Am I wrong to stay out of a falling out between two friends?

[Lilifer]

I am looking for some perspective or advice on a difficult situation with two long term friends.
Two of my closest friends have fallen out. I’ve known both of them for years. One of them, I’ll call her Emma has been slowly and quietly freezing the other one out for over a year. My other friend, I’ll call her Anna had no idea why and has been really hurt and upset by it. To make things worse, Anna has been going through a really serious health challenge during this time and has had very little support. She’s a single mother, not originally from our city, has no family nearby. I felt awful watching Emma treat her this way and honestly I do think it’s been quite unkind.
But if I’m honest, Emma also intimidates me a little. I’ve seen how she operates when she decides she doesn’t like someone or doesn’t approve of them. She can be wonderful when she’s on your side but when she turns on someone she can be quite aggressive and cutting about it. I’ve watched her do it to others and I really don’t want to end up on the receiving end of that myself.
Then Emma removed Anna from our WhatsApp mum friends group publicly, the notification showed everyone that she’d been removed, which was humiliating for Anna and she was devastated and told me so. Up till then she’d never once asked me to take sides or get involved during the eighteen months of Emma gradually freezing her out. But after this she finally asked me directly to have her back, not to fall out with Emma or cause any scenes, just to quietly be less available to her. Less coffee, less socialising, that kind of thing. She said it was what she would do for me without hesitation.
I told her I always have her back and suggested we meet for a walk to talk. But if I’m being honest, I kept avoiding making the time for it because I didn’t want to have the conversation. Because if we talked properly, I might end up feeling like I had to actually do something. And I wasn’t sure I was prepared to do that.
Then I went away on holiday. While I was away I heard about some other upsetting things that had happened to Anna but I couldn’t really face dealing with it so I sent her some holiday videos and asked how her weekend had gone.
When she told me about another hurtful incident involving Emma I didn’t really respond to that at all apart from to send her funny insta cat video. I just couldn’t face it.
Since I got back Anna has gone a bit quiet. She’s not responding when I send her funny videos or light messages. I feel like things are really awkward between us and I don’t know what to do.
I know Anna is isolated, struggling, and has been incredibly patient. I know she’s only ever asked me for one thing. I know I promised a conversation and didn’t follow through. And if I’m honest, I know exactly why things have gone quiet, because she finally saw through my excuses.
Am I wrong? Am I being a coward? And what would you do in my position?

I'd call Emma out ... she does it because nobody stands up to her. Emma is a bully!

You’re being completely spineless.
It’s not a ‘falling out between two friends’. Emma is being hateful towards Anna just because she didn’t agree with her, and because she rightfully called her husband out for being a dick.
The fact that you’re scared of being on the receiving end of Emma’s cruelty speaks volumes. You’re being a terrible friend to Anna who clearly needs support.
I think she is better off without you or Emma as ‘friends’.

Poor Anna.

if you want to be a grown up plus still have Emma in your life, why I don’t know as she will turn on you next, you need to also see Anna.

you invite her to your house for a coffee. You explain you aren’t going to take sides or get involved but you still want to be friends. So then that’s the conversation out of the way. She can then decide what’s best for her.

Emma sounds like a cunt !
Why U would stand back and allow her to treat your friend Anna like this I don't know !!! That's it stop being a coward and be decent and support Anna cus I guarantee Emma will do it 2 u at some point !!!

From what you’ve said, it sounds like you have a toxic friend group including partners so it may be difficult to go against them BUT you seem to be trying to justify your compliance with bullying and expect everyone to agree that you’re not part of the problem because you’ve convinced yourself that you’re an innocent bystander. You’re not an innocent bystander and you have definitely taken a side. You’re an enabler who is giving fuel to these obnoxious mean people. I’m wondering why you would want people like that in your life, and why you are happy to live in fear of them which you have already admitted. You have a choice to not engage with them yet you’re choosing them. Do you have children? Do you think it’s good enough to model these values?

@Lilifer youve put your head in the sand because you ‘hate confrontations’ (aka don’t have a backbone) and lost a friend, hurtI g her even more in the process.
You’ve put your own confort ahead of hers.

Whether it’s ok or not depends on your own morals/what you feel is important in life.

You say ‘this isn’t primary school’, but that’s exactly how it sounds. You prefer to keep quiet while the mean girl gets away with being mean. I don’t see what you get out of remaining friends with someone you are scared of, and you are no sort of friend to Anna. Sending a cat video to someone in distress???? Well, that’s truly catty.

Troll hunting's against talk guidelines, that's why.
Just because the OP may have started other threads on different things, doesn't automatically mean this hasn't happened 😕

Emma isn't your friend if you're scared of her.

You've not been a friend to Anna if you refuse to engage other than through jokey videos and holiday spam when she's having a rough time.

Emma sounded like a thick bully before you mentioned the Boris thing and it was confirmed that she is indeed someone I would not want as a friend.

I like my friends. Friends should lift each other up, enjoy each others company and support one another when things get tough. Emma doesn't sound like a friend, she's just someone you know.

Anna has done well to be rid of the lot of you and I hope she finds some lovely people to be friends with.

By not choosing a side you are choosing a side. You have been cowardly and selfish. Stand up and be counted. If Emma turns on you so fucking what, just set up your own splinter group.

Yes. That is so sad. What an awful thing to do.

And fwiw I don’t think Emma would do this to me.

Lol
That’s because you (and your husband) are weak pathetic doormats with nothing of substance. Reading your posts I’m imagining you’re both like very Peter Pettigrew 😂

How pathetic that you would simper to a woman like Emma because you’re scared of her turning on you and your DH is her husband’s fanboy.

Emma is a bully, and you’re no better by standing by and watching. You could have had an honest conversation with Emma about not getting involved from the beginning, but instead you’ve skirted around it all. Who wants a bloody cat video when they’re telling a friend how hurt they are?

Emma will turn on you eventually too, just as soon as you have a differing opinion or say something she doesn’t like. Anna is better off without the pair of you.

Yeah a friend who doesn't stand up for someone against a bully when they know damn well why they should is no friend. Are you in a difficult position? Undoubtedly. Is it Anna's fault? Sure doesn't sound like it to me, yet she's the one suffering. I hope she finds better friends. Emma sounds like a cow and when it's your turn on the receiving end of her nastiness, don't look to Anna for support.

When people "try not to take sides", it hurts SO much when you are the person who's been badly treated. I think far less of some people 5 ish years down the line and it's changed our relationship completely, if it's survived at all.

YABVVU

Changing small details to maintain anonymity doesn't necessarily indicate a poster is a troll. If you searched my posts my age will change. So will the ages/sex of my DC, the city I live in, the area I travelled to etc. I change these things so I can't be identified but the fundamental truth of the post still stands.

Cannot believe this is how you are all behaving tbh. “This isn’t primary school” well you are all acting as if you are.

Emma and her husband both sound like absolute assholes. You are a complete wet lettuce here. It would have taken only one of these incidents for me to drop Emma like a hot potato. And now your friend who has been going through a terrible time all around has reached out to you and the best you could do is funny cat videos. You really need to grow a backbone and support your friend. I’d be telling Emma exactly what I thought of her hurtful behaviour, apologising to Anna for not handling things better and I’d probably create a new Emma-free group chat and set up something nice to do together.

There is a toxic person in every group. If she has already tried to cause a divide she will not stop. It is Emma I would be distancing from but I know you don't want to as you will suffer the consequences. Have been there myself. Some women never grow up and ruin friendships for everyone.