AIBU to feel hurt my husband holidayed without me and baby?

[Pepetheparrot]

To think its a bit off that my husband is going on holiday today without me and his 4 month old son? I have no family nearby and we stay rurally (which was his choice) - its a 20 minute drive to city.

Bit of a drip feed @Pepetheparrot

You were invited and you chose not to go.

Either you’re awkward and fussy and your husband had enough and just went ahead with the plans or he’s not a great husband and didn’t advocate for his families legitimate needs for the trip.

Only you know which one is true.

What a bizarre way to frame it. What’s wrong with taking a family holiday with your parents as an adult? It’s a pretty normal thing to do.

Especially if they are very elderly! My parents don’t feel confident going on their own anymore & we are happy to spend timee with them as we know it is limited!

Why do you care what she thinks? Book into an air conditioned hotel and join them.

I don't think there's any point in continuing to beg the OP for any context whatsoever.

I can't see the problem with the man visiting his very elderly mother, with OP declining to go, with shops (?) being a 20 minute drive away.

No, it is not a bit off that your DH is going on holiday with his mum and leaving you. You were invited and declined, just because you declined it doesn’t mean your DH has to. At 95 there’s not going to be many more summers for a holiday so he does right to go spend time with her

DH did two legs of the round the world yacht race. One when I was four months pregnant. The other when baby was seven months old. We were rural. I just topped up the freezer, made sure there were plenty of logs for the log burner because of power cuts. He was gone between three and four weeks each time. Friends with husbands working offshore managed twin babies for nearly two months.

Single parents manage every day.

YABU

Inconsiderate and selfish of him.

This has been mentioned a few times in the thread that the OP states the baby is 4 months old.

Did you not read it? 😉

Not the whole thread, no! That first response asking the baby's age made me face palm and I thought 'fuck this!' as I knew the thread would be full of people that hadn't read the OP properly

Well am glad that my distractedly typed post has given such excitement!
How embarrassing for me. Fully chastised! 😆

YABU.

1. You were invited, you chose not to go.
2. You're being precious about the heat.
3. She's 95, you'd think you can be accommodating of someone so very elderly.
4. 20 minutes to the city or the shops is nothing
5. He's two hours away. If there was a problem he could be straight back with you.

If the mother is 95, he's probably 55 - 70. If you have a 4 month old, this will be a significant age difference. Is that part of why you didn't want to go?

Do they disapprove of your relationship?

You could of gone and chose not to

Like Norwich for example. Or living in the Forest of Dean.

I'm confused. Why would 95 Yr old mum find it hurtful that you wanted A/C? I would have thought she would have too? Especially in this heat 🥵.

Reading the minimal information given in your comments, it sounds like you’re from the UK, the holiday is to see his family near London, he chose to go on the holiday, you were invited but chose not to go because you didn’t like the accommodation, if this is the case then YABU, you were offered to join and declined, that doesn’t mean your husband has to decline too. If he was going away for weeks abroad I could maybe understand the frustration, but he’s staying in the country and if it’s like usual trips in country it’ll be a few days away from home.

More information needed. How long has he gone for? It sounds like you were invited but didn't like the hotel they had chosen. Are you stranded while he is away because you don't drive/he has taken your only car/there are no buses or trains nearby?

What’s hurtful about ac? You’re being unreasonable. It’s a few days. Not a few months.

So he let his family exclude you, his wife and the mother of his child , from a holiday on the basis you needed air on ? A holiday in which it doesn’t sound like you were welcome on in the first place.

I don’t think that you’re unreasonable for wanting air con with an infant.

Is your husband ordinarily rude, dismissive and accepting of his family disrespecting you and his child ?

They didn’t exclude her she excluded herself

Oh honestly what a load of drama. If you declined the invite then that’s your problem.
It sounds like you’re trying to make him feel guilty for seeing his family which is just manipulation.

And it’s downright stupid to live a 20
min drive from shops unless you drive yourself. Why an earth did you move there? What would you do if your DH had to travel with work, or was ill? Unless your DH stuffed you into the boot of the car in a blindfold I assume you had some say in this? But I would seriously be reconsidering options if you really are this helpless every time he is away. But, for now, if you got a big shop in before he goes and you’ve got taxis for an emergency then I think that’s the best option.

You've since updated that you were asked to go, and chose not to.

So no, your husband is not being unreasonable for going. You're the unreasonable one.

You sound like very hard work.

Do you have air conditioning at home? I would prefer to stay in a hotel that had air conditioning but I don't think it would be the only deciding factor in terms of a holiday because I don't have air conditioning at home. If his mother is 95, realistically how many more family holidays is he's going to get to have with her?