WIBU to withdraw my offer of accommodation after she cancelled dogsitting?

[Dogshitter]

A good friend of mine recently got in touch asking if she could stay with me for a few weeks during August. She has been travelling and can’t move back in to her house until her current tenants have left. As it happens, I needed to find a Dogsitter for one of the weeks when I’m away working. This seemed like the perfect arrangement and I would have been happy to accommodate her as it suited us both. I cancelled my paid booking with my regular dog sitter and informed said friend.

She messaged me late last night saying she’d accidentally double booked and agreed to do a house/dogsit (trusted house sitters or something) during the week I needed her to dogsit. It’s in a location close to an elderly relative of hers so she can spend some quality time there too. She was hugely apologetic but resolute that she couldn’t cancel the other dogsit in favour of helping me.

This has been arranged for almost a month, and I’m now in the situation of having to find paid dogsitting over the bank holiday weekend. It’s not just about the money; my dog is really nervous and not the best fit for many dogsitting situations.

I feel like telling her that she can’t stay for the remaining weeks now that the situation no longer works for me. We agreed this prior to her taking the other booking, and it’s left me in the shit.

WIBU to refuse to let her stay now?

Perfect!

"Sorry,this arrangement no longer works for me".

It's interesting that some posters are saying that cancelling the free accommodation could end the friendship as though cancelling the dog sitting is a minor thing. I wonder how they'd have responded if it was the friend who'd posted the story "hey I've cancelled on my friend but still want free accommodation"

IF you still let her come Mates rates for staying over for convenience not actually visiting is around £25 a night, she can stay but not as a freebie.

personally, I’d find it difficult to speak to her again, she didn’t just cancel, she cancelled you for a later offer.

Did you ask her to dog sit before agreeing for her to stay, or cancel your existing booking assuming she would dogs it before asking her? I'm not clear from your post how the dog sit was arranged

A friend letting you down is something you should just suck up, buttercup, otherwise you're being 'petty' 🙄

So she has prioritised her own needs over yours and let you down big time, but still expects free accommodation for the remaining weeks.

She’s taking the Michael.

I second this!

I would just be honest and say it was always a bit of a big ask, but you thought as she was doing you a favour with the dog sitting it was fair. Now it doesn't work for you, especially as you've got a stressful summer. It seems like it didn't occur to her to apologise to her relative and explain that she arranged to dogsit for you first, so I don't think you should feel bad about cancelling.

She has really let you down op. It would be a no from me.

’Let’s catch up next week/month/ year when things are less busy. I have had to rearrange my plans for Rover now, and can’t host guests in August this year. Good luck with the house’

Hi op I would give yourself a few days before replying but I am curious why can’t she stay with the other dog owners or elderly relatives?

Yeah shes taken the piss. Wants to stay for free but doesnt want to dogsit.

I would rather be some people’s idea of petty rather that becoming a walking door mat. CFs love the idea you can be called ‘petty’ and will fall in to line. No.

I can, I'm reading the ops post as she agreed to friend staying so cancelled the dog sitter assuming the friend would sit the dog, then got round to mentioning the dog to find out friend already made arrangements

This has already been settled. The OP only cancelled the dog sitter because her friend said she'd be able to do it. OP had a dog sitter booked but since "friend" would be staying with her, OP thought her dog would be more comfortable staying at home. Then "friend" got a better offer and cancelled on OP.

Hmm, this is tricky because for me it really depends on the friendship. On one hand, friend is not prioritising you when asking for a big favour and that breeds resentment. OTOH, saying she can't stay is making your relationship entirely transactional, you don't want to see her or help her if you can't get something out of it. I have friends where I let a lot of things go because they are genuine and I always enjoy spending time with them, and others where I've let the friendships drift away because I felt they were too frustrating/one sided etc.

Personally I suspect this is not a friendship you need to save, if it was you wouldn't feel stressed about them coming to stay, you'd be looking forward to it, regardless of how busy work was.

Did your friend say that she could 100% dog sit for you on the needed dates?

Your OP sounds like she had already agreed to do the other person first and that you asked second.

Can she take your dog to the other place she is dog sitting?

If she promised she could do it then I’d be so annoyed with her.
But I don’t think I could be so heartless to refuse to allow her to stay with me as planned.

How good is your relationship? What does it mean to you? I mean I don't think you'd be wrong to cancel the other weeks, but it definately says "I was helping you because I wanted your help, rather than because I value you as a friend." You may not be that fond of the woman and, if so, it's fine to say that, but is that what you want to say?

No, the dates were agreed a month ago and then I cancelled the paid dog sitter. She only got in touch last night saying “shit, I’ve fucked up”

I find having anyone to stay stressful, despite how fond I am of them. But one thing that hugely reduces my stress is going away and not worrying about my lovely dog. When the original agreement was made we both agreed it was perfect symbiosis

Absolutely don’t let her stay.

I’d say something like “Okay, it’s far from ideal but I’ll make other arrangements. I assume you’re also making other arrangements for a place to stay. Maybe we can meet up next year instead.”

Just be frank with her. Say, "You have left me in the lurch, this is creating major difficulties for me and my dog. I'm very angry with you and I don't want you to come and stay." There's no need for all the heavy hinting or snide passive-aggressiveness suggested by some.

If you tell her she can't come and stay, your friendship is over, so if you're fine with that, then do it; she doesn't sound entirely trustworthy anyway.

It won’t affect my friendship with her. I’m certain that she just got confused about the dates. I’ve gone back and explained how stressful my summer work schedule is, that she’s still welcome here if she doesn’t mind me being all over the place and knackered. I definitely wont hold a grudge or make her feel bad.

She’s been a good friend for many years and knows she’s fucked up. I’m not going to make her feel any worse, but my initial reflex action was anger.

I’ve hopefully found someone reliable who I trust and can step in to help with my dog. If you’ve ever had a non straightforward dog then you’ll understand the true anxiety of making sure they’re looked after and feel safe when you’re not there.

i would cancel, you will be lucky to find a dog sitter available after cancelling yours because she offered to do the work in exchange of accommodation.

she is not dog sitting, let you down, you may need to cancel the trip due to not finding a sitter so… she doesn’t get any accommodation.

This is not petty, I’m sure you are furious, why would you like to have her around for weeks when she has let you down with this? Do not become a doormat.

This. IMO she probably just CBA to look after your dog.

Let her stay with the relative she’s evidently so keen to spend time with!