Is it too late for a third baby?

[Yolo12345]

I’m fit and healthy and have two children - 9 and 7…but I really feel I would like one more child. The thing is I’m 47…. I still have periods…and have lots of energy…, so AIBU?

@Threelittlebirds1 I do get where you are coming from. I thought I'd done with two and had them relatively early (26 and 29) and so thought I'd still be youngish when they were both adults so would have more "me" time on the other side of it.
However, I left my marriage (no regrets) and met my second husband in my late 30s. He was early 40s and had no bio children but had come to terms with that. However, over time I realise what an exceptional bio dad he would make and of course we had lots of child-free time which was never really my plan 😔 So together we had our little girl.
It definitely gets easier when the older ones are nearer to adults - hang on in there ❤️

You don't know what people are saying behind your back though. A man aged 50, who lives near me got divorced in 2023 after 18 years of marriage (he had 1 son who was born when he and his wife had been married 2 years.)

He married a woman 15 years younger than him last summer, and they had a son 2 months ago. She was 35, and he was 50. Lots of people are side-eyeing him and talking behind his back, and think he's bonkers having a baby at 50 (when his son from his first marriage is almost an adult.)

So I doubt very much that no-one 'bats an eyelid' at your DH having 2 babies, when he was almost 50.

I wouldnt take the risk of pregnancy complications or a child that could be unwell.

@PrettyLittleRose Does it matter what other people think? People probably thought I was bonkers having a baby with my second husband when my children from my first marriage were 11 and 13.
I couldn't care less - it was the right decision for us. I am so pleased he got to become the biological dad he never thought he would be. He wasn't 50 though - he was 44 when she was born.

YABU. There are increased risks for the child.

@Cheeseandolivesplease Did I say it mattered what people say? I'm just pointing out to that poster that just because she thinks people won't bat an eyelid at someone having a baby at 50, that doesn't mean they aren't judging behind someone's back.

No need to take it so personally. Also, you say your husband was 44 when he became a father ... Well that isn't 50 is it?! So I'm not sure what the point of your post was!

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It’s not just the risk of foetal abnormalities, it’s the risk of maternal ill-health / complications to you of having a baby at 47/48z

You wouldn’t want to gamble with your existing children’s mother’s health. You are the only mum they’ll get - don’t risk that for a belated final roll of the dice for a currently non-existant 3rd child.

I am not someone who has a huge social circle but I personally have three friends who had babies at 44 or 45 - all conceived naturally without IVF. They are now between 56 and 60 and have DS of 12 to 15. They are all in perfect health, fit, working full time and they all look very young for their age

I had a surprise fourth child at 49, it was a big shock but went well (apart from gestational diabetes which I think is a family thing and went once I gave birth). I did have good support - supportive husband, energetic in-laws nearby and other children helped. I'm now 58 with an 8 year old who brings alot of joy, once I got on HRT my energy levels went back up and feel ok now although had a few years of feeling tired.

@PrettyLittleRose If you'd have read ny post a little more carefully you would understand I was referring to people probably thinking I was mad for having a new baby when my other children were 11 and 13.
Couldn't care less what people might think.
And if they say it behind my back, then why not be brave ebough to say it to my face?

Can't help feeling that they wouldn't need to work full time at nearly 60 if they hadn't had a baby at 44-45. Probably need to do so, to support having children at this age.

I had my 2 in my late 20s, and have been part time since the age of 30. (Now in my early-mid 50s, and will probably will retire at 60.) Having kids in my mid 40s and then still working FULL TIME at 60, is definitely not something I would ever have wanted to do, nor is it something to be envied IMO.

And you don't know for sure if they had IVF or not. Many people don't share this with everyone!

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That’s pretty lucky. But in any case, OP is already 47 and still deciding either way, so realistically it’s likely too late for her

For one of my friends, the DS she had at 44 was the last child of 4 so I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have had IVF to have a 4th child when she had 3 DC under 10. The other two friends I’ve been very close to since school and I think I’d definitely know.

@PrettyLittleRose Life doesn't always work out like that though does it? And not everybody wants two children before the age of 30. I had my first two at 26 and 29 and in retrospect, I'd have been best to live a bit of life first. I had my last at 39 and I was much better placed to be a present parent. I don't work full-time and have no intention of ever doing so.

Yes! That's what I did but for other more practical reasons. There is something very special about being around the young if you are the type of person who gets it. Its so rewarding and fun. Also many women retrain in 30s and 40s. I had a trainee this year who is about 50. I trained mid 30s but didn't start work til 41.

Hi I had my 5th baby at 40, a friend had her 5th at 47 and another friend had her 2nd at 48. All totally unexpected not planned at all.
Totally anecdotal so I’m sure others will have maybe negative experiences.
All three of us have had very positive outcomes for our much loved daughters.
one is a lawyer, one a teacher and the other just starting out on her adult life.
All three of us were shocked at first, had the usual concerns but I have nothing negative to report at all.
I am 70 now and my DD and I are great friends. She enjoys spending time with us and I would say she is disappointed if she can’t make a social occasion we invite her to😂
my friends feel the same, the addition of an unexpected baby has been a pleasure for the whole family.

Can you afford it is the question.

Also, future. Solo mum with 3 kids?

I have 1. Hard enough.

Totally normal to feel this way. I still feel I missed out not having a third (DH didn’t want another) and I’m a bit older than you. At 47 it would likely not happen naturally anyway.

You had the two you have fairly late as it is. I would say no, don’t do it. You may have loads of energy now but do you really want to be dealing with a young teen at 60? Is it even fair? Lots of people are fit and active in their 40s but health problems start to creep in in their 50s. I’m not saying it’s certain this will happen but why risk it.

just enjoy the kids you have. After all, you had them fairly late as it is.

The thing is and I probably should have said this. My ex Partner has been very difficult and not working for years so I have been driven to despair by it all. I finally found the courage to leave and end it and some time afterwards things rekindled with my ex, who is such a lovely man and who has always loved me and cared about me. He is so good to me and he hasn’t had any children. We are the same age. Part of me want to give him a child and also to have a child with someone who actually cherishes me. I know it would be madness but then perhaps it would be the best thing to happen to me and a real joy.

People do it, some later than this. I always think of David and Victoria Coren Mitchell tbh, they had a baby recently in their 50s. I don’t know why anyone would want to do this. For me your 60s in particular should represent a gradual shift towards relaxation and a calmer pace of life, not ferrying a hormonal teenager around and dealing with tantrums.

NO!!! You are not married and if you split (again - he is your ex) you will be left holding the baby with nothing but whatever CMS can squeeze out of him. Don't do it!

Oh yes, well that’s not a stable position is it? You got back together recently, unmarried, could easily split again then you’d be a single mum again with a young child in your 50s.

I have kids the same age but am 43. It’s come into my mind a bit lately how nice it would be to have one more and how much my kids would love a younger sibling. But DH has had a vasectomy and is certain he doesn’t want any more so it’s a moot point really, and deep down I know it would be a bad idea and we’re realistically too old (he’s 45). But I understand how you feel.

The change of partner would make it more of a "no" for me, not less. That is so much for your kids to deal with.