AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

Personally think it's very strange that your sister wants 2 weeks away from her child. One week I can understand, but would have thought the 2nd week she would want her child with her, and for them all to celebrate the wedding as a family. It's not like she is trekking through Nepal or something and the child can't be there, if it's France there is no reason - sounds like she doesn't specially like her own child!

Oh come on. She's on her high horse of religious fervour. Which is sad really given the sexual abuse and cover ups in the Catholic Church.

People get married later today. The world has changed. Thank god. Amen. Judgemental people need to remember that some of the most relious people on the planet are the most evil... Just ask that post office murderer and ordained priest Paula vennells.

Is the baby and toddler the same child? I.e. the now 8 year old?

YANBU, and your sister is being a cheeky fucker. I really dislike people who think your down time is theirs for the using.

You’ve booked two weeks off to relax and spend time with your husband, not to provide childcare. Don’t upend your own plans.

I’m surprised the in laws giving this gift didn’t consider the glaringly obvious issue here - did they think you could just be imposed upon in this way?

Let them do it.

Asking someone to give up a whole week of annual leave to care for their child is a huuuuuge ask. I wouldn't feel you have to say yes. I think volunteering for a couple of days would be kind, but I wouldn't be doing a week.

Sounds like this is one for the groom to sort our either with his family or with you sister- not you.

That makes two of us then, I'm not sure what your point is either. Of course a family holiday is different to a honeymoon, but this is only a honeymoon in the technical sense that it's a holiday timed to be after the wedding. If the couple live together and have a child, we can probably expect they already worked out the birds and the bees some time ago, as well as having plenty of time to get to know each other as a couple living together rather than just dating.

Haven't read the whole thread (just half of it) and think that two weeks alone, just the bride and groom, is a bit of a weird/ unreasonable ask once you have kids. Maybe a week by themselves and a week with their child would be a reasonable compromise, and everyone else could help out with their daughter for a few days?

However, I can't imagine going away without my kids, and have never holidayed without them!

Well I had a cousin who adopted a baby from Russia. When the baby was 6 months old they got married and had a 'proper' honeymoon of traveling around South Africa for 3 months and left the baby with his parents while they had the honeymoon of their dreams. So the bar can get lower.
But surely the first week doing the proper honeymoon and child care with in-laws as per their offer and then your niece joining for the second week for a family holiday is the solution here. The niece then feels included and you have the post wedding break you want.
A week is long enough for 'proper' honeymoon activities when you have an 8 year old.

such a charming mother.....poor child.

OP, you seem to be saying that your sis has 2 kids? what will happen to the other one?

‘Happy to have her round on X night for tea and drop her back at yours before bedtime. It won’t be a late one though, got a lot planned with my time off work - feel like my feet haven’t touched the ground with the wedding prep and GCSE revision!’

i really hate this "couple of days each" thing....playing pass the puppy with a child.

Some people just don't love or want their children. That's what boarding schools were invented for...

"see you are half term dahling, ta ta, Toodle pip!"

Clearly this couple want a few dirty nights free of the child... Well, 13 or 14 nights, breakfasts, lunches, dinners...

The kid is just getting in the way, clearly... It's not like the future husband doesn't know she exists...but he's got other priorities :)

We are going away for 2 nights but can’t go for any longer unfortunately. We share caring responsibilities with my husbands 2 siblings for MIL. She is very ill so we don’t want to be far from her even when it’s his siblings days to do the care.

Absolute no way.
They chose to do things this way round. They should take the child with them. Poor thing. Clearly an inconvenience to them

To be fair, groom was planning to take the child. It's the bride who doesn't want to.

@godmum56 I agree that it's not nice for the child to be passed around, but the two weeks away without her is too long in the first place.

My children used to cry when one of us went away for work/a long weekend, let alone both parents for this length of time. Until they were teenagers, of course, then they waved goodbye enthusiastically. 😂

I totally agree.

Babies become toddlers.

None of that stops individuals having a genuine belief and practising their beliefs without being child abusers.

You can't use the wickedness of one individual as an excuse to mock the position of another.

And as far as her point actually went, she isn't wrong: if you don't have children before your wedding, you don't need childcare for your honeymoon. Nothing to dispute in that comment.

Poor child two weeks is a long tme for an 8 year old especially if she’s not going to be n the same place the whole time. Way to make her feel in the way.

Oh give over. She's just being honest about what she'd do. We're all different. I also would for my sister.

Though that doesn't change a 2 week holiday as a gift without childcare having been considered is off and the sister (in this case) is cheeky to ask.

Op, you have your break. It really does sound like you have a lot on your plate and need a rest.
Your niece would be better off with her parents on holiday.

OMG who cares. Mumsnet sleuthing looking through an OPs past posts to try and catch them out is literally the worst hobby ever. Go take up breakdancing or shoplifting or something more interesting.

It was a post on here, I don’t think anyone is trying to use it as a ‘gotcha’