WIBU to withdraw my offer of accommodation after she cancelled dogsitting?

[Dogshitter]

A good friend of mine recently got in touch asking if she could stay with me for a few weeks during August. She has been travelling and can’t move back in to her house until her current tenants have left. As it happens, I needed to find a Dogsitter for one of the weeks when I’m away working. This seemed like the perfect arrangement and I would have been happy to accommodate her as it suited us both. I cancelled my paid booking with my regular dog sitter and informed said friend.

She messaged me late last night saying she’d accidentally double booked and agreed to do a house/dogsit (trusted house sitters or something) during the week I needed her to dogsit. It’s in a location close to an elderly relative of hers so she can spend some quality time there too. She was hugely apologetic but resolute that she couldn’t cancel the other dogsit in favour of helping me.

This has been arranged for almost a month, and I’m now in the situation of having to find paid dogsitting over the bank holiday weekend. It’s not just about the money; my dog is really nervous and not the best fit for many dogsitting situations.

I feel like telling her that she can’t stay for the remaining weeks now that the situation no longer works for me. We agreed this prior to her taking the other booking, and it’s left me in the shit.

WIBU to refuse to let her stay now?

If she got all the dates wrong, then is she now going to have to cancel on the elderly relative?

What a flaky friend. I would respond, ‘September isn’t going to work for me for house guests though-shame the August plan didn’t work out. Let’s meet up for dinner though when you’re back x’

Im just here for your user name @Dogshitter

You sound like a good person OP and an understanding friend. Just sorry you’ve been let down. Good plan not to commit to September just yet. Friendship does need to be two ways. Good luck!

How long does she need housing for?

I genuinely would tell her to do one.
She was just using you,until it meant some effort on her part.
Despicable.

Just read all your messages, OP.
Still no forgiveness here. I'd still drop her like a hot stone.

I've been used in the past. I've got a harder shell now.
Forgiveness is a luxury some people don't deserve.

Given you say you have boundary issues anyway, and you've been so nice to her so far, I think you should say no to Sept. Not everything has to be a power game it's true, but there are limits, and when someone says "jump" you shouldn't just ask how high.

She got the month wrong now?

😂

Yeah, she'd be finding her own accomodation for whichever month she picks.

I did let a friend stay while work was being done on her home. I barely saw her because she worked opposite shifts and I wasn't home that much but she used to clean and leave things like extra groceries and things she knew I liked and she bought me a gorgeous rebozo when she moved out. I barely knew she was there.

I wouldn’t let her stay, she is a pain. Has she even apologised for all the messing about?

I’m starting to see that she made a conscious decision that letting me down was worth a better offer. That’s fine, but it will definitely influence any future generosity on my part

But it's not fine though is it? Would you have done something like that to a friend? No. So it's not fine. Don't be a door mat because people will walk all over you.

Agreed.
I wouldn't want someone with such a shocking memory (and a possible drink problem) to look after my dog and stay at my property anyway. She's probably done you a big favour 😔

@TheBlueKoala @BabyBump1212 You’re both right. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get. I am very fond of this friend, but she can be chaotic and has a tendency to fall out with people. It’s no small thing to offer someone a place to stay in exchange for some dogsitting. She’s homeless, albeit temporarily through her own choice (to go travelling) so presumably has income to pay for accommodation elsewhere. I have decided that my place is now off limits to guests UFN.

Yeah, it’s a sad fact that however distressed I am I can always pull a terrible pun out of my arse 😂

Well done! Save your generosity for those who respect you 🩷

Good for you. Have you told her no?

Going ahead would probably breed resentment and tension op. The friendship stands a better chance of surviving if you don’t host. It might be the case that as time passes, it’s just forgotten but she won’t forget your boundaries. And is unlikely to let you down again or face the consequences.

Hold the friendship lightly if you can be bothered to deal with her. I wouldn’t be a fan - can’t stand CFs, even entertaining ones.

Just tell her you've accidentally double booked sorry she can't stay any longer and say goodness I can't believe we've both done it

The site you mention about trusted and housesitters is a worldwide thing and a great opportunity for people who have the want and time to travel but not the money. You pay to be on the site and you get offered a free home when it comes up. I read through and assumed you were actually advertising them from your first post but the rest just seems like you think shes just been silly and 'only remembered' another gig when in fact she possibly just got the offer of something better as is the norm on there and shes dumped you for somewhere she really wants to be. Shit friend but good site - I use the petsitters sister version of it.

Love your username!

No I haven’t, because she hasn’t asked me directly. This is what she said:

“I'm free 6 Sept to 19 Oct... Not sure what to do then But I'll find things, no worries...”

So not a direct request really, is it? She’s just said she’s “free”

Fair enough. Until she actually asks you outright there is no question to answer. What's the phrase? Don't hear what she didn't say.

Just thumbs up the message and be busy op. I wouldn’t be responding.