AIBU to find my husband's early-morning visit to our friend fishy?

[Weejayy]

My husband and I have a lovely female mutual friend, who we will call Cathy.

My husband (31m) left her some overnight oats on her windowsill after finding out she’d been through a bad break up. Sweet thing to do. He didn’t tell me about it but she did later and I was like oh, ok, maybe it just slipped his mind.

Then yesterday morning I wake up at 6am and my husband isn’t anywhere in the house. I get on with my day and assume he’s just on a run. At 9am I start getting worried that he’s not back so I give him a call. No answer. So I check find my friends and discover he’s at Cathy’s address.

Cathy and him have a running group together so I sort of assume the group have all gone running together and are having brunch.

I give him another call to let him know I’m taking the car and when I’m likely to be back from meeting friends. I ask him about his morning and what he’s been doing, sort of expecting he’d say he’d had a good run with the group.

He says he’s been getting on with his day. I say oh, ok, where did you go? (I was slightly bummed he hadn’t sent a courtesy text that he’d be out). He answers with the name of our nearest city. I said oh ok, who are you with? (Still thinking I’d get news from our friends but now feeling a bit weird that he isn’t really giving a straight answer)
he says he’s on his own. (at this point I’m plain suspicious) so I ask him, so where in [name of our city] are you? He says oh, you know, around [name of city] I go yes but where? He replies with the name of a side road I wouldn’t recognise. And I say who were you with this morning? (At this point I think he’s clocked I know) so he says ‘Cathy’ and I say ‘you were at her house?’ He sounds a bit panicked and says ‘I just left my phone there while we were out running.’
at which point I go ‘ok, I think that’s all I need to know.’

technnically, none of this is lying and they may well have just gone on a run together and the rest of group didn’t show up. But am I being unreasonable for finding the cover up to this whole thing a bit fishy? Like why didn’t he just tell me straight?

Obviously he's having an affair with Cathy.
He said he was in the city alone. Then when you told him you knew where he was he said he was running with Cathy. That's not the same story. Yes he did lie to you.

You can change it just click on YANBU.

You can't generalise. I can assure you my former Nigella look alike neighbour in her 60s attracted more than her fair share of young men. At a mixed age neighbour's Christmas gathering she was chatting to me & a few other women about the fact she couldn't get pregnant at her stage of life was a huge attraction for many young men if they were looking for no strings sex. I admit I was speechless 😂

So did u speak to him when he got home?

What in the world?

On a windowsill too ?

Perhaps they were wild oats.

If Cathy is a friend of yours, could you go for coffee and say something along the lines of I do hope DH is not making a nuisance of himself, men are so predictable when they spot a vulnerable woman....

If my husband left overnight oats out for another woman I would think that highly strange! That's before the rest of it. How weird

If he's often at Cathy's in the always mornings, why would he leave the oats on the windowsill?

My guess is either Cathy thinks he's making a fool/nuisance of himself and hopes you'll make it stop, or she's hoping you finding out will bring things to a head.

He’s sleeping with her she’s ditched her partner and it sounds like your going to be next I’m sorry I would be around her house asking wtf is going on and I’d demand to see there messages

It’s more than likely been going on long before that

Sorry but this all sounds a bit off to me him sneaking out early morning and being unreachable sorry OP but it doesn’t sound good

Overnight oats on a windowsill ? I am imagining the type - ohhh so sensitive, identifies as a feminist, knight in shining armour. The sort of bloke who thinks you'd never suspect him because he's just so damned decent.
Would not trust him as far as I could throw him. I am a lot older than you an I'm afraid I don't think it's a 'sweet thing to do" as you said in your OP - it just has plausible deniability.
I don't know about her part in this, but he's not thinking about your feelings at all here, and he's the one who's meant to put you first.

Sorry but his sneaky behaviour does sound like he is cheating . No other reason for him the lie and not be straight about where he had been and who with.

Sorry but he is behaving inappropriately with this woman. Leaving little pots of oats for her, who is she Goldilocks? Leaving his phone at her house while he goes running? No mate, he is behaving furtively and surely if he is honest and has nothing to hide there would be no need for this. Do you know why she broke up with her boyfriend? I would do a little drive past that running group and see if they are both there.

I'm not going to jump straight to they're having an affair but I do think he likes her more than just a friend.

Yes. Maybe Cathy is taunting her, or wants her to find out. I've seen that happen more than once.

The biggest cheats I know are lovely. And romantic. And still cheats.

He's after her one way or another.

Sorry op, I think he's left a different kind of overnight oat at Cathy's.

There may or may not be an affair and she may not be interested at all but he's probably up for it. I don't know of any man who would drop off overnight oats in the morning for a male friend going through a breakup, but maybe I just associate with troglodytes.

100% affair, I’m very sorry to say. X

Wild oats 😁

He is riding her or wants to be. I’m sorry it’s clear he is up to no good.

Are you sure he was actually inside Cathy's house and not sat outside stalking her? The leaving oats on her windowsill is weird. Why not just knock and give them to her.