AIBU to think children do not need packed summer schedules?

[Didhereallyleavethecountryinabetterplace]

We have finished school where we are. We live in a warm place by the beach and swimming pools and so many things to do.
A family member has signed her children up to hundreds of activities and different camps. She doesn’t really work or at least not many hours and from home, they have plenty of money and a large home and garden.
I completely understand full time working parents having to rely on camps/clubs etc. But if you don’t/didn’t have to, is there anything wrong with just letting your kids relax and be at home with you and their friends a bit?
I love mine being off, do get overwhelmed sometimes yes, but generally love it and we can find lots to do and days that we don’t do much, they can relax-watch tv, play in the garden, do crafts, go for a bike ride, swim and so on.
Why do some have to be so over scheduled, especially when they have that normally with school then clubs and homework every night
As a child, I remember loving just lolling around, seeing friends and having some days not really doing much

I don’t understand it

You know most jobs dont allow you to wfh with kids there, right? Shes probably working more than you realise.

Lots of kids LOVE activities. Last holiday my kids had some camps and some time chilling at home, they much much preferred the camps, they love having other kids to play with

You do understand that most parents have no choice if they work, right?

Well said

I don't really get it either. I think for working parents, camps and activities must be a godsend but if you're at home, they're only necessary if there is a particular activity your DC really wants to do.

I'm a teacher so get the holidays fully at home with my DC and I love it. We have lots of unstructured days but also go away and have days out. Maybe it's just that I'm so glad I'm not at work having the DC around all the time doesn't bother me. Or it might feel different if you are used to being at home all day without the DC and then they are suddenly there. My DC are always there when I'm home so it doesn't feel unusual to me. If you are trying to balance working full hours from home it would be a different matter.

In which case I think it's a difference in what we see as planning, rather then what our kids actually do. For example, on 6 days of my plan 'go swimming' is the scheduled activerty, because we live somewhere that doesn't just have a pool. Likewise, due to the combination of where we live and my kids cycling ability and traffic awareness, a bike ride for us involves attaching the bike rack to the car and driving to a national trust place or country park with cycle paths, which again would be a planned activerty.

DH and I do not have enough annual leave to cover all of the school holidays. I’m also trying to study whilst working full time, so I don’t have lots of time to spend with DD. Her holidays will be: 2 days with grandparents; 1 week at a water sports day camp; 1 week at a PGL residential (highlight of her year - she loves the independence!); two weeks with her DGM in Cornwall; 1 unplanned week at home with me. The time in Cornwall will be relatively unstructured and the water sports camp is ~10:00-16:00 so there’s time to relax around that. I would have loved it if my parents could have paid for me to do activities.

yeah I feel like often the 'overscheduled' dig is actually a thinly veiled dig at working parents.

I agree, kids need the chance to get bored

Im not sure whats driving OPs judgement, but the word 'overscheduled' I often see used as a dig for kids who play a lot of sport. Mine do a lot of sport/music/drama/scouts etc. We do both work full time, but they choose to do this and they love it.
I think sometimes people like to call others overscheduled because its something their kids either dont want to do, or they couldnt afford or manage, so rather than say that, they make mean digs like saying they 'feel sorry for the kids' 🙄
As I mentioned elsewhere and I havent seen OP answer, this will depend on the age of the kids in question, all OP would say was they are 'young'.

But how would you know whether the kids referred to in the OP have the chance to do this or not?

I'll add, OP has bragged in several places that their kids do swimming, dog walking, cycling etc etc etc, so how is doing this at home any different to doing it at a holiday camp or vacation care?

You only mention her, is she a lone parent?
Some people struggle. If having structured, paid for activities help the parent, then it helps the whole family. There'll be kids with nothing to do and very little money. The councils have stopped the food vouchers, so there'll be families in food poverty. If I knew of a Mother, who does what your family member does, I'd just think it was for her MH, or one of the children. I wouldn't judge. Having children isn't what some people think it is going to be. Or a marriage, if she has a DH, does he want it ran as though the children are at school all day?

I was around in holdays but as with pre-school years they did better well into teen years with us being out in morning or longer doing something.

To get the free or cheaper activites put on locally often had to sign up well in advance - and then with our holiday and DGP visits often had to work out a schedule for entire 6 weeks so didn't double book. Also helped us catch them up with swimming lessons so they got through them faster saving a fortune.

Turns out they have ADHD so getting them out walking to activties and then often having quieter afternoons was probably best thing I could have been doing for them. Also felt they had more downtime than most of their peers in childcare most or all of the holidays because parents usually these days have to work. Still got endless comments from some others about kids doing too much or too little .

I've never lives in area where kids knock regulary - most were in childcare or wider family care or doing days out hoildays with parents.

So obviously I've felt more need to do stuff with my kids as they aren't going to see other kids if I didn't.

I said about parents working full time and that being completely understandable

We have enough money, if I wanted to put them in I could

Not a single parent, lots of money

Over scheduled does sound critical. Perhaps we all disagree on how much down time kids need.

Mine i suppose are over scheduled. They do a club most nights in the week, and 2 or 3 holiday clubs over the summer holidays.

But they get 7-8.30 every morning at home doing whatever, clubs go no longer than 1hr so between 3-7.30 they have 3-4 hours free each evening. Holiday clubs are 10-3 (loads of free time) or 9-4 (still quite a lot!). So even in school time almost half their waking time seems to be free, and then there's weekends.

They certainly seem to spend a lot of time reading, paying with siblings, making up games, playing board games etc. I do feel like we've as a society out a lot of weight in having time to "just chill", I'm not sure it is beneficial. While we all need to relax, I definitely feel people feel capable of doing less these days - and maybe this is part of the reason why!

Perhaps they are used to being over scheduled because from the moment they are born you dump them into some sort of scheduled activity? Yes I am judging. Just as you are. Except I dont have a guilt complex

Signing your kids for multiple summer camps and filling their diaries is one of the ways of avoiding spending any quality time with them. People don't often say they don't like spending time with their children. One full happy filled-in day with a mum/dad/grandparents doing everything and nothing - going to a shop, car repair place, sorting out cupboards whilst talking to your children, lying on the same sofa or floor as them, in total silence, each reading or looking through books/magazines and going on a walk, just to the newsagent's, dusting the shelves - together is worth a million tennis lessons and activities offered by complete paid strangers.

This is so true and this is why I feel sad for the kids, why not spend time with them 😔

Because sometimes parents are better parents when they haven’t spent all day every day with their child, and their children are better children for the same reason.

my kids love going to a holiday camp to spend time with their friends and do fun stuff much more than hanging out in the house while I clean bathrooms or do laundry. This way I can get household jobs done and out of the way, they can have fun, and when we do have time to spend together, everyone is happier.

you really don’t need to feel sorry for the children who have active school holidays

The OP just sounds incredibly smug and rather insufferable

Indeed.

I am personally delighted when children and parents are happy with their lives. And willing to admit there are literally millions of ways this can happen. For most families, this involves some sort of balancing act of money and time and mental health and kids’ wishes and logistics and all sorts of other things. The OP has no idea what her friend needs from the summer and is just being judgemental.

I spend lots and lots of time with my kids. I also work full time, have friends, family and a husband and - yes - an addiction to ER reruns. I ‘gasp’ took a day off while my kids were at camp and watched 5 episodes of ER in my pjs. It was delightful. Then I picked them up at 3, went to the beach, paddled in the sea, had fish and chips and played catch and came home to watch a movie. So much quality time, happy kids, happy me… job done.

It is also extremely unusual to find ad hoc play dates in the holidays. My kids’ friends’ parents work and need childcare so there aren’t lots of kids around during the day - they’re all at camp anyway.

Get a cleaner, it helps

We have active school holidays and see lots of people, I just don’t send them away all the time

That’s great, sounds like a perfect day, I do similar sometimes when kids at school

For us there are plenty of ad hoc play dates and kids around, but appreciate it must be hard if that isn’t the case