AIBU to think a revealing wedding dress seemed unsuitable for church?

[Evino]

Recently DH and I were invited to a wedding in Italy, it was held in a cathedral/Duomo technically, but one of the much smaller ones, in the south.
Obviously it being a church wedding we ensured both of us and our teenage daughters were modest, shoulders covered etc.

However the Bride, had an admittedly gorgeous, but I’d say … unexpected dress for the day. With a deep V open back (and the rest of the back was lace so essentially completely exposed), no veil, spaghetti straps and a fairly deep (though not revealing) cowl neckline.

It really surprised me this was seen as an appropriate dress for a church, especially one of significance. I’m not saying the dress wasn’t beautiful, it was! And I wouldn’t say she actually looked particularly provocative, I’d have just thought it would fall outside the modesty standards.

Have Catholic Churches really loosened the grip on what is seen as a modest? AIBU to be shocked that this was allowed and think it’s not an entirely appropriate choice?

Still do. I was there 3 weeks ago.
The rules were very specific for entrants to St Peters and the Vatican, listed on the websites . No shorts, no strapless tops. They didn't appear to enforce the rules re shorts or tops in the Vatican from what I could see and just had the capes in St Peter's.

I’ve been a committed Christian for most of my teens and adult life (and am now training to be a Rev) but was unaware there’s ‘rules’ for what to wear in a church. As most of the Catholics here seem to be equally confused…I think this might just be folklore OP.

Other religions do have rules - no shoes or mandatory head coverings for women etc but I’ve never been aware of shoulders covered etc in church.

At our church people turn up however they’re comfortable - hot Sundays have seen strappy tops, shorts and flip flops.

The bride’s dress sounds fabulous!

As a wedding guest you have one job.
That job is to support the bride and groom on their special day.

You know , the day they have spent years planning and thousands paying for.

That is it. That is the scope of your role.
Nothing else.
No opinions on food, music, anyone’s attire zilch!!

Your one job and your one remit is to spend the day supporting the newly weds.

But the priest WAS happy and the bride WAS happy. The only person bringing up entitlement and "if she didn't like it she didn't have to get married there" is you. Did it not occur to you, when you were judging her outfit as inappropriate, that everyone who mattered - the priest, the bride, NOT YOU - had already given the dress the OK?

Do you even like the bride very much? Why on earth were you at her wedding if this is your main takeaway?

I wasn’t trying to be mean, I liked the dress! I thought she look gorgeous!
I was replying to someone commenting on how wrong it is for a priest to need to approve.

FWIW, I don’t know the bride, the groom as very close to my eldest son as a child and lived with us for 4 years during the week, when he went to school near us. They now live in France, the bride was French Italian, so this was truly my first impression of her!

What does a woman wearing a strappy top, or backless wedding dress in this case, have to do with modesty?

“I’m not judging…. [I] didn’t think it was appropriate for the setting”

🤔

I’ve never understood what people mean when they say it ‘doesn’t matter’ how someone dresses.

I absolutely judge people by how they dress and how they speak and whether or not they look at me, whether they listen and whether they push past me and all sorts of other things. The same goes for men.

It would be very misguided IMO not to pay attention to how someone dresses.

It sounds like like the bride in this case was intent on making an impression but didn’t make quite the impression she was hoping for in some people’s eyes, haha! 😆🤣

But how they dress has absolutely no relationship to whether someone listens to you, whether they make eye contact, how they treat you.

I'm sure she made the impression she wanted to the people who mattered.

Judgmental mean girls like you and the OP are not among the people who matter.

I was in the cathedral in Pisa yesterday and shoulders did need to be covered and pashmina/scarves etc were being handed out at the entrance.

I never said it did. I said I judge people on a whole raft of things, including how they dress

You can think what you like about people but it's not an objective reality and others may well take a completely different view and form a different impression. Perhaps judging you for how often you judge people negatively and feeling sorry for your insecurity and misanthropy.

Ok, but how someone treats you has an obvious importance. You can tell a lot about someone who pushes past you or is rude to waiters or uses a crude or aggressive register in their speech to you. But the only thing you can tell about someone's dress is that these are the clothes that the person is wearing at this particular moment.

How very judgmental of you!!

I love that you call me a ‘girl’. ❤️

Usually people who don’t agree with me look at my username and imply I shouldn’t be allowed to an opinion ‘cos I’m senile! 🤣

All the same, you’re wrong - I’m really not at all mean.

She's human. She's allowed to have an opinion! Just maybe not express it to the bride and groom ...

I think you can tell a GREAT deal about a person from how they dress . I find it strange that anyone would think otherwise.

It’s a case of ideology suppressing one’s natural instincts.

I was made to cover my shoulders going in to a church in Italy (early 1990s, not 1800s) so I'm unsurprised op was questioned whether it was appropriate/"allowed". The dress sounds gorgeous, op said it was gorgeous, she was just questioning whether the rules had been relaxed that's all.....

If you mean it’s me who’s insecure and misanthropic, you couldn’t be more wrong .
By ‘judge’ I mean ‘pay attention to.’

Well yes, we are all allowed to be judgey. Being human doesn’t mean you automatically are though.

it reads to me like the op saw a very attractive woman get married and got a bit sniffy about it. She’s not only spoken to the mother she’s also started a thread about it, asking if she was unreasonable to think it was unsuitable,

Genuine question. Why does it matter?

I was asked to remove my sun hat in an Italian church back in May. I thought it was entirely appropriate for a woman to cover her head in church but apparently not.

I asked my very Catholic half Italian father what kind of wedding dress I should get (was just joking around). He said anything - as long as you keep your shoulders covered. 🙄

It really isn't anything at all to do with 'ideology'. The person wearing a tailcoat and white tie is exactly the same person wearing motheaten tracksuit bottoms. It's no more integral to their being than the colour of their hair.

the catholic church is so desperate to keep people now that they allow whatever - you should see what its like at church things in Ireland

Maybe Italy is a bit more strict - i don't know - but id never think of a bride needing a more modest dress as a thing tbh