Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

[housinghun]

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son.

It started off as "Can I say hello?".
I agreed.

Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face".
This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son.

OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past.
She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road.
It was her.
I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her.

I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son.

I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him.

I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views.
AIBU to feel this way?

AIBU

Is 60’s now considered an ‘old lady’? I’m in my 40s and I find that a tad depressing.

Don’t worry in a few years time people will ignore you child and then they are seen as annoying

These interactions that ds had as a baby/toddler were moments of the loveliest in human interactions you have in life with strangers the innocence of the child the joy of an adult just seeing a child smile it’s something we should celebrate not get grumpy or suspicious about

I agree. The world has gone mad.

Laughed over this, how true! Esp the annoying bit :-)

Amused by someone in their sixties being called a “lonely old lady”.. I’m in my sixties, I have a teenage dd still at home and an older dd at uni.
One of the joys for me of having tiny children was all the lovely people who would come and talk to them. The African women who worked in my nearest Tesco would squeeze their cheeks, as did the lovely elderly Italian man who lived nearby. The Turkish man in the shop would give them sweets and ruffle their hair. There was a sixty something local woman who would press a coin for luck into their little hands. I grew up in a time and place when this was normal and nice. Seems so sad to me to find this weird, and a woman in her sixties or early seventies being accused of having dementia (!!) just because she likes small children.
I like small children, I talk to them when out and about, I always have done. Now it seems people will think I have dementia..

We really get the society we deserve… god help us. Imagine being so upset about this?

“You don’t owe her politeness”

I suppose that’s one way of navigating the world. As long as you are happy to reap what you sow and don’t expect politeness from others either 🤷‍♀️ Wouldn’t be my choice of attitude for a pleasant and happy life, but there we go, we’re all different aren’t we.

OP, I think it’s fine to ask her not to touch your toddler (I suggest politely).

The bad guys spoilt life for everyone, and we all end up deeply suspicious of each other.

Don't see the issue, unless he felt upset or was made uncomfortable by it? Which i'm guessing at that age he wasn't.People are so unfriendly nowadays but that was not the case in this lady's generation and she doesn't seem to have done anything particularly overly intrusive, maybe she just likes children.

It is sad that being tactile or affectionate seems to have got confused with the whole body autonomy thing, and I don't think all the covid social distancing helped either.

When DD was tiny, I lived in Tokyo. Old ladies would give her sweets and tiny plastic toys as babies are quite rare there. And touch her hand or hair, or coo over her.

It was lovely. I still have some of the toys.

I can’t get past apparently being in OP’s Old Lady parameter ( I’m 62 and this has made me laugh).

Me too, I'm 62 also and feel quite offended to be classed as an 'old lady'.

66/67 is now the retirement age isn't it? All those poor 'old ladies' still grafting! 😏

I live near a truly old lady (well into her middle-nineties). She's a bit of a character and loves standing in her forecourt talking to passers by.

Her current obsession is putting water out for dogs as we have a lot of dog walkers accessing the nearby park ~ she's forever changing the water in case it gets too warm and yesterday mentioned that she's getting through quite a lot of ice cubes to keep the water cool

She loves little children and will always say something kind to any parents with little ones, usually along the lines of "I remember when my little boys used to like going to the park" Her eldest DS is in his early 70's!

She's so well known in this area and people will check on her if she isn't out & about for a few days. After she had a fall last winter she was inundated with neighbours offering help with shopping, cooking and housework. Her next door neighbour puts her bins out for her and I think several other neighbours help out when there are things she can no longer manage

That's what community is all about and we should all be part of it. A smile and a few friendly words can go a long way . . .

just explain you are trying to teach him about stranger danger & not letting people he is unfamiliar with touching him. She obviously has some respect for you & your child otherwise she wouldn't have asked if she could say hello in the first place

Maybe she is a tactile person.
Some of us adore children and like to smile.
Why can people not touch him? Buy some wipes.
Christ the worlds gone weird.

Dear god, how can you compare the two.

The child is a toddler accompanied by a parent. What exactly do you think is going to happen? What is the statistical likelihood that she tucks him under an arm and does a runner at a speed nobody can catch her?

But yes, let's keep children locked up, tracked and under tight supervision until they are 18 and then express shock when they cannot function as normal mentally healthy adults.

Why are parents so anxious about everything nowadays. The world's gone mad.

Yes, it would be different because unfortunately any man who shows an interest in children he doesn't know is suspected of being a paedophile. Are you suggesting it would be better for society if every woman was also suspected of being a paedophile?

A neighbour doesn't have to live right next door. She's still part of your community. You can definitely tell her not to touch your child but you can also model polite behaviour to him by saying hello. Follow it up,with a comment about the weather, then "Goodbye, got to rush".

My sister had the same experience! Her DD had very fair curly hair and this so fascinated the Japanese ladies that they used to ask to take photos of her!

It was not meant as a diagnosis.
It was meant as a suggestion
Social isolation in older age is very much known to be a cause of dementia developing.
And this ladies behaviour shows a lack of awareness of social norms.
Of course i don't know.

What i don't understand is OP's, and other pp on MN on multiple threads, who present older people in such negative ways. And seem to have absolutely no understanding of older age.

Yes, its a well documented accelerator of cognitive decline and dementia. That is precisely why social activity is a key part of keeping an ageing person mentally healthy as well as physically healthy.

That's called hanselling. An old tradition. You crossed the babies hand with silver to bring the baby fortune. Hope it worked.

My elderly mum used to tell me that she wasn’t gong to stay in and mope after she lost her DH. She was in her 80s and even though she was shy when she was younger told me she talked to everyone she met in the shops or whatever. Thankfully people were always kind and had a minute to pass the time of day with her.

I wouldn't like this either. She may be lonely and/or well meaning but you don't have to engage with anyone if it makes you uncomfortable and you certainly don't have to justify not letting strangers touch your child.