AIBU to think a revealing wedding dress seemed unsuitable for church?

[Evino]

Recently DH and I were invited to a wedding in Italy, it was held in a cathedral/Duomo technically, but one of the much smaller ones, in the south.
Obviously it being a church wedding we ensured both of us and our teenage daughters were modest, shoulders covered etc.

However the Bride, had an admittedly gorgeous, but I’d say … unexpected dress for the day. With a deep V open back (and the rest of the back was lace so essentially completely exposed), no veil, spaghetti straps and a fairly deep (though not revealing) cowl neckline.

It really surprised me this was seen as an appropriate dress for a church, especially one of significance. I’m not saying the dress wasn’t beautiful, it was! And I wouldn’t say she actually looked particularly provocative, I’d have just thought it would fall outside the modesty standards.

Have Catholic Churches really loosened the grip on what is seen as a modest? AIBU to be shocked that this was allowed and think it’s not an entirely appropriate choice?

Every time I’ve visited Italy it’s been required.

Also had this in the South America.

Not a thing in UK and Ireland.

That said I think the bride should be able to wear what she wants

If I was going to pick something to question about the Catholic Church it wouldn’t be a bride’s revealing dress. They’ve bigger issues than that.

I think what’s usual in Ireland is pretty irrelevant to what’s usual in Italy. You can’t get into the big churches / cathedrals in Italy ( certainly where I have been in Venice Florence and Assisi ) with knees or shoulders showing. It’s very amusing to watch the tourists in skimpy clothing trying to cover themselves with scarves. I saw one girl trying to fashion a skirt with a pashmina and safety pins.

No idea OP… maybe they relax their rules because of the celebration or maybe the family are paying a hefty fee so they’re prepared to overlook it.

It’s interesting though, because if the dress code rules for Catholic churches vary by country it doesn’t seem to be Catholic Church rules themselves that are behind the dress codes.
Or maybe it’s different interpretations of those rules?

I do think most (if not all) of the guests had shoulders covered (I wasn’t exactly running an audit on what every guest wore, perhaps they relaxed the rule for the bride only.

Im really not meaning to come across judgemental, it was a beautiful wedding, we had a wonderful time and lots of details were really thoughtfully considered, it was a lovely day, probably the best hosting/hospitality I’ve ever experienced at the wedding! I was just a little surprised to see the bride had an open back and shoulders uncovered, she had her thick long curly hair down so perhaps that made the open back unremarkable in the priests mind.
Then again I was also shocked that the groom didn’t wear a tie! Perhaps I’m just getting old!!

They had drapey scarves available in St. Peter's Basilica for women whose shoulders were bare, when we visited last year. Also, they don't like bare legs. Longish dresses or trousers rather than shorts is preferred.

Does the Catholic Church not have bigger problems than a woman entering a Church in a strappy top?

Too many years ago to count but I was in Vatican City and was going into St Peter’s, fortunately I was wearing a short sleeved top that completely covered my shoulder, my friend was wearing a vest style top…….she was stopped at the entrance and ordered to cover her shoulders. We had to be very inventive with a small sports towel she had in her bag before they’d allow her in. I guess times have changed.

From what I know about Catholic priests having grown up in Ireland probably the groom ! 😁

Whenever I'm in Spain and Italy I assume that shoulders and knees need covering in church. However I had no idea this was a thing until my first trip to Barcelona/Sagrada. You only know what you know.

Surely most wedding dresses show some of the woman’s back? The majority are either strapless or spaghetti strap style imo. I have seen some with long sleeves but they’re not as common. I don’t think catholics care about a woman showing her back.

Agree with PP it’s an Italy thing not a Catholic thing per se, as all the Irish players have pointed out. As a tourist, you can’t go into eg St Peter’s at the Vatican, Milan Cathedral, etc, if your shoulders aren't covered. People sell scarves etc outside for tourists who are often in sleeveless tops because it’s boiling hot.

I’m Irish, Atheist and living in Ireland and believe some level of respect should be shown in a church. The dress described in the OP sounds very inappropriate.

You were ‘shocked’ that the groom didn’t wear a tie? You didn’t just think ‘Oh, he’s gone for a more relaxed vibe’?

Honestly, if this is the kind of thing that causes you to be ‘shocked’ rather than ‘mildly surprised for about a tenth of a second before forgetting about it’, you must go around in a constant state of distress.

I find any choice of revealing dress in a church venue inappropriate. My son in law (to be) is from a devout Catholic family and when his cousin got married, she wore a gorgeous lace jacket over her dress and took it off when they got to the reception. Their church is very old school and the priest did tell them about this during their meetings before the wedding day. So it still is very much a thing in some churches.

I was in the Vatican last summer and, despite the signs, there were plenty of bare shoulders and knees 😱 visible.

It’s laughable to think that a catholic priest wouldn’t know where to look because of bare shoulders; we all know the most likely place they’re looking is at the young choir boys who, ironically, are mostly covered-up from head to toe.

Clothing (or the lack of it) has never been the reason for sexual impropriety in the church (or the cover-up of it), the most heinous of sins have been performed on fully clothed children by religious (mostly) men; I really don’t think a pretty wedding dress is the cause of any of the church’s issues.

I think they have accepted that for the most part people can and should dress how they wish. It’s hard enough getting people into churches these days.

The dress sounds perfectly normal for a wedding dress.

Yes, I think this is what it comes down to. I mean, entry into Vatican religious sites isn’t some kind of official church policy.

The incredibly vituperative thread about informal clothes being worn to a funeral is comical to me, as, in an Irish context, funeral-going is a pretty frequent thing, and you’ll generally go wearing whatever you were wearing anyway, unless you’re one of the immediately bereaved. I’ve been at two funerals in the last few weeks of hot weather, and while DH and I both dressed formally because he was there in an ‘official’ capacity, lots of people were wearing tracksuit bottoms, flip flops etc.

The Catholic church have far bigger problems than a bride in a spaghetti strapped dress.
They are responsible for sexual deviants, paedophiles, cruelty beyond belief and separating babies from their mothers.
They are a disgusting organisation.

I got married in a church (not so much choice of venue anyway in 2004) and had the standard strapless wedding dress of the time. However, I did have the veil down until we were actually married. Even the veil bit was a bit old fashioned then. I can't say as I would be surprised by a slinky wedding dress in Italy. When did you last go to a wedding, 1956?

I grew up Catholic in England and we all wore very casual clothes to mass. I was surprised when visiting a C of E church service, how dressed up everyone was.

Yes, there are as many Catholicisms as there are cultures in which it’s bedded down. Some of the oddest weddings I’ve been at have been in Italy. I was at one on the Amalfi coast about ten years ago where the priest showed up at the honeymoon suite (the couple were staying at the venue for the reception, which was next door to the church) with a large orange plastic folder containing a full set of projector slides on natural contraception methods dating from the 60s.

I was in 2 churches in Italy about 3 weeks ago and no one was looking at what I wore. It was 35 degrees C so yes my shoulders were uncovered.

I am just back from visiting the Sistine Chapel. The Vatican and other churches we
visited were very keen on people covering their shoulders and knees. Men and women.

You were invited to a lovely wedding in Italy - presumably by people who like you, and thought you liked them. And the thing you want to post on the internet about afterwards is this negativity? Your abiding memory is being SHOCKED at the bride's backless dress and the groom's lack of tie? That is REALLY what you want to talk about, regarding this lovely wedding?

You're not getting old, you're just being a judgmental twat. Do you make this disapproving cat's bum mouth wherever you go? It's most unpleasant.

It's never crossed my mind to judge my friends' wedding attire as appropriate or inappropriate. It's what they wanted on their big day so if it made them happy it made me happy.

I wouldn't have invited anyone to my wedding if I thought they were going to judge anything I or DH wore, or didn't wear, as inappropriate.