Managing other people's children

[QuickLemur]

I have a friend who occasionally asks me to look after her son. Should be a non issue, our sons get on, but he has zero respect for property or other people

My son is more quiet and needs 30 mins after school just watching the television or chatting to decompress before going outside to play etc. Had said to them both that is what we were doing, got them drinks and snacks. Other boy repeatedly leaping on furniture (9yo) and kicking footballs INDOORS despite being asked not to. Kicked over drinks onto carpet etc

Went outside and it got worse - trashed our garden, broke washing line by repeatedly pulling on it despite being asked not to. Then complained about dinner and not being taken to McDonald's

I did tell this child they cant do certain things and the response was always well I do it at home

I had already agreed to have him again this week and I am already dreading it. He was very put out when I managed him - we have clear rules about respecting property and people etc, and he doesn't get that at home at all.

Every time I said no thanks we don't do that he shrugged his shoulders. Maybe one minute respite then carries on. Parents think he's a complete angel . Aibu to discipline other people's children in my home, or is this now completely frowned upon? I would have no issue if it was the other way round!

Pull out of next week’s arrangement now.

’I’m so sorry we are unexpectedly committed next week and can’t make the play date. Have a lovely summer. Op’

And tell your son honestly about his friends poor behaviour, and it’s not going to happen again. You are using the example of poor behaviour as good modelling for your own child and how to enforce boundaries comfortably.

I wouldn’t even want my child exposed to this kind of behaviour. I would be encouraging plenty of other friendships and play dates this summer that do not include this child. There is no upside at all.

You have already spoken to the parents, so they are aware, and they obviously don’t care. This is a natural consequence.

I wouldn’t agree to my child ever going for a play date there either, goodness knows where that will lead - dangerous adult gaming, access to porn and adult material. Early drinking. Later on much worse. Snuff out this friendship now whilst you still have some influence.

It doesn't have to be dramatic.

Honestly Emma I don't feel I can look after Luke as he doesn't abide by our house rules, which causes upset with Josh and actually caused some damage last time.

boys will be boys is such toxic nonsense. What would the parents have done if it had been a girl? Why on earth should girls be held to higher standards of behaviour?

Why not offer to look after him in his own home?
You and your son have your half hour ofquiet talk while the other boy trashes his own house.

I presume you had the child (or were due to ) last week? What happened?

This.