India – loved it, but I came back feeling so violated.

[LondonLass40]

Just back from the Golden Triangle with my husband (43) and 12yr daughter. Stunning forts, incredible food ( lucky no Delhi belly 😀) amazing history is genuinely breathtaking.

But I’m struggling to process the darker side.

One afternoon in Delhi, my husband stayed at the hotel. I took my daughter to a busy market near cannaught place in broad daylight, crowded. A man walked past and grabbed my breast. Right in front of my daughter. He just kept walking. I froze. My poor girl kept asking why he touched Mummy.

Then there was the constant selfie nonsense when my husband was there and men lining up, putting their arms around me, getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

And the worst part was at the Red Fort queue. This guy kept pushing into me from behind – clearly not an accident. I turned around and shouted at him. He didn't run, didn't even look embarrassed , he just walked away ignoring me like I was invisible. I spoke to a security guard who just pretend to do something and did absolutely nothing.

I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable.

I don't know – does this only happen to Western women? I'm sure men like this do the same to Indian women too. How on earth do they deal with this every single day? I honestly don't think I'd go back.

I'm reluctant to come on to threads like these that judge a whole country. But I have to take issue with your rather smug post.

I'm an avid traveler. I travel solo usually, and backpack, using local public transport. I've been to India on two occasions, the last time in my late 50s. I dressed conservatively, like you did, and in some places I felt very comfortable (Darjeeling and Sikkim for instance) but my experience in Kolkata has put me off ever returning to the country.

In the past I'd have read posts on this thread and questioned them or questioned the posters' behaviour. But I now know that in some parts of India/some areas of cities one is very much at risk from physicality from locals, both sexual and for money. And dressing modestly and in keeping with local expectations is no preventative. Nor, clearly, is age.

I've travelled to many 'difficult' countries alone and with confidence. India is the only country that I've decided not to return to, even though it's fantastic and some areas are not an issue. Last time I left it exhausted and angry, and I can't seem to get rid of that feeling.

I absolutely hated Indica for this and other reasons. I've no idea why people love it. Not a place for a holiday. Unless you like being groped and scammed..

I’m pretty sure India has one of the worst records for rape and sexual violence in the world. It’s naive to go to places where the culture is so different and assume we would be safe

There are women compartments in Mumbai local trains and Delhi metros.

I travelled to India with a friend and paid extra for a trip which had a male tour guide with us the entire time. It seemed to do the trick in keeping most of the men at the tourist places at bay. I wouldn’t be comfortable travelling in India alone at all, and the few times
we went out of our hotels for walks without a guide the male entitlement we met was off the charts, it was a constant barrage of haranguing.

It is a shame as the OP is right that the history and beauty of the country itself are amazing.

No your not being unreasonable OP, and India is on a list of countries I would never ever visit

Went to India 30 years ago...same thing happened to me and never wanted to go back and I have since lived and worked in different cultures all over the world.
Only time it happened again...very tight NY crowd trying to get to train at Waterloo in London a couple of years ago. Lots of young Indian men, I could tell that they were not British born (somebody will probably flame me for this comment). They were doing it to the girls in the crowd and pushing themselves against them taking advantage of it being so tight. The girls looked mortified. I called them out on it and they just pleaded ignorance and grinned.
Nothing has changed in their mentality in 30 years.

My daughter's school are in the process of organising a World Challenge trip to India and I'm really not keen on her going. We are avid travellers but India is somewhere I've never wanted to go for these reasons. I'm really torn because I want her to have this experience but just wish they'd picked somewhere different.

You can’t put Spain in the same basket. I don’t think local men harass women in streets. There are a lot of immigrants from Pakistan, Morocco in Barcelona, selling beer in streets.

I saw a woman had to pepepr spray a migrant man when he refused to stop following her.

I'm sorry you experienced that. I have only been to Agadir twice. My god, the people are more amazing than us Scots. We went from the biggest souk to rural parts. People (mainly men) cannot do enough to help you. Locals on the beaches, smiling and being friendly.
My dd loves Agadir and her people, so wants to learn Arabic (not French 😂) so she can move there, eventually 😂

Just re -read your post & saw the bit about you posing for photos with strangers / men lining up & putting their arms around you - while your husband just looked awkward.
Was your 12 year old daughter there with you at this time?
Good grief. Please sit down with your daughter & talk about safety & women.
What an example to set to her. 😱
You were basically allowing yourself to be an object.
And your husband was allowing it too.
Your poor daughter .

Oh god... don't let her go, please.

She can have many wonderful experiences elsewhere. Not going to a country where her rape would be seen as acceptable will not hinder her in the slightest.

I got seriously sexually assaulted in Spain as a grown adult, sober, early evening by someone from another part of Britain who was definitely white British. Rather not say where from, just another part of the UK.

And please check in on your daughter that she wasn’t groped / assulted too.
she may not know what is acceptable or not - because of you & your husband’s reactions / behaviour.

I have been to India 5 times between rhe ages of 20-41 (and would love to go back). I had an amazing time each trip - travelling all over the country.

Why didn't your husband tell the men to leave you alone?

These savage men now have pictures of you on their phones.

Ludicrous.

Why on earth does she sound 'shockingly naive for a 12 year old'?

I wouldn't entertain the idea of my daughter asking to visit India.

Experiences can be had in safer countries.

Completely agree. My own dd would not be going, no matter how many of her friends were. A trip to India has far far more risks than 'positive experiences'.

I would also use to opportunity to explain why countries like India are so unsafe for women and girls.

This need to explore parts of the world that pose such threats, needs to be frowned upon now. I have not encouraged the wanderlust I had, with my own dds. Whether things have changed for the worse or not, we are much more aware now than we were 20 plus years ago.

I fail to understand why India is romanticised, especially with the overwhelmingly high number of accounts of women being abused on their 'holiday'.

Wow. Sorry this happened to you OP. I’ve always wanted to visit but this thread and all the other accounts, has def made me think twice, even to go with my husband. I’ve experienced some of this is N.Africa but not to this extent. Thanks for sharing your experience.

You think it is normal for a child to see her mother groped? She might not have questions about it? Weird world you live in.

Think about it. If people just crowd around you doing this to you, how do you actually stop them? It's not "posing," she never said that, but you are very brave and competent in the abstract, aren't you? If you say no and they won't stop, and there's way more of them than of you, what do you do? OP's husband doesn't sound like he was much use but he may have been nervous or is not that assertive, not every man is.