AIBU to feel upset by my mother-in-law's message about visits?

[Mamibaba]

I have been with my partner for 12 years and we moved into our house 3.5 years ago, I invited mother in law over to see the house that first summer she never showed and when I saw her months later she said she had decided to wait until house was finished to see it. After that I only saw her once a year at weddings etc. Last year I became pregnant and did not see her throughout the pregnancy. She came over to see the baby and I have since been taking the baby to her house every 6 weeks or so. Baby is now 11 months old and partner has never taken the baby to his mother’s house and has not seen his mother for over 8 months. Last week she asked me and the baby over on the Friday and I said no as we already had plans and would come over another day. She has since text my partner saying ‘ I want to know the baby but finding it difficult as everytime I try I’m not allowed’ am I right to be angry as I feel that she’s thrown my visits back in my face just because she didn’t get her way that day.

That context is even more important. She is awful.

Then clearly she doesn't appreciate your efforts so I wouldn't bother any more.

Quite honestly, if your partner doesn’t bother with his own mum, I’m not sure why you’re bothering? I’d stop going over there. If she wants to have a relationship with her granddaughter then she can make the effort herself and come to yours. I’d be wary of her having a relationship with her anyway, given that your partner grew up with his grandparents rather than his mother. Have you asked why this is? Why he doesn’t bother going to see her? What did he say to you and his mother about her message? Did he back you up?

Was your partner comfortable with you trying to create a relationship between his mother and your baby? He moved away from her young, he hasn’t seen her for 8 months, she’s been to your home once in years. It seems clear what he thinks of her! Have you been pushing it for the baby, yourself, the MIL you barely know? You can stop. A rubbish parent doesn’t become a wonderful grandparent out of nowhere.

Your dc simply doesn't need such a woman in their lives...
My dc don't see any dgps..they are more than fine.

That’s the coffin nailed shut. The baby would never again be taken to her house and I wouldn’t see her again. Partners job to sort and to take baby to visit her. Any texts would get the response. Please message your son to arrange a visit. Not your job or responsibility to facilitate visits with his family. Fuck off

He doesn’t want to talk about her, he did not want to tell her about the pregnancy as he said she’ll make it all about her.

Bingo. Block her. He doesn’t even like her. You don’t need to see her

You need to your let your partner deal with his mum, you've done enough. She could come to visit you surely?

I think your reply was wrong and her text back to her son was idiotic!! She probably was taking a swipe at him because the only time she’d made a move you couldn’t but it brought out the she’s not seeing the baby because of your dh, then you said I’ve been trying and she turned on you! Honestly your dh needs to sort this out and start seeing his mum. Next time she texts, say oh sounds great (if it suits), will make sure dh is about too

So why didn’t you follow your partners wishes? The father of your baby? Why go against him?

Ps your dh saying she’ll make it about her- he’s not bothering with her so at the end of a phone is a lonely bitter woman making it about her BECAUSE her sons not bothering with her. It’s a circular thing. Men!

Tell your partner you don't want him to talk to you about texts between him and his mother. He is telling you she's upset but not prepared to do anything about it. He doesn't care, why should you?

So just don’t deal with her, leave it to him to initiate contact with her. Then you can choose to either go along or be ‘busy’ that time.

That says a lot in itself. Take a lead out of his book and start ignoring her more maybe.

He has no relationship with her, so why are you bothering? Just sack it off.

It feels like you’re deliberately not answering most of the questions on this thread for some reason.

It’s not up to you to facilitate visits to your MIL. Next time she messages to arrange something, ask her to co-ordinate with her son. Don’t get involved, you will be happier for it.

Men?? You have a grown adult woman, a mother, sulking, being awkward and stubborn, blaming and being nasty .. yet you’re blaming the man here? A man who for reasons unknown, lived with his grandparents from his teenage years onwards .. that’s not a typical scenario is it? Wow.

Oh they’ll find absolutely anything to blame men for here. Even when it’s clearly a woman who’s the problem it will still be men 😂

I have since been taking the baby to her house every 6 weeks or so

Why you bothered yourself with this i dont know...

Look you have the power.
Your dh wants FA to do with her.
Follow his lead stop pushing a relationship and ignore the noise..

Shes just messing with you at this point

Just tell her that she is welcome to contact her son to arrange a suitable time to see the baby.

Your partner knows his mother. Sounds like he is happy without her in his life - or his child's life. This won't have come from nowhere. I'd follow his lead if I were you.

Your partner isn’t bothered and she IS making it all about her so leave her to it.

Why is he allowing her to text him slagging you off? He sounds a wet wipe and like he’s in cahoots with her. If she’s not respectful I would not bother with her. No loss to you. And your child certainly does not need manipulative toxic people around them.

Then I would reflect on your partner’s commitment to you. Is the property in joint names? You need financial protection if you’re not married.

Honestly, your MIL was obviously a terrible parent to your partner if he moved in with his grandparents when he was a teenager. He has no relationship with her and obviously doesn't want one so you don't need to facilitate any sort of relationship with her.

She sounds like a pretty horrible and ungrateful person. You have been giving up your time to enable her to have a relationship with her grandchild and she has thrown in all back in your face.

She had her chance to have a relationship with her grandchild but she couldn't help herself from showing her true colours and blaming and insulting you to the son that she never even sees.

Stop meeting up with her and let her stew in her own bitter juice.