AIBU to feel hurt my husband holidayed without me and baby?

[Pepetheparrot]

To think its a bit off that my husband is going on holiday today without me and his 4 month old son? I have no family nearby and we stay rurally (which was his choice) - its a 20 minute drive to city.

So he’s only going to London? Which is what 2ish hours from Oxford, so he isn’t a million miles away

If I live to 95 I fully intend that that will be my only kind of holiday.

Won't be inviting my adult sons though. they can stay home and look after their babies.

So this is sounding more and more like he's gone to visit his elderly parents and you didn't want to go because they don't have aircon?

If that's the case YABVU.

How long has he gone for?

People don't usually go to London for long holidays.

So your dh is going to stay at his family's who don't have a/c, you refused because you wanted a hotel and think he shouldn't go?

It's all such a non event. Buy a fan and go.

2nd sentence tells you the age of the baby

Well, you could’ve done if you were invited. I don’t think it’s hurtful that you went to stay somewhere with A/C and I’m surprised a 95 year old is holidaying in London anyway (London is so busy, hardly a holiday) - but that’s besides the point!

I’ll be honest. My husband wouldn’t ever leave me or my son. I think he would maybe if he was the best man for a his best friends stag but that’s about it. And he would probably make arrangements with my MiL so I could have help, especially when my baby is so young (I also have a 4 months old)

regards to you living rurally - I’m also 20 min drive from the local town but being in your own whilst he’s away shouldn’t stop you doing stuff! I drive into town every dj for day with our baby. Makes a world of difference!.

It's like pulling teeth.
Give us some info OP instead of drip feeding

@Notmycircusnotmyotter

you can.

On your limited updates YABU.

20 minutes is nothing. Get in the car with baby and get whatever you need if you need it.
AirCon really isn't essential. 90% of us are managing fine without.
It's DH's 95 year old GP. Cut him some slack for wanting to share some time with her.
You were invited.

So you were invited and chose not to go. What's the problem?

some people are soooooo precious! It’s like they’re scared to feel a bit warm and sweaty…as if they’re gonna melt or something. Air con really isn’t an essential. I hate it in fact - recycled ice cold air blasting you in the face - no thanks!

That’s your decision. The hotel would be cool enough, sit in the lobby, go sightseeing in areas that have air con.
If his DM is 95 she probably won’t have many trips left.
Just go on the trip. 4 month olds are easy enough to transport.

If you discussed it and this arrangement was what worked best for everyone then you are a bit unreasonable to be upset. You could have gone with him if you wanted.

If I lived rurally and my partner was going away and leaving me on my own with a 4 month old, I'd expect him to either do a big shop or get a delivery of whatever I might need from the supermarket while he was gone so some of the burden was taken off me while I was parenting solo. I also wouldn't want him gone too long but I would understand him wanting to spend time with an elderly relative.

She is not the only parent with a 4 month old. Ridiculous to add a previous thread in as suspicion when it is a different username too.
Detailing the thread.
I doubt the OP with limited details in her posts is the same poster.

Was his mum paying for the hotel but you wanted air conditioning? You could have booked your own hotel if that was an issue, you don't have to stay in the same one.
I think he's a bit unreasonable because of a young baby but couples going on holiday separately isn't unreasonable at all.

Absolutely. You could have gone. YABU.

It's perfectly reasonable for you not to want to stay at your in-laws with a young baby in the middle of a heatwave, OP. I'd prefer a hotel with AC too, and think I'd have probably just booked it regardless.

However, YABU to refer to the trip as a holiday when it's a family party, and at 95, it could be your MIL's last, so your DH isn't BU to go and YABU to feel hurt about it.

But as it's so hard to get relevant details from you about this, I wonder if you were as vague with your DH as you have been on here? If you didn't explicitly tell him why you didn't want to stay with his family, you can't really be surprised that he didn't get why it was so important to you.

You said you ‘we stay rurally’, are you Scottish and you mean you live rurally? Or are you staying with your DH in some rural place and he’s gone off somewhere else?

Well then. You decided not to go .

Oh, what?! That info wasn't in the first two posts I read from OP! Bloody hell. That changes EVERYTHING!

Unless there's a very good reason you can't go-for example the holiday is something like a memorial for one of their family members you didn't know, and it would be inappropriate for a baby to be there. But as you mention nothing like this, no it's not ok. When my kids grow up, if they're married and have kids, there's no way I'd expect them to come on holiday without their spouse and child-I'd never dream of inviting them alone, and expecting them to leave their new baby!

I'm in!

You were invited and you declined. YABU

Hang on. Right, I'm catching up with some extra info on board now.

20 minutes from the nearest CITY?! Babe, that's nothing! I live 20 minutes from the nearest city but I can get there by train, bus, car and I live in a town with plenty of shops, a range of supermarkets, parks, beaches, doctors, schools, churches. 20 minutes from a city isn't the middle of nowhere.

Even rurally, the more rural places I know of have a park, pub, church, shop etc.

The 95 year old who was hurt that you wanted to stay in a hotel with AC near London - you're going to have to give us more on that. Like, was there a family visit planned and you refused to stay in the family home because you'd only go if you were in an air conditioned hotel? Do you live in an air conditioned house? Because I don't. You're hung up on the AC, the 95 year old probs thinks you've just poopooed her home.

Literally guessing here because you're giving us NOTHING.

Big thing is: YOU WERE ACTUALLY INVITED??!! This isn't a throw away comment, this is ESSENTIAL to the original question and changes EVERYTHING.

Why would you not go on the holiday with your baby and husband and family?

My initial response was eek, husband appears to be isolating her and controlling her and how outrageous that he's gone off on hols without her but with all the extra details hmm... it's not quite as clear cut as first it seemed and I want to take back my original reading of the situation.