Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

People blowing their nose at the dinner table especially in restaurants. It is absolutely disgusting 🤢🤢🤢 and I am shocked that so many people think its OK!

That gave me images of the hoover from the teletubbies 😅

Getting up and leaving the dinner table when someone else is still eating. My sister does it and it drives me mad - and I can't work out why, having been raised in the same household, I know that it's rude not to wait for other people to finish eating before getting up but she doesn't!

Clearly I've found my thread, I have another...

Not introducing yourself or others.

Eg if in a group and a person arrives who knows everyone but 1 person, someone should make sure they're introduced.

Or if you join a group of people when mingling and you introduce yourself but they don't reciprocate.

But...I don't understand how you eat them if you don't scoop them in?? Do you mean you turn the fork over and then have to balance peas on the tiny bit of useable space?? I'm so intrigued!

On the subject of peas - as a kid (and even now, actually) I eat peas one at a time by just stabbing my fork with them. My Dad used to go CRAZY, so of course I did it all the more, and now I can't stop doing it! On a good go I can get 2 or even 3 peas at a time. 💪🏼💪🏼

They probably don’t want to end up behind the hearse and have to drive at 15 miles an hour.
Some people don’t like flashy funerals with horses and they don’t like the type of people that have them.

Moving to left on corridors, stairs etc

Have you never opened someone else’s letter by mistake? Letters that arrive at our house are opened automatically, we don’t even check the names.

What would you call a tasteful funeral? Is a black funeral car behind the hearse OK?

I think it's a more recent trend to try to be a thoughtful guest. I've had someone bundle them into the washing machine and start the cycle which was a total pain as I wanted to put some other loads through.

I prefer to do it in my own time and would rather they just pulled it up tidily so the room looked ok till I got round to it.

It always makes me wonder what they got up to in the sheets that they didn't want me looking!

Can I add to “please don’t strip the bed”, “please don’t clear the table etc”? There is nothing worse than having people to dinner, someone needs to leave early, and they start trying to be helpful by clearing up. Just don’t! It’s so rude and breaks up the evening for everyone. Just go if you are going.

How strange, surely one’s staff deal with such matters! - thats a joke

It would never occur to me. Yes take down glasses and dishes but to get involved with laundry, er no.

Yes that's exactly how you eat them. Although etiquette demands they be served with something they can stick to, like potato, and at smart dinners a host wouldn't serve peas anyway.

Table manners: younger friends of mine don't seem to know you put your knife and fork together at the end of the meal.

My mother who went to a private school in the 1940s drilled it into me that soup spoons were used away from you not towards you in the bowl. I have since read that this is an old maritime habit to stop soup slopping in your lap on choppy waters. I have never seen anyone else drink it this way, but I continue to out of habit.

I think I was slow to learn the not turning up empty-handed rule. My parents and their friends all tended to do this in spite of being mannerly people on the whole. I think it changed as the years went by though. I really don't mind people turning up empty handed.

As a gen-x'er I also had to learn to stop phoning people and start texting them. When I was young, we used to phone our mates all the time on the landline and run our Dads' bills up.

Etiquette changes and it is hard to keep up.

What?
You open someone elses post?
Jesus thats outrageous.

This is exactly the same in Norway with the Sami reindeer herder families. You never ask how many reindeer they have. And if they give you an answer, it's unlikely to be the real number anyway!

I absolutely hate guests stripping the beds. The cat then jumps on the naked mattress protector/ duvet/ pillow protectors and then it’s just more washing! Plus we don’t have a tumble dryer so in the winter it might be a few days until the weather in decent enough so I can get the bedding washed and hung out to dry. In the meantime the cat is having a great time marshmallowing about on the unmade bed!

You slightly smoosh them so they stick.

But you will notice peas are not often served at more formal restaurants.

this is true and has been repeated recently because of the hot weather. Here's a fairly detailed and sensible article. https://www.seriouseats.com/washing-chicken-science-11907465

I was brought up never to ask someone about their financial affairs, such as how much they earn, how much rent/mortgage they pay and so on. I would neither ask nor answer such questions myself. If the other person volunteers such information that's different. My own parents never knew how much I earned because I was paid by bank transfer.

I was also taught that it was rude to comment on someone's personal appearance or characteristics unless they began the conversation. This was especially the case if someone appeared to have gained or lost a lot of weight or was looking tired.

I can totally envisage that!

Marshmallowing is a great verb.

God yes! People blaring videos on the bus or tube, or having loud conversations…very rude.

Also - going to dinner (or anything that involves your host going to effort/expense) and not thanking them the following day. Happens rarely, but am always shocked when it does.

When DH and I first lived together, he used to unpack my handbag when we got in from a day out 😬

Speak pleasantly to people instead of having your nose in your phone (almost literally).
Give way/give up seats to women or older people. Maybe outdated, but I could see why it made sense-older people were far more likely to have a health condition/disability/be in pain, and in the past, women were regularly pregnant or recovering from birth, and quite likely to have had significant birth injuries (not saying it's perfect today, but in the past they were often left without help whereas eg Fenton's Procedure/CS are more common now).
Zipper merge in cars.
Don't ask why you don't have children.

I suspect in every case the reason is the same. If the animals are free roaming, they don't actually know.