WIBU to withdraw my offer of accommodation after she cancelled dogsitting?

[Dogshitter]

A good friend of mine recently got in touch asking if she could stay with me for a few weeks during August. She has been travelling and can’t move back in to her house until her current tenants have left. As it happens, I needed to find a Dogsitter for one of the weeks when I’m away working. This seemed like the perfect arrangement and I would have been happy to accommodate her as it suited us both. I cancelled my paid booking with my regular dog sitter and informed said friend.

She messaged me late last night saying she’d accidentally double booked and agreed to do a house/dogsit (trusted house sitters or something) during the week I needed her to dogsit. It’s in a location close to an elderly relative of hers so she can spend some quality time there too. She was hugely apologetic but resolute that she couldn’t cancel the other dogsit in favour of helping me.

This has been arranged for almost a month, and I’m now in the situation of having to find paid dogsitting over the bank holiday weekend. It’s not just about the money; my dog is really nervous and not the best fit for many dogsitting situations.

I feel like telling her that she can’t stay for the remaining weeks now that the situation no longer works for me. We agreed this prior to her taking the other booking, and it’s left me in the shit.

WIBU to refuse to let her stay now?

YANBU. She's a CF, quite frankly.

You are not paid for Trusted Housesitters, so if it is that, that’s a red herring. I have been cancelled on by a Trusted Housesitter with a month’s notice, so there is no barrier to her cancelling except her own wishes. As I understand it, she doesn’t even risk a bad review unless the actual sit has happened.

However. Is it a very precious friendship? Is she genuinely contrite? Would you have had her to stay if she wasn’t dog-sitting? If the answer to all three is yes, then perhaps suck it up, but be wary next time she needs something. If the answer to any if them is no, sack her off. I think the wording is “I agreed to this thinking it could be a mutually beneficial arrangement, but now the benefit to me is longer there, I’m afraid it’s not convenient.” Transactional arrangements work both ways, by definition.

Exactly this. I’d be really annoyed. Let her know what it feels like to have to rush last minute to find an alternative.

YANBU. She has clearly taken on the job to earn more money PLUS saving money staying with you PLUS the money she earns as a LL.

I would tell her something has come up and she can't stay.

@MathsMum3 No, definitely a dog lover and dogsits for lots of friends/people. I think she’s genuinely made a mistake (& also the other situation probably suits her better). She says she wrote the dates down on a piece of paper that she then mislaid. It’s dropped me in the shit though. I have an extremely stressful work summer and having a house guest isn’t ideal. Knowing my beloved dog would be ok trumped all that, so I think that’s why I’m feeling so angry.

Awful behaviour on her part. Even if you did let her stay it wouldn’t be the same after this. It would be awkward and you’d resent her being there, with good reason.

“Thanks for letting me know. I hope things go well with your move.”

I highly doubt that she is looking after someone else's dog the exact same week you need a dogsitter. She just doesn't want to look after your dog.

I'm pretty sure you don't get paid to be a Trusted Housesitters person. Your "reward" is the free accommodation. She might genuinely want to protect her status on there or be near her relative that week, but that's not the OP's problem. I wonder if she's going to be tapping up the relative for free meals and would be tapping up the OP for the same during their weeks together - so to avoid having to pay for herself during the week alone in the OP's house, she's staying near her relative instead, and will be angling for free hospitality there.

If you would never have agreed to it had you not required the dog sitter then I guess the deal is off.

To me I think I'd probably still say they could stay a few days, if they are nice and not difficult and I thought I'd enjoy seeing them.

But by all means say you've actually also double booked and forgot you've another guest. Or that you're actually away yourself.

If it's Trusted Housesitters, there's no money involved.

Depends on how good a friend she is and whether you’ll miss her friendship if she takes offence.

Don't let her stay the other weeks. Say you've booked a dog sitter even if its not true. Or somebody else is now staying for those weeks. Shame you're both so forgetful. She's a chancer.

Tell her she cant stay.

I wouldn't go with any of the 'clever' responses. I'd simply make it clear that she's left you in the shit, as you cancelled your dog sitter and that the chances of finding another in society are slim to none.

I'd then point out that you are probably going to have to rethink those few weeks as you're now going to have to look at rescheduling your work trip, so you won't be able to host her.

Oh I missed that.

It sounds like she took the booking after agreeing to look after your dog, which should make it an easy choice which commitment to follow through with. Either way, it's her choice whether she lets you down or lets the other people down. She must realise how difficult this will be for you, yet she's prioritising her own preference over your real needs.

It seems unlikely that you'd enjoy her company knowing this, so I'd cancel her stay. Whether you tell her why is up to you, but you could definitely say something about how disappointed you are that after cancelling your arrangements you are now going to have to find another solution. "It's probably best that we forget about meeting up as I can't make any plans at the moment beyond trying to fix this situation."
There's no need to sugar coat it. She has really let you down.

"It's probably best that we forget about meeting up as I can't make any plans at the moment beyond trying to fix this situation."

I like that.

No favour existed, the first thing the OP did was not want to give a favour and turned it into a job for accommodation. So not "still", just the first time the OP will have to consider actually doing a favour for a friend.

Are you sure it wasn’t because she was hoping you would offer her money for dog sitting? As insinuating she would get paid for house sitting at the other house but not yours.

'No.problem, I am glad you are able to stay with your elderly relative. Take care:
That is what I would send.

I would be really pissed off-she can stay with the elderly relative instead until her house is ready.

You cancelled your dog sitter and then informed your friend? You did it the wrong way round!

Ah okay, it was the only explanation I could think of!

yanbu. I’d fall out with a friend who done this quicker than if they slept with DH.
Ddog won’t understand going to a strange house, the new dog sitter.

I think you need to tell her this. A ‘few weeks’ is too long for a house guest.

I am a bit of a pushover and even I would say no to this.