Would you tell family about inheriting a life-changing sum unexpectedly?

[EugenieGreen]

If you (your DH) had completely out of the blue, inherited a life changing amount of money, would you tell your parents or siblings?

DH and I disagree.

What has happened to the partner? Was it was family money that the cousin wanted to keep in their own family? Still odd the bil was excluded, if you’re sure he was.
Please let us all know op!! Fascinating to hear all the viewpoints.

Nope. Never.

We’ve been discreet with our dc and created trusts for them that they won’t know about until they need to. It wouldn’t be to their benefit to feel too rich (which they’re not in the greater scheme of things) at the stage of their lives where they should be studying hard, working hard, and building themselves a future. We want to give them a good chance at building good relationships too, not attracting friends and partners who just sniff money.

I think it’s wise to be a little cautious of dc’s partners in these situations but my concern is that your dh doesn’t seem to grasp the difference between being not telling people directly, and actually being discreet. If they can work it out just by looking at what you’re doing, it won’t stay a secret.

Even if you totally trust your family, I still wouldn't tell them. Money really does change relationships, it's best not to discuss it.

One of my SIL (married to DH's brother) is from a wealthy family, she may already have a trust fund and I'm sure that she'll inherit a lot. But DH and I wouldn't expect to know about it, and I don't want to tbh. It's none of our business.

He genuinely thinks that he can buy abroad without anyone knowing.

I don’t think anyone would be sufficiently interested to wonder about the will to actually apply for it.

I think cousin’s partner even if he knew the contents, would be too old school to discuss it with BiL.

I will be going part-time in September, husband doesn’t see why I would need to tell my sister this.

I’m with your DH- no one needs to know your family’s business . Why wouldn’t he be able to buy abroad without anyone knowing??

I'd agree buying a place abroad is potentially something that can be covered up. In terms of going part time, how much of an hours drop is it and do the two of you usually know what each other are doing day to day?

I totally get why he doesn’t want to tell all and sundry, but is he expecting you to lie to people about spending time abroad? I can’t see the point in buying a property in the states tbh, will you get enough use out of it to make it worthwhile?

Also, can’t you get copies of a will online? So if his DB became suspicious he could look it up anyway.

Please don't broadcast this. If your DH wants privacy, he is entitled to it. Telling family and friends will change the dynamic, and could cause all sorts of difficulties.
A friend of mine inherited quite a modest amount (tens of thousands, not hundreds), and immediately her perfectly genuine friends started mentally spending it. It's something that seems to happen. She was asked to be guarantor for someone's mortgage, for example, even though her actual income was very low. Another of her friends who was in a lot of trouble in her life had "loans" from her, which won't be paid back.
It is not really about the money itself but the way it changes relationships.
You and DH could just sit with this information for a year or two before deciding. In the meantime, discreetly help anyone in your circle who needs it.
You can buy a house or whatever you like, and no one has any right to know how you afforded it. If questions are asked, they can easily be fielded with generalities. My DB is really close about money. I have never questioned his right to keep his affairs to himself..

I hope that’s not your real name .

Your DH is being reasonable. I'd advise you to follow his lead, at least for the first year, then see how much or little you want to share and with who. I think you'll find it's a lot easier than you're anticipating to keep the nuts and bolts of your finances to yourself.

Im with your DH. I wouldn't tell anyone. I dont think it goes too well when family knows each others finances. It can open a can of worms even if you get on well.

I think you could absolutely buy a house abroad without telling anyone. If you did you could say its mortgaged, bought as an investment air b and b if you plan on renting it out and it git brought up. Or just say nothing. It might be more difficult if you all holiday together all the time but I dont know anyone who does that.

I think it would be more obvious if you both just stopped working at the same time unless you are both retirement age anyway.

Life changing for me or enough to change many lives? I wouldn't tell anyone unless I planned to give them some. And even then I'd probably withhold the total.

The question is about your intentions.
But now that money change relationships big time. Especially with family.

*know

No I wouldn’t.

I always say if people know you have money it changes how they react to you so I think if I won the lottery I'd question who I'd tell because I'd hate for it to cause issues amongst people I care about.

No no ones business but your immediate family.

No I wouldn't. If my DF were still with us of course and I would share it with him. I'd tell my DC and my best friend only. I would make sure my DC and she were secure.

But then I've never told my family how much I earn and I'm very private about most things.

No, I don't normally discuss my finances with my parents or siblings, I don't see any reason to make an exception.

You could easily buy abroad without anyone knowing.

I would keep schtum. Especially if you have adult children. You could pay for their weddings, house deposits, pay off your mortgage, amazing holidays. I think it would be fairly easy to spend money on the sly.

A two week holiday in Greece could be £1200 or it could easily be £20k - no one would ever know.

Do you know why your DH is ‘the chosen one’? I imagine the BIL will be very resentful. And the deceased's partner must be bemused surely?

NO

It has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. Just keep quiet and enjoy the windfall as your DH and you decide together how it will be spent. It's a lovely thing to happen to you both. It's up to him if he wants to tell people and when.

Why should you it’s not there business