Can cake really be offensive?

[ThisWildHedgehog]

Can cake really be offensive?

So my husband bought a really nice celebration cake over the weekend. It was large, cost £20, and was absolutely delicious, but there was too much for us to eat without some going to waste.

As we were seeing my MIL, FIL and SIL, I cut the cake in half and took it round to them in the box.

My only thought was, “It’s a lovely cake, and there’s enough to share.”

When I gave it to my MIL, I said, “We’ve brought you this cake because it’s really lovely and there’s enough to share.” She replied, “That’s fine.” I thought that was a really bizarre and ungrateful response, so I said, “Well, hopefully you’ll enjoy it.” She didn’t respond to that comment at all.

Anyway, once we got home, I said to DH that I felt a bit deflated because his mum seemed so dismissive about the cake. He said, “You shouldn’t have taken it, as it’ll be taken the wrong way.”

I asked how on earth giving someone cake could be taken badly, and he said that because they’re all a bit on the larger side, it would come across as, “Fat people like cake - here’s my leftovers.” 😳

Surely not?! They’ve known me for 10 years, and we’ve often had cake together. How could that possibly be what they thought?

Gosh, I’m praying you all think I’m not being unreasonable and that there’s no way I’ve offended anyone by giving them the cake!

YANBU, you did nothing wrong.

Why didn't your husband tell you not to take cake?

YANBU. Your in-laws have their own issues that they are projecting on to a perfectly nice, normal gesture.

I’m on the jabs and I’d still say thanks for the cake and enjoy a bit.

Ah, we drove separately so he didn’t know I was bringing it until I got there.

It was a nice thing to do, that's their problem if they take offence to someone being kind and friendly to them. YANBU

I'd be very happy to be given leftover cake, but I'm one of those fat people your husband is so scathing about... Seriously, don't overthink it. You did nothing wrong, your in-laws need to develop better social skills and your husband needs to be more supportive.

The only way it would be offensive is if you knew they were all on a weight loss regime (my MiL does this - buys reduced cake, has a sliver and them brings the rest to us when she knows I've been diagnosed with a hereditary cholesterol condition and DH is trying to lose weight via the gym).

I had a relative who had issues around food and anorexia for years. Even when well she would try to push food on me/encourage me to eat while eating very little herself. I was and am several sizes larger than she was.
It was like she wanted me to be the fat one?
This behaviour has mostly stopped now as she’s recovered.

I’m not suggesting that this was your motivation OP. Just that I know firsthand that people can have very complicated feelings around food. Your husband’s concerns ring true to me, especially as he knows them better than you do.

I don’t know. Someone bringing me their leftovers without asking if I wanted them first would annoy me. Cake would get thrown out here as we don’t eat it.

Really offensive? In very rare circumstances, but not usually because it's a lovely cake - unless someone doesn't eat (e.g.) chocolate/ eggs/ doesn't particularly like sweet things/ is going away the day after and would have to deal with it quickly.

A bit of a mismatched offer? Yes, maybe it could. Your husband probably knows his family best and may have seen something like this before where for some reason it's been a sensitive topic. I think I'd have said "I've brought you some of my birthday cake. Would you like some?" (giving option also to say no), rather than "It's too big and there are leftovers."

No known diet. They often have cake, doughnuts or pastries and always offer me some while I’m there. I genuinely thought they’d enjoy it.

I wouldn't be offended but I don't eat other people's leftovers, so it would be binned.

Oh, I'm getting flashbacks now. Would they have been a bit put out not to celebrate your birthday with you?
I made a big deal of my Mum's 70th and included family members very special to her and very good at social event hosting (but living a long way away) in a meal out in the same month. The relative was very testy all the way through it in a 'Is there no end to these celebrations?' kind of way, which came totally out of the blue given that I thought they were fine with all kinds of parties.

I'm a fat person.

I don't like cake.

You have done nothing wrong.

I understand that. I didn’t even see it as ‘leftovers’ as we’d only had two slices from the cake. I gave them a full untouched half and it wasn’t even a day old. In my eyes it was sharing a treat 😥

I didn't read it as the OP's DH being scathing.

Hehe, embarrassingly… there was no birthday or celebration. We just saw this GLORIOUS cake and decided to treat ourselves. 😅

If they’re on the large side, maybe they like to pretend that they don’t eat or enjoy such things. It’s hardly unknown, whether or not they are quite different in private!

How very dare you!!

It's not leftovers: - It is sharing something big. That is a very kind gesture.

it sounds like she saw it as her not being good enough to be invited for the actual cake at the time, then being presented with it just because there was too much.
you’ve done nothing wrong and we do things like this in our family all the time.

OMG, genuinely, I think your dh is massively overthinking this. I bet they were happy, like most people would be. I would not give this another thought. .

It's not as if the OP scraped leftovers from her plate into a box and took them round to the in-laws.

Is it a kind of cake they hate and think you should remember that maybe?

If someone brought me a half quiche for example I'd be appalled