Is it too late for a third baby?

[Yolo12345]

I’m fit and healthy and have two children - 9 and 7…but I really feel I would like one more child. The thing is I’m 47…. I still have periods…and have lots of energy…, so AIBU?

YABU I think. Notwithstanding your age (which I think is up to how you feel and whether it's physically possible), unless you get pregnant immediately (which isn't likely, and having Googled the stats are going 44% over 40 get pregnant within a year) then your existing children are going to be 8 and 10, or 9 and 11, etc, when you have a newborn. That kind of age gap and there being only one baby means they'll grow up a bit like an only child - completely out of sync life stage wise, and with adult siblings before they're even in high school. It's a very different sibling experience and has the potential to be a bit lonely, plus you're then facing very different life challenges at the same time which I personally couldn't be bothered with - two in uni and one in their early teens sounds horrendous, for example! As does one doing SATS and a newborn (as well as the impact on the existing children with a new baby in their life).

My great aunt had her surprise baby at 48. It does happen, rarely but it does. She wasn't handed a baby either, she was actually pregnant. She thought it was the menopause.

About 1%. And then around 70% will miscarry.

It's about 1%. The difference between 40 and 47 is absolutely massive for the chance of conception.

Someone has to be that 1%, and then 30% of that! Which studies showed this? Because I should imagine it’s hard to measure as most women aren’t trying to conceive at that age.

Well nobody can tell you if it's too late for you, only you can make that choice.
It would personally be too late for me and I had my children at 39 and 42 so certainly not young myself. Have been zero negatives, healthy happy children, but if I were you I would just be happy and enjoy the children you have x

I was 39 when I had my youngest and my other half 10 years older. Circumstance meant we had children later but 20 years later I dislike the fact I am an slightly older Mum and he is a much older Dad- our children have alot of friends who have Grandparents my husbands age. We are fit and healthy but the reality is we wont be around for our children as long as their friends parents will be no matter how healthy we are!

Sure and I mean this with no judgement but babies doesn't automatically equal bottles so for a lot of people this wouldn't be an issue....

I'm 42 and I currently have a 3 week old strapped to my chest. He was a surprise, having been told 8 years ago that I would definitely never be able to conceive naturally. I also have a 13 year old DS from a round of IUI.
I have been having secret thoughts about trying to have another, wondering if suddenly I'm having some last flush of fertility (or my only flush of fertility - this is my only natural conception in 20 years of trying).
But I know it's the hormones talking and I need to let it pass. I'm a 'young' 42 and probably look about 10 years younger; I don't smoke or drink, I don't eat processed foods, I strength train 4 times a week...and yet my uterus and any remaining eggs there might be in my poor withered ovaries are still 42 years old. There are some things you just can't outrun.

You sure you mean this with no judgment? What with the tailing off into ellipses...........

Biologically it’s probably too late as even if you got pregnant the risk of miscarriage is a lot higher. But if you’re prepared for that and want to try then 🤷‍♀️ My husband was 47 and 49 when our kids were born (I’m younger) and no one bats an eyelid about that.

@SP2024 But how old were you? I'm 45 with a just-turned 6 yo (as well as two much older - 16 and 18) and absolutely no regrets but...perimenopause with a young child is not easy!

Im 37 and wanting another. If you think you'll be able to handle running around after them and all the late nights. Go for it. When your heart wants a baby its all you see. Which just makes things harder when it dosent happen

I had my third at 42. I felt really well and healthy at the time. I had frozen embryos from when I was 36 so wasn't too worried about birth defects. Having a third triggered anaemia, nightmare periods and andenomyosis. I am now 47 and much more tired than I thought I would be. I thought I was pushing it age wise. My other 2 were 3 and 5 when no.3 was born. I don't think a 10 and 12 year old would welcome a baby when you will need to do completely different stuff from what they want to do, for nearly all of their teenage years. I personally wouldn't.

I felt the same but I am now sixty and I am so glad I didn’t have another baby at 47.

The feeling will pass.

Yup positive. Just a point that everyone experience is different including how people react to seemingly offensive punctuation. 😂

I am curious as to this? Does it fully pass? I sometimes regret not having a third & I’ve decided its too late now. Are there never times like family met ups etc when you’d like to have another person there?

Only in terms of I wish I had started earlier and had three. I am definitely glad I am not dealing with a 12 year old about to go through the teenage years.

I’m 40 and single and if I am in good health and meet a great man who I have known long enough to try for baby two at 47 I would definitely not be on any contraception, I’m not sure if I’d have the energy for ivf etc by then.

I’d feel quite sad for your existing kids if you did have another baby, they need your time and energy into their teen years and they won’t get this with a much younger sibling. Plus you’d be 70 by the time they were 20, sorry but that seems mad to me. Plus much high risk of pregnancy issues, a baby with additional needs etc

Still having periods means zilch sorry. You might be having periods but your eggs are likely to be so poor quality that you won’t get pregnant. It will prob result in miscarriages etc if you do . I woudn't bother personally .

I had my third when mine were 9 and 7 and it is definitely not something I recommend! Although I only know that with hindsight. I completely understand what it is like to desperately want another baby and I think it's quite difficult when asking for advice about it because it seems the majority can't relate to that, so even if you were 10 years younger you would likely still be told it's a bad idea. I remember when I was deciding whether to have a third and my friends all thought I was mad to go back to the baby phase once we were so far away from that. Honestly, they were right. Having 3 makes everything so much harder, especially with a big age gap. We could have been having all sorts of adventures now, and day to day life would be so much easier if I stopped at 2. I really didn't expect to feel this way as I had considered all of this, but the reality is very different. I am also very conscious of my age with my youngest and I was 10 years younger that you when I had my third.

@Threelittlebirds1 Mine are 18, 16 and 6 and I feel very differently but...I only have my eldest two part-time so that makes a difference I would imagine. Had my first at 26 and my last at 39. Older ones with first husband and little one with my now husband. Do you have a supportive partner? Makes a huge difference for sure.

@Cheeseandolivespleaseyes my husband is great, very hands on and so I do feel well supported. I just miss my freedom! I really didn't think I would as before I had my third I don't think I fully appreciated that freedom as I was just obsessing about having another baby. I don't think it was just hormones as I started feeling that way in my early 30s (had my first 2 at 27 and 29). I suppose when my older ones were 9 and 7 my life still totally revolved around them, so although it was a big gap it didn't totally change things. Now they are nearly 11 and 9 I can see how I really could have started doing more for myself, as well as thinking about the future and the benefits of having them fairly young. It's still early days, so very much in the thick of it with a toddler. I hope my feelings change over time because it's awful feeling like this. I adore my third, we all do, and I know I would have regretted it if I didn't have her, but if I knew then what I know now then I really don't think I would have had a third. I'm hoping once my older 2 get older I will feel grateful to still have a little one, and not feel resentment for my choices.

If you didn't have two already who are still quite young in the scheme of things (you must have been 40 when you had your younger child?) I'd say go for it.

But I honestly feel as though the risk of you getting focused on trying, miscarrying, having a difficult pregnancy, suddenly hitting peri exhaustion, as well as any potential risks to the health of the baby (I am less a believer that with age this suddenly becomes the enormous likelihood other MNers like to warn of, but every baby comes with health risks, and they won't be lower) is all such that you may come out of whatever happens and realise that your other two have suddenly moved through some lovely years while you were in a haze of hormones or miscarriage grief, or nappies and sleepless nights.

I think you are fortunate to have had a baby at 40 and be feeling full of zest and energy at 47 to enjoy what are some really lovely years between now and their teens. Wouldn't travelling as a family or having other adventures with them, now they are mobile and before they have loads of exams (and moods) be nicer than pureeing apples and sterilising bottles?