Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

[housinghun]

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son.

It started off as "Can I say hello?".
I agreed.

Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face".
This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son.

OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past.
She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road.
It was her.
I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her.

I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son.

I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him.

I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views.
AIBU to feel this way?

AIBU

Dementia caused by social isolation????

Not that we know if she has dementia or not but it doesn't just.manifest as a bit ditzy and.forgetful. it can be unpredictable violence.

You do realise that when your child is old enough to make friends, some of them might touch him?

You're going to make him bloody terrified if you don't get a grip on this.

So tell her not to touch your son and move on.

Obviously you don't know whether she's an axe wielding pedophiliac lunatic, and she could very well be. But on face value it seems unlikely. She's probably a lonely old widow who loves kids and seeing your son is one of the highlights of her day. She may even be in the early stages of dementia. Bear in mind that until fairly recently it was perfectly normal for "little old ladies" to coo over babies and young children, and even give them a hug. Now I do understand why this is no longer accepted and it is vital to teach children about stranger danger. But it's equally important to teach them to socialise and to recognise different social cues and sympathy.

My mum was doing very similar in the earlier stages of her young dementia. She was a health visitor and loved children but had lost many inhibitions due to this awful disease.

Thankfully the parents were always kind to her as they quickly realised her intentions to their little ones were good and her actions were not harmful. It did make me nervous that some might be accusatory but thankfully not.

Obviously I've no idea if this is what's going on with this lady.

At the end of the day op everyone is presuming she's lonely etc but even if she is that's not your problem.

When I was a wee girl I had lots of old folk pals, they were like unofficial extra grandparents, but it was a different world back then, people were friendlier with their neighbours and were trusted, kids could wander freely without their parents it was even encouraged. These days I am the old folk, but I wouldn't dream of approaching a child like that, it's a shame but the world has changed so much.
I think you're right to be cautious and protective , be friendly but keep a safe distance.

My 5 yr old grandson has developed friendships with some of the elderly people in their local area and it's a really beautiful thing to see especially when it's developed from them literally just waving from their windows to him as a toddler .It's a very difficult world our there and increasing engagement and socialisation from an early age is a great thing but the physical contact thing is difficult.
Perhaps frame it as he doesn't like being touched but I'd encourage the socialisation aspect.

Goodness.
I am surprised at these comments, normally I think Mumsnet is far too paranoid about old ladies showing an interest in children and I am on the side of the friendly elderly people.

This time however, I think op is NBU because the trying to remove the cap suggests the woman has a problem with appropriate boundaries and that would make me wonder if she is all there.
And if she’s not, it’s not her fault and you can still be friendly, but it would make me want to be extra careful too.

Bloody hell, some of these responses. "Blank her, ignore her, not your problem" What happened to a bit of human empathy?
You can remind her not to touch your child but really the rest of it you are just being ridiculous.

Exactly. Also, what's the betting that the answers would be VERY different if it was an old man rather than an old woman.

I can’t get past apparently being in OP’s Old Lady parameter ( I’m 62 and this has made me laugh).

But it's not so that's irrelevant.

Agreed, but statistically, historically and logically there's an extremely good reason for that.

One day op you may be that old lady. I would be polite she sounds lonely. Also she isn’t a stranger if she is someone you pass regularly. Boundaries are one thing but I think you are being ott.

Yes the answers would be very different as men assault women and children at a higher rate compared to women.

Same. I wonder how old she is? Your title says "old lady" then you go on to say 60s early 70s.
I say this because I remember when I had my first baby and as I was pushing the pram, the lady up the road came over and put a coin in the babies hand. I presumed it was some kind of tradition. Anyway she can't have been as old as I first thought because she moved house and still writes to me 30 years later.
Imagine me posting on MN that an old lady touched my baby and put a dangerous choking risk in his hand.

Even still, a stranger approaching a child should be viewed with caution IMO. Just because more men assault kids doesn't mean no women do.

Surprised that needed to be highlighted.

I don't see how that's relevant to a person approaching the child in broad daylight. We're not talking about a daycare situation here.

Yes, she is a stranger!

Good God, really. Does it hurt to just show some kindness? People saying its not your problem if shes lonely, no it's not but surely a short chat, a smile, while maintaining the boundary of asking not to touch the baby is not too much to ask. That small interaction probably makes her day. Sure its not the OPs responsibility to make the lady happy but a little bit of kindness and understanding dosent take much.

I am 72. I will often smile and say "hello!" or wave at babies/toddlers if they look at me when out and about (you know how they can stare at people!), the parents smile and seem pleased at the tiny interaction. I would never ever try to touch them in any way, however.

Yes it would be, but it’s an old lady. Is she dirty? Is she scary? Is she malevolent?

How many strangers are going to touch your child?

You’re upset she is touching your child. She is an old lady that has most probably has not had contact with a child for a long time. Your child is not an object to be touched, agree but this old lady will cause him no harm.

I take me DGS to Tesco, and the old ladies
love to see him. No they don’t touch him but if one did I wouldn’t get upset.

Let’s not pass our anxieties onto our young children.

My daughter recently had a baby and old ladies coo over him, stroke his cheek and put money in his hand. She’s not bothered. It’s not going to harm him and it gives the old ladies a bit of happiness. It’s a sad world we live in now.