Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

[housinghun]

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son.

It started off as "Can I say hello?".
I agreed.

Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face".
This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son.

OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past.
She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road.
It was her.
I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her.

I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son.

I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him.

I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views.
AIBU to feel this way?

AIBU

Elderly people are my toddlers people! For some odd reason she is always waving, smiling and blowing kisses to older people. She is 16 months old.

I think it’s ok to set boundaries and state how you feel but honestly you sound a bit OTT. Did you really have to post on here? No friends or family to discuss with?

This made me cry 😢

@August1980 What has it got to do with you if I posted on here?
Why have you bothered to reply to my post?

I have discussed it with my OH and few family and friends and they have said she sounds crazy hence why I posted on here not that it concerns you.

Have you not read my posts?
Im fine with people waving and talking it's the REPEATED TOUCHING I have an issue with for the 200th time today.!

I think you are going to have to change your name and leave the country. She knows where you live.

I gather from the comments that quite a lot of people may disagree with me, but I think you are right OP. My stepson, who is in his thirties had wonderful curly hair when he was younger. He still remembers how uncomfortable he was with old ladies coming up and touching or trying to touch his 'lovely hair' Your job as a Mum is to protect his bodily autonomy until he can express it himself, and definitely not to teach him that it is okay for strangers to touch him and demand hugs! I despair of some of the opinions on here, I really do. Why does the fact that it's an older lady make it okay to expect to touch a stranger's child?

Have you read the OPs follow up comments? If you had, you will know this is a wind up and some of us are taking the piss. ( It's hot as hell. I need distraction).

People can post regardless of how many friends or family members they have to discuss things with.
That's literally the whole point of this forum.

That’s her striking up a conversation. Her behaviour is normal. It’s human interaction.

I don't think that's the issue. It's that OP hasn't prevented the touching but wants to moan about it ..and compare the lady to murderers and say ...so far she is "weird" "crazy" and more ...
Gathering an unpleasant community around her opinions rather than avoid or stop the behaviours she finds problematic..
Anyhow OP has indicated the police will be involved so it will play out

Old lady in their 60's what a cheek

Oh dear 🤦‍♂️🤣

Well you've made up your mind then! Why post when you are so sure you are right? Maybe a volunteer day in a nursing home might help with your strange attitude.

This lady may have dementia or have no family and be lonely.. where has caring and emohany for others gone. Just smile politely and walk on if she bothers you that much.

@Mykneesareshot- Wtf has volunteering in a nursing home have to do with some stranger to coming my child repeatedly?

And I have a strange attitude because I don't want a stranger touching my son?

I think your the strange one mate.
I don't have time to volunteer in a nursing home as I have my son and my own elderly family members to look after (and they don't go round touching strangers kids in the street either mate).

Jesus Christ, I am so glad that I am older and nearer not being in this world than being young. My eldest son had a "My lady" when he was a toddler. He always looked out for and they always waved to each other or had a wee blether. Has the world really got this sad that it's unusual to have a wee friendship starting between a wee one and an older woman?

This.
The lady is probably lonely or perhaps her grandchildren live miles away.
You are being very precious about your child - she asked if she could say hello. You’ve told her (I hope kindly) that you don’t want people touching him and why.
Give the lady a break and don’t get hung up on this - your son will be absorbing your attitude to all this.

No it hasn't.

I gave an example earlier on. My little boy has a lovely relationship with our 80 something year old neighbour. She potters around the garden with him, showing him her plants and flowers. He makes cards for her at Easter and Christmas. We always wave hello when we're walking by and will have a little chat of there's time. She's a lovely lady. It's very sweet.

I wouldn't feel at all comfortable with what OP has described here. This is a relatively unknown woman who has taken a sudden interest in her child, asking lots of questions about him and asking to touch him (then ignoring the answer). They don't have a relationship outside of this and I can understand why it makes her feel uncomfortable.

Context is really important.

YANBU, OP. I think you're correct to be protective. It wouldn't occur to me to make contact with a child.

Haven't caught up with the threat, but Police??! Is OP really thinking of getting the police involved? Please don't OP. Don't break this woman. Just tell her you're teaching your child boundaries and he doesn't like being touched by strangers. Just be a firm grown up.

Yet currently 19 people have registered that they agreed with that comment of mine.

But you haven’t answered the point about why you bothered to start the thread when you already have your mind made up and just argue with people who don't give the opinion you want.

I don't think that means much to be honest, what used to be perfectly normal years ago, is not what is the norm now, so depending on the demographic you will get different answers which is what is happening here.

I think lockdown / covid has had something to do with it, parents now do seem more wary of their children being touched by others, just look at threads about limiting visits from family when babies are born, and rules around babies not being kissed/cuddled etc when years ago they would be passed around freely.. things HAVE changed, and some of it is for the better IMO. I'm an older mum who had a child in lockdown, so I see both sides, and while I would be okay with someone taking her hand if she was okay with that, I'd find it overstepping for a adult stranger to remove her sun hat to 'look at her face', or try and hug her unprompted, I think that would make my daughter feel pressured to comply, so I would be ready to step in.

There IS socially accepted rules about interaction, it's why on a first date we don't snog someone when we first meet them.. This is really no different, just because it is an older woman and a child.

The sad thing is if the woman understood boundaries, she would probably have kids running over to her to greet her once they got to know her, but because she is a stranger, overstepping what a lot of parents see as appropriate, the parents will now avoid her and the kids will never know her, but that is 100% down to her unfortunately.

TBF, what were you thinking a discussion forum was actually for?