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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt my husband holidayed without me and baby?

165 replies

Pepetheparrot · Today 09:07

To think its a bit off that my husband is going on holiday today without me and his 4 month old son? I have no family nearby and we stay rurally (which was his choice) - its a 20 minute drive to city.

OP posts:
hedgeknight · Today 11:31

almay · Today 11:23

I think you posted about him a few weeks ago and it seems this really is part of a bigger picture of him being selfish and only focusing on himself

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5550002-aibu-to-question-whether-my-husbands-behaviour-is-normal-postnatally?page=1

apologies if this isn’t you, just rang a bell.

If that is the OP, that changes things.

She should use the time to find a divorce lawyer.

HammyHocky · Today 11:36

But you were invited and declined? Sorry, but I don’t see the issue. My DH has gone away without me and DC and I have had two nights away without him and DC. It’s life. You can sort out a holiday for you if you want and he should not object. You were invited, you said no.

rainbowstardrops · Today 11:39

This is like trying to get blood out of a stone.

Rizzz · Today 11:40

rainbowstardrops · Today 11:39

This is like trying to get blood out of a stone.

There seems to be a weird trend of one sentence posters starting threads lately.

I'm not sure what they get out of them to be honest.

MajorProcrastination · Today 11:47

The extra context of it being a holiday with his family is important.

Is there a reason for the holiday? Like a wedding or visiting friends abroad?

When was the holiday booked? How long have you been together? Were people aware of the pregnancy before the plans were made?

What kind of holiday is it? Are they getting smashed off their faces on coke and booze on a party island? Are they going skiing?

I ask because I wonder if there's been an assumption made somewhere by someone that it's not a suitable holiday for a baby. (Even if it is, he shouldn't be going on it!)

Who knows.

None of that makes a difference to it being utterly shitty of your husband to go on holiday WITH FAMILY and leave his wife and FOUR MONTH old brand new baby.

Is he trying to get a break from the challenges of parenting a newborn?! Because boy oh boy don't we all want that sometimes in the moment but we don't do it.

Has he done this before?

Is he purposefully isolating you in a rural setting and living a wild life without you?

This is all so off and odd.

Bogofftosomewherehot · Today 11:52

You're being very vague! Not helpful.

Do you have aircon at home and are therefore used to it?

You were invited. Chose not to go as the accommodation didn't suite your requirements.

He wanted to see his mum (who's 95, god bless her). Sounds like this is all UK so he hasn't disappeared on a long flight?

Maybe context would be helpful.

Thechaseison71 · Today 11:53

MajorProcrastination · Today 11:47

The extra context of it being a holiday with his family is important.

Is there a reason for the holiday? Like a wedding or visiting friends abroad?

When was the holiday booked? How long have you been together? Were people aware of the pregnancy before the plans were made?

What kind of holiday is it? Are they getting smashed off their faces on coke and booze on a party island? Are they going skiing?

I ask because I wonder if there's been an assumption made somewhere by someone that it's not a suitable holiday for a baby. (Even if it is, he shouldn't be going on it!)

Who knows.

None of that makes a difference to it being utterly shitty of your husband to go on holiday WITH FAMILY and leave his wife and FOUR MONTH old brand new baby.

Is he trying to get a break from the challenges of parenting a newborn?! Because boy oh boy don't we all want that sometimes in the moment but we don't do it.

Has he done this before?

Is he purposefully isolating you in a rural setting and living a wild life without you?

This is all so off and odd.

Apart from the fact she was invited and chose not to go of vourse

KaleidoscopeSmile · Today 11:55

This is a very irritating drip-feed thread. I'm assuming a drip-feed is incoming

handsdownthebest · Today 11:56

How much say do you have in where you live and your everyday life?
DGC is four months old and has already been on two holidays to hot countries (by air) and is also coping with the present heat here in London.

gotmyselfintoapickle · Today 11:57

Pepetheparrot · Today 10:59

I was loosely invited but I opted not to go as his 95 year old mother said it was hurtful I wanted to stay in an AC hotel due to the heat near London

Sounds like you should have opted to go then.

gotmyselfintoapickle · Today 11:59

KaleidoscopeSmile · Today 11:55

This is a very irritating drip-feed thread. I'm assuming a drip-feed is incoming

Edited

OP - vague post with not enough info for anyone to answer.
Everyone else - questions to try and work out what is going on.
OP - one line answers to questions that still don't paint the full picture.

😅

rainbowstardrops · Today 11:59

Rizzz · Today 11:40

There seems to be a weird trend of one sentence posters starting threads lately.

I'm not sure what they get out of them to be honest.

Show quote history

Quite. It’s painful!

Cherrytree86 · Today 12:01

YABU, OP.

you were invited to go, you didn’t want to.

Notquitethetruth · Today 12:03

If your communication skills on here are indicative of how you interact with your husband then I can understand why he is going away with his family.
One line answers are not the way to communicate effectively.

LBFseBrom · Today 12:09

Pepetheparrot · Today 10:59

I was loosely invited but I opted not to go as his 95 year old mother said it was hurtful I wanted to stay in an AC hotel due to the heat near London

Your husband's mother is 95? Goodness gracious, she's doing well to be going away.

I'd have thought most good hotels were air conditioned. Why was she 'hurt' that you insisted on that, does she enjoy feeling boiling hot?

Frankly I don't think I'd want a holiday like that with such a young baby anyway. Maybe a cottage somewhere, just us, but not with several people.

However you were asked and turned it down. I'm surprised your husband wants to go without his wife and child which makes me think there is more to it.

PennyPugwash · Today 12:13

fucking hell, this is like pulling teeth

Maddy70 · Today 12:14

Pepetheparrot · Today 10:59

I was loosely invited but I opted not to go as his 95 year old mother said it was hurtful I wanted to stay in an AC hotel due to the heat near London

So you were invited. And from the lack of context I'm assuming that you preferred to stay in a hotel that was different to the place that they chose so refused to go. That's up to you. His mum is old he probably wants to spend time with his family of which you are part of and we're invited but didn't fancy it.

He's not being unreasonable, you are

Rizzz · Today 12:16

MajorProcrastination · Today 11:47

The extra context of it being a holiday with his family is important.

Is there a reason for the holiday? Like a wedding or visiting friends abroad?

When was the holiday booked? How long have you been together? Were people aware of the pregnancy before the plans were made?

What kind of holiday is it? Are they getting smashed off their faces on coke and booze on a party island? Are they going skiing?

I ask because I wonder if there's been an assumption made somewhere by someone that it's not a suitable holiday for a baby. (Even if it is, he shouldn't be going on it!)

Who knows.

None of that makes a difference to it being utterly shitty of your husband to go on holiday WITH FAMILY and leave his wife and FOUR MONTH old brand new baby.

Is he trying to get a break from the challenges of parenting a newborn?! Because boy oh boy don't we all want that sometimes in the moment but we don't do it.

Has he done this before?

Is he purposefully isolating you in a rural setting and living a wild life without you?

This is all so off and odd.

Fuck me, I admire your faith in the OP but do you really think she's going to fill in this questionnaire, considering the ridiculously short messages they've posted so far? 😁

thisandthats · Today 12:16

Pepetheparrot · Today 10:59

I was loosely invited but I opted not to go as his 95 year old mother said it was hurtful I wanted to stay in an AC hotel due to the heat near London

What like going on holiday with his mummy and daddy? Not really a massively grown up thing to do. Not sure I'd fancy him much after I guess.

Though at 95 is it that he wants to spend time with them before they are gone and really it was you that didn't want to go because of lack of aircon?

Blessedbethefruitloopss · Today 12:16

How long for?

Ritaskitchen · Today 12:16

Are you the poster who wrote previously about the husband beholden to his elderly mother?
DH always defers to her?
Why don’t you take a holiday with you baby? Find a nice child friendly hotel. With walks nearby and enjoy a change of scenery.

Rizzz · Today 12:19

thisandthats · Today 12:16

What like going on holiday with his mummy and daddy? Not really a massively grown up thing to do. Not sure I'd fancy him much after I guess.

Though at 95 is it that he wants to spend time with them before they are gone and really it was you that didn't want to go because of lack of aircon?

Show quote history

I mean calling parents 'mummy and daddy' isn't really a massively grown up thing to do either.

But other than that, plenty of people are close enough to their family that they enjoy holidaying with them.

It's weird to not fancy them because of it.

sweeneytoddsrazor · Today 12:20

MajorProcrastination · Today 11:47

The extra context of it being a holiday with his family is important.

Is there a reason for the holiday? Like a wedding or visiting friends abroad?

When was the holiday booked? How long have you been together? Were people aware of the pregnancy before the plans were made?

What kind of holiday is it? Are they getting smashed off their faces on coke and booze on a party island? Are they going skiing?

I ask because I wonder if there's been an assumption made somewhere by someone that it's not a suitable holiday for a baby. (Even if it is, he shouldn't be going on it!)

Who knows.

None of that makes a difference to it being utterly shitty of your husband to go on holiday WITH FAMILY and leave his wife and FOUR MONTH old brand new baby.

Is he trying to get a break from the challenges of parenting a newborn?! Because boy oh boy don't we all want that sometimes in the moment but we don't do it.

Has he done this before?

Is he purposefully isolating you in a rural setting and living a wild life without you?

This is all so off and odd.

Well if I live until 95 I will be very happy if I can go on a holiday that involves booze, coke and skiing

GeorgeMichaelsCat · Today 12:26

Pepetheparrot · Today 10:59

I was loosely invited but I opted not to go as his 95 year old mother said it was hurtful I wanted to stay in an AC hotel due to the heat near London

Let me get this straight, you were invited to stay with his Mother in her house near London. You didn't want to as it has been really warm in London and wanted to stay at a hotel with AC so declined the invite. He went anyway?

Notmycircusnotmyotter · Today 12:27

YABU. You can holiday alone when you have a family.