AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

Can you agree to just 2 or 3 nights as your husband had a surprise break booked for you.
He wasnt going to tell you, but now they have asked to you have DN, he has had too!
I wonder where he could take you 😁

Yes, mother Theresa...

Be careful not to get your catholic cross lodged anywhere delicate :)

Don't lie. Why do people always suggest lying?
Tell the truth, you're having a break and don't want to take her.

They shouldn't have given such a gift without being prepared to take the child on. They can't just assume that someone else would be available to do it. That seems like poor thinking on their part.

In your shoes for this one off event of the marriage, I would do your holiday as planned, then have your sister's DD for 3 or 4 nights at the end of the 2 weeks. That way you get most of what you wanted, show willing to your sis, and avoid a massive fall-out. The in-laws can cover the rest between them, especially the girl's grandparents.

This ⬆️

Poor child that the parents want to go on a fortnight’s holiday without her at very little notice. Were they planning a family holiday this summer, or would it mean a holiday for them and no holiday for their child? Enjoy your break with your DH and your own children.

YANBU - I wouldn’t do it, two weeks is an awful long time. The in laws have gifted this so they can provide the childcare.

I also find it a bit mad to want to be away from your child for two weeks unless living in some Enid Blyton or C. S. Lewis novel. One week maybe for an 8 year old. Do in-laws have a mysterious wardrobe in their house?

She's not wrong though. If you have kids when you get married already, things are going to be different. I'd also assume they'd had the honeymoon, or something like it, prior anyway.

with my family’s dynamic, I would 100% do this for my sister, and she’d do it for me.

we do seem to be quite different with how we approach the ‘it takes a village’ sentiment though.
We’re very much all in.

In-laws have DN for a week then take her over to join them in France for the second week.

I still don't understand the post where @NotHappyFamilies said the sister was coping with a baby and a toddler when her children were younger. As in the sister would have been coping with a baby and toddler (as in OP's children)?

The be kind posters have arrived to volunteer someone else’s services again. How nice of them. 🤣

OP, you are just as entitled to time with your husband as she is. It sounds as though she has leaned on you quite enough for this wedding anyway without expecting another week or two of childcare. She needs to look after her own child. If she wanted a honeymoon without kids, she should have had kids after she got married. I feel sorry for the little girl though.

Things get a bit complicated when one goes about them back to front. If you have a family and then get married you can't very easily turn around and say you want a fortnight away without your family. A couple of nights might work but a fortnight is different and the youngster might be as hacked off as you are OP.

It’s cheeky but if you are close you can be a bit cheeky , I probably would agree to a week

YANBU. Two weeks of childcare is a LOT to ask for even if you hadn't been breaking your back over her wedding planning. And obviously she can take the DC with her.

Is there another DC too (you mention she had a baby and toddler but not clear if you just meant a baby who grew into a toddler)?

Two weeks is a long time to leave an 8 year old. A week might be ok but I think the child will object to 2 weeks.

If you offered to have her for a weekend that would be different but someone expecting you to take her for a week is cheeky. You're entitled to enjoy your own holiday

I read it as OPs sister lived abroad when OPs children were young so the sister didn’t help with childcare. Then the sister came home to England when she was pregnant and soon after had her own baby to look after. OP didn’t ask her sister for childcare because her sister then had her own young child to look after, the same child that is now 8. OP had been asked how much her sister helped out with her children when they were younger so the answer is not very much.

I would help out with two weeks childcare for my niece's or nephews if I felt there were good reason. I wouldn't do it in this situation because it seems shitty for the child. Dad was expecting her to come on the holiday, but mum wants to pretend it's a honeymoon in the traditional sense, ie romance before children arrive? For two weeks?

I'd do some childcare, but I agree that they're being cheeky @NotHappyFamilies and not very kind to their DD. If you're comfortable with two-three days, that's what you should agree to.

The in-laws organized this holiday, they should organize the childcare.

You think OP is selfish?

But the mother going off for multiple 2-week trips without her young child, expecting others to do weeks of babysitting, is absolutely fine of course

🙄🙄🙄 right back at you

I’ll take your older school and raise you. My Granny was of the era unmarried sisters moved in with married ones to help care for offspring. This is 1 week. 1 week. After just getting married. Take your child negates the point of a honeymoon to spend time with your new spouse. Point is I’d do it for siblings or close friends. This boundaries obsession sometimes goes far too far. Imho. Nothing to argue about. Just my view that now and then, just occasionally its ok to set yourself on fire to keep folk you love most warm knowing they’d do same for you.

Your sister sounds quite entitled and I wouldn’t enable her by offering! I’d probably compromise on 3 nights at the end. You and your husband are entitled to a break too. Get on booking.com sharpish

It sounds like they gave the gift of the holiday for their son, OPs sister AND their child. OPs sister has had the fabulous idea of not taking their child and is trying to palm her off onto OP. 🤨

How some people come to the conclusion that OP is selfish, but not the mother of this child whose job it is to look after her own child, is laughable. Are they trolling because I find it difficult to take them seriously?

The fact that my sister has asked me would be reason enough for me.

I wouldn’t leave my children for 2 weeks at the ages they are, but plenty of people do, so to each their own.
Life doesn’t stop when you have children, a honeymoon IS a romantic time, having a child there would change the dynamic. There’s nothing wrong with wanting quality time with your partner.
yes, it would have been a non issue if they got married before children, but that’s the same for any time away, isn’t it?