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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Managing other people's children

107 replies

QuickLemur · 18/07/2026 07:29

I have a friend who occasionally asks me to look after her son. Should be a non issue, our sons get on, but he has zero respect for property or other people

My son is more quiet and needs 30 mins after school just watching the television or chatting to decompress before going outside to play etc. Had said to them both that is what we were doing, got them drinks and snacks. Other boy repeatedly leaping on furniture (9yo) and kicking footballs INDOORS despite being asked not to. Kicked over drinks onto carpet etc

Went outside and it got worse - trashed our garden, broke washing line by repeatedly pulling on it despite being asked not to. Then complained about dinner and not being taken to McDonald's

I did tell this child they cant do certain things and the response was always well I do it at home

I had already agreed to have him again this week and I am already dreading it. He was very put out when I managed him - we have clear rules about respecting property and people etc, and he doesn't get that at home at all.

Every time I said no thanks we don't do that he shrugged his shoulders. Maybe one minute respite then carries on. Parents think he's a complete angel . Aibu to discipline other people's children in my home, or is this now completely frowned upon? I would have no issue if it was the other way round!

OP posts:
Chocolattecoffeecup · 18/07/2026 07:31

OP I know a child a bit like this albeit slightly younger and you can absolutely set boundaries in your own home. With this child I have in mind, I now tell him quite clearly he won't be coming over again if he doesn't follow the rules in my home (no jumping on furniture and the like).

ShetlandishMum · 18/07/2026 07:34

Of course you can set boundries. It's not to discipline a child. I wouldn't have him around tbh.

Original poster
QuickLemur · 18/07/2026 07:38

Thankyou much appreciated. You start to think you are going mad by being the one with the rules!

OP posts:
OperationalSupport · 18/07/2026 07:43

Just cancel the repeat visit. Text her saying ‘sorry Mabel but I can’t have Jimmy over again, he wasn’t happy to follow our house rules or with the meal I provided’

Enko · 18/07/2026 07:44

Yes clear.and strong boundaries.

To his "we don't get that at home,,"
A brisk ,,"well those are the rules in this home and you need to follow them when here"

If he complains about dinner again I would outright tell him to not be rude thats not a nice way to talk. He doesnt have to eat it but this is dinner and no down talk about it

Lobelia123 · 18/07/2026 07:46

I would decline to watch him and be very honest why. Your friend is really not doing her child any favours

IronEverything · 18/07/2026 07:47

You need to cancel having him again and tell them why.

"Hi parents, unfortunately I'm not longer able to have child on X day. His behaviour when I had him yesterday was unacceptable, I'm happy to discuss the details should you wish to. I hope you are able to find other arrangements."

Chocolattecoffeecup · 18/07/2026 08:11

I also stopped having said child so often and didn't invite him to my DC's birthday party this year because I didn't want him in my home again.

Sciobai · 18/07/2026 08:12

I have just been through this same situation with my youngest's friend and can only advise you to speak up to the parents and do not have him back. He (and they) need to learn the consequences of his behaviour! In my case, had the friend over for a playdate during the week and never again! He did not listen at all, no respect for my house/garden/people/animals. Rude about food, demanding about what they would do, not happy to play in the garden demanding to be brought to a trampoline and laser tag place. You know the behaviour is bad when your 6 year old is reprimanding their friend for being mean to the dogs. He is clearly never told no. His dad was due to collect him at 6pm on way home from work. His mum was WFH. By 3.30 I was done, texted both parents and said his behaviour was unaccceptable so I was dropping him home early and have said he won't be welcome back and why. They will see each other at school but that's it as it's not a friendship I will be encouraging or facilitating after seeing that behaviour. Parents useless, dad never even replied and mum gave a half hearted apology but mumbled something like boys will be boys. Will they fuck! My own children were shocked at his behaviour so at least it was a lesson in how not to behave!

Nofeckingway · 18/07/2026 08:20

I look after other kids sometimes. Repeatedly tell them that certain things are not allowed in MY house . You don't have to be tip toing around a 9 year old , he's the kid , you are the boss. Wish more people round remember this . As for the food say I don't care if you don't eat it ( which you shouldn't as it's not your problem) but you are not allowed to be rude in this house . If he tells you he does it at home , say OK but this is MY house and we don't do that here.

If he complains, again , who cares ? Maybe his mother won't ask you to have him again

Whatevergoes2025 · 18/07/2026 08:31

God we are so conditioned now not to upset kids in any way we cant even tell kids off in our own homes.

Zapx · 18/07/2026 08:32

I too would cancel having him again. I have a very low tolerance limit for wanton destruction from children! “He broke too much stuff and complained a lot so not sure it would be a good idea if he came again.”

Backpain2026 · 18/07/2026 08:34

You need to say no, you can't have him because his behaviour was unacceptable and he won't follow instructions.

This is the consequence of poor behaviour that no one will look after him.

He's nine, not a toddler, and completely should be able to follow instructions

JuliettaCaeser · 18/07/2026 08:37

You know they are crap parents when even the child’s peers are shocked at the behaviour

RoseField1 · 18/07/2026 08:38

Stop being a mug. Say no to looking after him again.

RappelChoan · 18/07/2026 08:40

All kids are different, have different personalities and ways that they mature. It’s not fixed for life that this boy will always behave like this, or that your child will always be the quiet one. So I wouldn’t judge or burn bridges on a one off. You just need to consistently explain and set the boundaries for your home.

Tell him what you DO want him to do, so his brain pictures that. Ie rather than ‘don’t pull on the washing line’ where the idea is then reinforced of pulling on the washing line, ‘come away from the line’ or ‘hands off the line’ .

He will learn, he’s only 9.

Thebinisrightthere · 18/07/2026 08:40

Of course you discipline in your own home. Irrelevant if the kid doesn't get disciplined by his parents. I've had some horrible kids over for play dates & I've always done my best to manage their behaviour & then just not had them over again. To answer back to you as well shows he has no respect for adults

johncerten · 18/07/2026 08:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Morelovelyandtemperate · 18/07/2026 08:43

I'd say that unfortunately he didn't behave well so you aren't inviting him back.

Dollymylove · 18/07/2026 08:43

Yabu for agreeing to have this child in your home. Is the mother paying you for child care? Either way it needs to stop

Thebinisrightthere · 18/07/2026 08:48

@Sciobaii had similar with a girl from dd1's class. She ws rude, entitled & wouldn't eat the food I gave her. At one point I went to say something to dd1 & the girl said "excuse me. We're having a CONVERSATION!!!" She was 6. Her mum couldn't come soon enough. When she did come the girl ran into her arms and said "take me home!" as if we'd been awful to her. Her & dd1 were quite good friends so a few years later we invited her to her party which she ruined because the attention wasn't on her. I didn't put all the blame on the girl though as there seemed to be zero discipline in the home

Pinkgin00 · 18/07/2026 08:49

I think if you have already agreed to have him this week then I would follow through with that arrangement , especially if it is to help with childcare. However you need to set boundaries from the offset and be clear about what you expect ( we don't jump on sofas here, no balls in the house allowed etc)

If he still can't respect your boundaries after that, then I would be having a conversation with the parent and explaining why you can't have him over. Good luck!

Violetparis · 18/07/2026 08:58

I would text and say you can no longer look after him this week and leave it at that. The sooner you do it the better, do it now. If the Mum asks why I'd tell her the reasons. No way would I allow a child to disrespect me and my home.

WeatherOrNothing · 18/07/2026 09:02

Why are you having him over?? Surely your own child doesn’t enjoy his company? Stop being such a pushover in your own home. I’ve told my own kids that any badly behaved friends are not welcome here. This child would definitely fit there

shellyleppard · 18/07/2026 09:09

@QuickLemur your house, your rules. If he doesn't like it then he doesn't come round any more. Sometimes you have to be tough with em.
Before anyone piles on I've got two sons and when they were younger that was the rules.
They have had the same friends for years now.
The only rule change is don't make a noise when you come in late lol