India – loved it, but I came back feeling so violated.

[LondonLass40]

Just back from the Golden Triangle with my husband (43) and 12yr daughter. Stunning forts, incredible food ( lucky no Delhi belly 😀) amazing history is genuinely breathtaking.

But I’m struggling to process the darker side.

One afternoon in Delhi, my husband stayed at the hotel. I took my daughter to a busy market near cannaught place in broad daylight, crowded. A man walked past and grabbed my breast. Right in front of my daughter. He just kept walking. I froze. My poor girl kept asking why he touched Mummy.

Then there was the constant selfie nonsense when my husband was there and men lining up, putting their arms around me, getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

And the worst part was at the Red Fort queue. This guy kept pushing into me from behind – clearly not an accident. I turned around and shouted at him. He didn't run, didn't even look embarrassed , he just walked away ignoring me like I was invisible. I spoke to a security guard who just pretend to do something and did absolutely nothing.

I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable.

I don't know – does this only happen to Western women? I'm sure men like this do the same to Indian women too. How on earth do they deal with this every single day? I honestly don't think I'd go back.

Not assault but many years ago I was travelling with DH (boyfriend then), and still had my passport name with “Mrs” and ex-husband’s name. I faced such an interrogation through passport control at Delhi. Was quite unnerving and I was separated from DH and I really didn’t think they would let me fly. When I was allowed out the room, one of the officers called me a slut.

I travelled independently in West Africa a lot in my early 20s, including Lagos, and never had a problem except being pick pocketed once. In Nigeria all I had to do if I was getting undue attention from a bloke (and I dont mean sexual assault, I mean pestering for a photo or whatnot) was to raise my voice slightly and about 10 women would descend upon him like the wrath of God. Nigerian women defend one another.

It’s a completely different culture. You really needed to do some more homework before going to India. I completely agree it’s not acceptable behaviour but it’s down to each of us to research before we visit other countries and not put ourselves at risk. I have been to India and on this trip too, and absolutely loved it, it changed my life. But I would never travel alone there with my 12yr old daughter. Women are not respected in many countries. Even in the uk

This was true in the past when migration was more controlled.

Given the lax system today I wouldn't be surprised if the 'bad' mens numbers were rising rapidly.

That's awful. It's scary to think that in this day and age men still think that way, but the sad truth is, worldwide, there are probably more men who think like that, than those who don't. I fear for our daughters.

Same. I have no desire to visit the place. Zero desire.
There's no point putting yourself in harm's way.

Of course you are not unreasonable for feeling violated!!

But there is a naivety to your post that annoys me.
I mean did you really expect it to be like London?

Like the rest of the world exists to provide you with material for instagram?
That they'll conform to the worldview you want?

No! Other countries have very different cultures to The UK and that involves terrible, objectively shit treatment of women.
We moan here about a wolf whistle.

You really, really have to be humble in the sense that you take care and listen to good advice from those in the know about places that are exotic to a British person.

Absolutely agree because the money you spend in these countries aren't taking people out of poverty,aren't stopping young daughters being sold into slavery and to satisfy sick mens needs,they are going to the government or their pals this doesn't apply just to India but to many other countries in that region.

For a country though that's supposed be a democracy and have a huge economy how they help do you make people live like that and also treat women and girls so badly.

I agree with you I wouldn't have gone and always boycott countries that have such poor human rights abuses.

It's why I don't go to the Middle East, India, Sri Lanka etc

They aren't safe places for women, the men are worse than animals and the police accept it as normal behaviour. They couldn't care less.

We had two weeks in the Maldives that were good because we were on a resort island. But otherwise, I couldn't cope with the groping. Just vile.

There are lots of other lovely places to go in the world OP. At least your dd now knows where to avoid.

This basically. It’s not advisable to wander around alone in most parts of India as a woman. I doubt he would have assaulted you had you been accompanied by a man. It’s extremely sad and wrong of course but there you go. Beautiful part of the world but I wouldn’t want to visit for this reason.

DH's parents have travelled all over the world but they have deliberately avoided Africa and India and the Middle East for a reason.

Me neither. It’s just not worth the risk.

For the victim blamers implying you shouldn’t walk around unaccompanied my incident happened while I was in my own hotel room.

Where was the dh in all this? He sounds a bit like your average wet blanket UK male who didn't think to do a damned bit of research before going.

'India, sounds nice. Yes dear.'

Barcelona is in Spain ie is a Christian country

I'm glad nothing bad happened to you. But south Africa is a horrible horrible place for rape. Men openly brag about it and admit to it on surveys. The rates sicken me.

Those countries probably make up more than half the world - so they didn’t quite travel all over the world

Not all men, but always a man

I live in London, and travelled in India in the 90s. Completely incomparable in terms of how men behave. The shift was noticeable even crossing the border from Nepal to India, I had no issues in Nepal despite being a blonde woman travelling alone. I won’t bother listing all the issues I had in India from men but they were multiple, and serious. It’s not somewhere I want to go back to again, though in many ways found it an incredible country.

Op is lucky nothing similar happened to her daughter. What a risk. And she sounds shockingly naive for a 12 year old. Unless she has additional needs she needs to wise up a little

India.

A destination I have no desire to visit as a blonde woman.

No thank you.

I am from India and what op wears has nothing to do with her experience. Men in India are so desperate, they have no shame. I experienced so much of sexual harassment growing up, it’s a common experience for almost all girls/ women there.

I assume the reason is ignorance if theyre equating the entire continent of Africa with India and the Middle East.

Awful. The first sexual ‘experience’ I ever had was on holiday in…. Italy. I was 13
A safe, family-style resort.
I was very young for my age, with my parents. It happened twice - he was about 19 - and I never told anyone.
Before we went a friend warned my mum not to take me to Italy.
We had been to France when I was 11 and I looked about 9 I was like a string bean. And while nobody came near me because of my dad there were men older than my dad leering at me.
At 16, in Spain, a man in our family hotel started following me everywhere and pushing notes under our door. My dad did see them so that got sorted.
And finally I was sexually assaulted as an adult of nearly 30 in Spain. I was sober and confident, it was early evening and someone tried to mug me. A guy appeared from nowhere and fought the mugger off. I’d seen him out and about near to our apartment, always polite. He took me for to a nearby cafe and got me some tea. Asked if I wanted to call the police. I was very shaken but said no I was going home that night. You can guess the rest.
So I understand that certain countries are very, very dangerous for women.
But all of my bad experiences have been on mainland Europe in well known tourist areas.
i was wearing a t shirt from my favourite band at 13 and it was my prized possession and the lad ripped it off my neck. I can remember sewing it with my mum’s sewing kit and crying.
I was just a reasonably pretty working class unremarkable girl. Nothing to write home about.

Well yes, we're talking about sexual assault. Are you offering that as some kind of profound insight?