AIBU to feel hurt my husband holidayed without me and baby?

[Pepetheparrot]

To think its a bit off that my husband is going on holiday today without me and his 4 month old son? I have no family nearby and we stay rurally (which was his choice) - its a 20 minute drive to city.

95 year old mother ?? ....How old is your husband ?

So you were invited as a family but you chose not to go?

This is like getting blood out of a stone.

20 minute drive to any shops

20min drive to the city isn’t far.
How long is he away for? Can you have a break another time?

As long as you also get time to go away on holiday (perhaps when baby is a little older), then that sounds fine. I go away on holiday without dc and dc at least once a year. When my first was 16 months old. I went to Australia for 2 weeks. It was partly for a work conference but I made a holiday out of it too. It was fab. We live rurally too. A 20 minute drive to town is fine. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s something to do. If you’re off with baby, you have all day.

So you were invited, but decided not to go.

You don't get to decide that your husband doesn't get to see his 95 year old mother.

So his mum was unreasonable or perhaps you were a bit inflexible or didn't have a proper conversation with her, given how little you're telling us? Sounds like he's in a tricky situation. If you're in Scotland (writing 'stay') then there won't be many more times he can see his mum. Appreciate 4 months can be a difficult time, and why you'd want aircon, but why not arrange him covering a break for you when he gets back, even just several breaks of a few hours if you're breastfeeding?

Ok so you chose not to go, that’s fine.

It would not be fair to then impose that rule to your DH.

He can choose like you can.

I would have also chosen to stay home too.

How long is he going for?

It's a bit hurtful that he went without you, but by the sounds of it you are well out of it if they can't even accept your accommodation preferences.

Sounds like you've cut off your nose to spite your face and now you're pissed off with your husband but really it should be yourself you're annoyed at.

Staying at a hotel would have been the compromise. Does your home have AC?

If my mother was 95 I would want to spend time with her.

If you were invited but decided not to go, then I think it's fine that your dh went. Surely you had the choice to go with him if you didn't think you could manage a solo weekend?

It sounds a bit like you were expecting your refusal to mean he couldn't go?

Do you have a problem telling us the details? Your posts are very odd and missing lots of information.

What’s the issue with that per se? Can you not drive?

on the face of it he and his family sound like arses to have arranged this in the circumstances but what is it for? A special occasion, birthday etc? Or just because.

and how old are you and your husband? Just wondering as his mother is 95, quite old for someone to be becoming a granny unless she and either your/your husband are also quite old parents.

This. You were invited - whatever loosely means - and declined. Unless you explicitly said to D H please don’t go I can’t cope with the baby on my own & he refused, you are being ridiculous.

So you were invited but didn't like the accommodation?

Could your DH take your son with him?

Sorry OP but it feels like you are feeding as little information as possible to make your DH seem unreasonable. For that you are unreasonable.

I don't know without extracting more info which seems to be like pulling teeth. 2 weeks abroad he is probably being U. If you're in the UK and he's gone to London for a couple of nights, YABU.

What does the holiday have to do with you living rurally? If you can’t get around without your husband, that’s another problem in itself.

How did the holiday come about? You need to explain properly.

I think you posted about him a few weeks ago and it seems this really is part of a bigger picture of him being selfish and only focusing on himself

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5550002-aibu-to-question-whether-my-husbands-behaviour-is-normal-postnatally?page=1

apologies if this isn’t you, just rang a bell.

"Yes MIL but I need a cool room for me and the baby" 🤷‍♂️

You would've gone on the holiday and she would've got over it.

This does seem very much your choice.

so you were invited but wanted a hotel, are they staying with family?

in your shoes I would be happy not to go, it’s baking hot in the City.

can you drive? If so get to the shops, fill your fridge with favourite foods and chill whilst he is gone and/or get a grocery delivery? (Sainsburys do rural) snuggle baby, fuck the housework, he can do that when he returns.

Well, then that's cutting off your nose to spite your face, surely? Perfectly possible to say 'I struggle with heat in London in these temperatures, MIL' and just book the room.

Most 95 year olds don't handle heat well and London and the surrounding area is a bit of a heat island, so you're better off where you are and he's free to deal if she develops a HRI. He might even be more susceptible given his age.

Or were you expecting him not to go since 95 year old objected to your need for a/c. It sounds like you stayed home because of that and he went because it's something he wanted to go to.

So it your choice not to go, he is an adult and can decide for himself