Can cake really be offensive?

[ThisWildHedgehog]

Can cake really be offensive?

So my husband bought a really nice celebration cake over the weekend. It was large, cost £20, and was absolutely delicious, but there was too much for us to eat without some going to waste.

As we were seeing my MIL, FIL and SIL, I cut the cake in half and took it round to them in the box.

My only thought was, “It’s a lovely cake, and there’s enough to share.”

When I gave it to my MIL, I said, “We’ve brought you this cake because it’s really lovely and there’s enough to share.” She replied, “That’s fine.” I thought that was a really bizarre and ungrateful response, so I said, “Well, hopefully you’ll enjoy it.” She didn’t respond to that comment at all.

Anyway, once we got home, I said to DH that I felt a bit deflated because his mum seemed so dismissive about the cake. He said, “You shouldn’t have taken it, as it’ll be taken the wrong way.”

I asked how on earth giving someone cake could be taken badly, and he said that because they’re all a bit on the larger side, it would come across as, “Fat people like cake - here’s my leftovers.” 😳

Surely not?! They’ve known me for 10 years, and we’ve often had cake together. How could that possibly be what they thought?

Gosh, I’m praying you all think I’m not being unreasonable and that there’s no way I’ve offended anyone by giving them the cake!

Is this a joke?

I agree with another poster that they are definitely projecting their issues with their weight onto you. As I’ve done this before and I think it’s a very nice and perfectly normal gesture to make.

Why? I assume with such extreme views no-one would offer you food

Do you eat at restaurants?

They're being weird, and it's weird to look at this the way your DH is framing it. Even if they're dieting and trying to avoid temptation (in which case how would you know anyway, if they hadn't said), they should have at least thanked you for the thought, not been rude about it.

(And also, I am so trying that cake... 😄)

This is satire, right??

If not, might I just point out that your analogy automatically assumes that if they're fat they must be dieting. Not all fat people are on diets, imagine that! 😮Assuming a fat person is on a diet is far more of an 'insult' than offering them cake in my book.

🤣🤣

You seem very reluctant to say why this is. Surely you can't believe everyone's house except yours is crawling with germs (although, this being MN, I could be wrong.) Allergy issues?

Yeah I wouldn't call it crime of the century, I can see you only had good intentions but people can be funny about food generally and 'leftovers' specifically. My MIL for one, she has this real issue (and unfortunately she's infected her kids I.e. my DH and his siblings with the same attitude) that it's wrong/bad, almost repulsive/unhygienic to eat even properly stored and perfectly good food the next day after it's been cooked/opened

But that's their (very odd) issue and it isn't an excuse to be rude about it. They could have either said 'thank you, that's very kind, we'll enjoy that'.

Or they could have politely said they're unable to accept it because they have weird and irrational food issues.

I’d be absolutely chuffed if someone I knew well brought me half a cake! All this business about not eating leftovers is totally baffling to me. It’s not like it’s half a steak scraped off someone’s plate… it’s cake!!

you did nothing wrong OP. They were being strange!

A few years ago I put on weight to be a size 16-18 and all my family are all very slim.

I do remember being a bit offended that there was left over cake that they didn’t want to throw away and they all agreed that I would polish it off.

I think if you’re already sensitive to people thinking you’re greedy then you can take things the wrong way.

I don’t think you did anything wrong and they’re being over sensitive.

What! I love leftovers. Nothing makes me happier than a decent doggy bag.

If you’re so insecure about being fat you can’t take a slice of cake from someone without feeling offended they’re calling you fat, you have massive issues and need to sort your weight out.

@SerendipityCat: I'm one of those fat people your husband is so scathing about...

Men really cannot do anything right on here can they? OP's DH was not being scathing. He was explaining to his wife how his mother would interpret her well-intentioned act. Alternatively he could have lied but then he would be criticised for that too.

They may well health issues (eg pre diabetes) they are too ashamed to publicise but mean they should be avoiding cake. Which is very difficult when you are a cake kind of person. They may have told your husband in confidence and he's trying to discourage you from doing it again but without betraying their secret.

So I'd take the hint and not offer them sweet stuff again or always offer a fruit or savoury alternative

If someone offered you a slice of a cake they had already cut, would it really be leftovers? I’d be delighted if someone brought a delicious half a cake to me. Obviously, only someone you knew and trusted, such as family.

In restaurants, bakeries and cafes, if you buy by the slice, there are cakes and pies with pieces missing which have already sold to others. I never thought that if I buy a piece of a cake that has already been cut, that I am then buying the leftovers in the bakery/cafe.

If they cooked too much stew/curry, I similarly wouldn’t have an issue with them popping it into a receptacle for me to put in the freezer.

I’ll soon be visiting a family member who has had a baby, and I am thinking of bringing some home cooked stews/curries for the freezer to make things a little easier for a couple of days. I hope it won’t be regarded as an insult.

Op, if I was related to you, I’d let you treat me as much as you want. And, I’d probably adore all the more for your generosity.

edit for spelling.

There are such precious behaviours on here. I don’t know how these ‘non-leftovers’ people cope with normal life. They are probably the same ones who have to wash their towels after every single use.

I'd maybe take the fact she didn't tell you to take the cake away with you as a win...😀
You can't please all the people all of the time....

Or a dog-eat-dog bag.

I'm not sure your MIL should've been that grateful for left over cake, even if it was a very nice one. But your husband's comments were weird, given that your MIL appears not to be obsessed with her weight and up to now has happily chomped into cakes and pastries. Maybe she's shared her weight anxiety with him without your knowledge. But if that was the case then why didn't he just phrase it to you kindly so that you know for future.

I have a friend who randomly appears with a salad or casserole because herself and husband heading away for a night and it'll gor off otherwise. If we aren't there it gets left on the doorstep..

Her husband is an unbelievable cook and we love it.

We would return the favour but he's so fussy he never lets anyone bring anything. We instead check what wine he is currently buying from the local wine shop and spring that on him instead.

I have a friend who randomly appears with a salad or casserole because herself and husband heading away for a night and it'll gor off otherwise. If we aren't there it gets left on the doorstep..
Her husband is an unbelievable cook and we love it.

Thats so lovely and I am jealous, none of my friends (including myself) are particularly great at cooking 😆

I mean the cake itself could be offensive if it was terrible, but it was delicious so not unreasonable at all. I always give my in-laws half the cake!

The red velvet cake in the same range is also absolutely glorious. I bought it for a birthday cake and yes, some sent to family members wrapped in a serviette and was gratefully received. Your in-laws are weird.

I’d still eat a cake with a rude slogan on it 😅

I don’t think you are wrong BUT he would know his parents better and people can be odd