AIBU to feel hurt my husband holidayed without me and baby?

[Pepetheparrot]

To think its a bit off that my husband is going on holiday today without me and his 4 month old son? I have no family nearby and we stay rurally (which was his choice) - its a 20 minute drive to city.

YABU why shouldn’t he have a holiday . I would expect him to give you a well earned break when he returns though .

I’m wondering if the “holiday” was actually to visit MIL and stay in her house and that’s why MIL found it hurtful that OP would rather stay in an hotel; maybe she thought wanting AC was just an excuse especially if OP doesn't have it in her own house.

Is your husband ordinarily rude, dismissive and accepting of his family disrespecting you and his child ?

Behave 😆 he's going to visit his mother who can't have very long left to live.

OP opted not to attend. It's fine.

Another pointless drip feed post 🙄

There’s not enough info here. On what you’ve said so far, you were all invited and you declined. You expect your husband not go as you’re not. You are upset due to a comment about a/c.
if that’s it, you seem unreasonable. How long is this trip for?

You were invited but chose not to go. Don't know why you're complaining then?

Would you have been happy to go with him?

Sorry, have read the updates, you were invited and didn't want to go.
So then you can't complain about him going then.

I’d welcome drip feed, the Op is giving nothing. Pointless post from her

This is all sounds very strange. You’re not giving us much to work with here. Why are you being so passive ?

What does “loosely” invited mean?

Did his family say to you both “do you both want to come to London?” Or did his family say to him “Do you want to come to London? Pepe can come too if she wants?”

How exactly did the offer or conversation go about?

Also, what did your husband and the other members say when your MIL was hurt about the aircon comment? What exactly did you say?

I’d have thought most hotels in London have AC anyway.

If you opted not to go I don’t think your husband is in the wrong for going.

I wouldn’t even call a few nights in London a “holiday” if you already live in England. It’s more a weekend away/city trip.

You were invited but chose not to go!!

I think there’s a lot of different issues here. Generally I don’t think it’s a problem for someone to go away on a holiday without their partner if both partners are on board with it etc. Your baby is only 4m so I understand why you might not want to go away but the important thing is how you and your DP have spoken together about this. I’d expect a kind and reasonable discussion about this including the purpose of the holiday, why he wants to go, how his mother has responded to your AC point/alternative options for accommodation, how the baby is, what your worries are about going away or staying at home alone and any possible ways to alleviate these. And this conversation is best framed with both people really listening to the others point of view and not being defensive, critical or judgmental. This is the only way to try reach solutions/compromise. It’s exhausting when children are young and I think it’s when couples can feel tested as you experience it differently. But you really have to work together otherwise resentment sets in and you just drift apart. If your DP is generally a decent person then trying to work things out together is possible. If he is generally less bothered about your needs, this could be a bigger issue that needs some serious reflection. Best wishes.

I don't think it's inherently hurtfyl to have a holiday without your partner and child. Though it's pretty hurtful to go off on holiday without your partner if they don't want you to. And to leave a new mother with a 4 month old when they don't want you to go and it's optional is selfish.

I assume you talked about it and asked him not to, OP?

I would be seriously considering what options I had to get into a position where I was not living with someone I couldn't rely on. Even as a one off, it's pretty damning. With a 4 month old he should be stepping up and being more considerate and helpful, not ducking out of things and following his own whims.

He must be in his 50s at least? I wouldn’t want a baby around me at that age 🤣

How long is he going to be away for OP? And did you give your genuine consent to him taking your baby away from you?

I would guess OP is South Asian as she said stay instead of live. Also it would tally with her MIL being a pain.

So you were invited but chose not to go.

His mun is 95 and wants to spend time with her

You are being Unreasonable

Honestly, the holiday in its own really wouldnt bother me. However, you've posted before and you H is a very selfish person. You are basically a single parent. Id make it official.

Since when is he taking the baby? And anyway isn't it his baby also?

My friend in Aberdeen always says " stay " rather than live. Thought was a Scottish thing

I voted YANBU but with the further context, it sounds like you chose not to go and you expected him to take your lead and do likewise. In that case, you should have discussed it with him specifically and not just expected a certain response, which in his eyes may not have seemed totally unreasonable. Better communication.

How old is DH if his mother is 95? Does he have older kids/an ex wife going?

of course a 4 month old needs AC if available.

This is worse than a dripping tap!

But YABU. My mum is taking my very frail 90yo grandparents this weekend. We have a caravan very near to the location where they are holidaying and they’ve asked us to go so that we can “get photos at the seaside all together one last time (mums words). We have no aircon. We have two teens (17 & 14), it’s the end of term, lots of parties going on. We have a 60th birthday party which has been long standing in the diary. Do we want to go? Not really, it’ll be stuffy, and we will be letting our friends down. Do the teens want to go? Hell no. But are we going? YES! I love my grandparents dearly, my children are incredibly lucky to still have their great-grandparents, and I agree with the sentiment that pretty soon, we will only have photographs of them.

So without knowing the context due to the leaking tap you have, it’s difficult to understand why you declined the trip. But at 96, time and moments are precious - I don’t think my grandparents will make 96. So you should seize every opportunity to get those photos and create those memories, because let’s face it, your child won’t remember them and photos will be all that is left - and they will be without him in it because you chose not to go.

How many people in the UK have aircon?

What is the point in starting a thread with so little information or context, and then refusing to answer anyone's questions or give any context ?

YABVVVU for that.

None of us can really comment as to whether the situation is unreasonable or not as you aren't engaging.