India – loved it, but I came back feeling so violated.

[LondonLass40]

Just back from the Golden Triangle with my husband (43) and 12yr daughter. Stunning forts, incredible food ( lucky no Delhi belly 😀) amazing history is genuinely breathtaking.

But I’m struggling to process the darker side.

One afternoon in Delhi, my husband stayed at the hotel. I took my daughter to a busy market near cannaught place in broad daylight, crowded. A man walked past and grabbed my breast. Right in front of my daughter. He just kept walking. I froze. My poor girl kept asking why he touched Mummy.

Then there was the constant selfie nonsense when my husband was there and men lining up, putting their arms around me, getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

And the worst part was at the Red Fort queue. This guy kept pushing into me from behind – clearly not an accident. I turned around and shouted at him. He didn't run, didn't even look embarrassed , he just walked away ignoring me like I was invisible. I spoke to a security guard who just pretend to do something and did absolutely nothing.

I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable.

I don't know – does this only happen to Western women? I'm sure men like this do the same to Indian women too. How on earth do they deal with this every single day? I honestly don't think I'd go back.

I travel to Delhi frequently for work alone for weeks at a time and I would never go anywhere on my own. I always have a driver to pick me up and take me. I have used Ubers for short taxi journeys and only visited shopping mall by myself. But it's not safe for Westerners, you cannot walk around alone.

As they have in quite large parts of India! As I mentioned, I went to Mumbai which is far more westernised than other parts, also Goa and another person said Kerala was fine too.

Have experienced this is India, in Egypt to a lesser extent, and lived in Istanbul for some years where daily groping was commonplace, particularly on the bus. I took to carrying a large hatpin in my bag and jabbed anyone who touched me, also shouting loudly in Turkish 'why are you touching me you filthy pervert' etc, which often led to other men dealing with the creep on my behalf, or sometimes women too. Used to get kerb crawled on my way to work as a teacher, smartly dressed and carrying a briefcase. In my experience and those of others above it seems to be a particular issue in Muslim countries, and India of course. Probably not allowed to say that though.

But everywhere in India is different. Delhi is different to Mumbai which is different to Bangalore.

But all the data says the UK is a safer place to be than India. Indian women do say in the UK away from parents they love the freedom just to live as and how they want.

They do not value women, it seems to me 🤷🏽‍♀️

I've got a 7 week tour of India booked for the summer.

This thread has not been a helpful read.

I'm well travelled across Asia, so have dealt with a lot. My Indian female friends assured me I would be fine.

Buying some local outfits once I land in Mumbai appears to be a priority.

I went in the early 2010s for 3 weeks travelling a fair distance, using trains and didn't have any issues. Didn't get sick either. Lots of photos requests from men and women but they didn't feel disrespectful. I was with DH the whole time though and wouldn't have dared go out alone.

Crikey - literally what is wrong with men to actually do that?
Where does this total hatred/ inability to have a normal relationship with women come from culturally and why isnt it changing?

Comparing Delhi and Agra to Bangalore or Chennai or Mumbai is a bit like comparing Bulgaria to the UK, tis true.

From GOV UK
It's common. Did you read this before you went? Would you have chosen to go somewhere else if you'd known?

I have been to India many times. I have never been assaulted, though bothered and harassed a lot. I have had the best of times and the worst of times there.

What a time to be in north India - darn hot I should think!

Men outnumbering women due to female infantacide and sex-selective abortions.

Bit puzzled by the fact that people think buying local outfits will help. It will still be blindingly obvious you're white!

Everyday, boat loads of these "gentlemen" rock up on our shores.

That’s interesting. My only experience was of New Delhi and Agra (where I had alot of hassle).

Sounds like it’s better for women and girls living in Bangalore (and other regions hopefully). Are there particular areas that are better/worse in this respect?

I am an indian woman but family grew up somewhere else so Ive never been if that makes sense. But my family are originally indian..I would never go due to horrific stories ive heard.

Once I was breastfeeding on a train in london on the inside seat thinking no one could see me, my boob was not fully out at all. As I looked a few seats ahead I caught an indian man staring at me and my boobs in the most disgusting way. It grossed me out so much.

I also saw an indian man on a tube cupping his hand under a woman's bum in busy rush hour. Whenever the tube jerked he'd cop a feel without her knowing. I screamed at him once I realised what he was doing. The dude was not the slightest bit perturbed by being called out.

India is known for this. They even have a name for it: "Eve-teasing." That's why there are women-only carriages on trains. India is a devastatingly sexist culture. The daughter-in-law is the lowest on the totem pole in the family, and the mother-in-law is the highest. DILs often get mistreated. And there have been horrific crimes involving women in India, ones which have made the international news. I won't describe them here, too horrible, but you can look them up. I think India looks beautiful but due to these risks, and the risk of horrendous stomach bugs, I probably won't go there.

I'd rather be in the UK than Bulgaria. The same way I love Bangalore and but don't want to step foot in Delhi ever again

They aren't Indian

I am 1/2 Indian and white (1/2 Irish Mum). When I dressed in more local clothes I was harassed far less. It is not obvious I'm white from behind and in busy crowds you stick out far less. It's also a sign of respect, showing you are recognising your willingness to embrace a different culture (not that this stops assault obv).

Do they? Can you link to any evidence of Indians arriving by boat? Would be quite a journey.

One wonders who in their right mind even would go there.

In local clothes you may have local contacts- be working locally, be protected. Not a tourist.

It happens all over the world in every country but people say some particular areas in a town or country are worse than others. You were unlucky and I am sorry

If you return to India, go to a different place.

It's crazy you went to a market alone with your 12 year old daughter. You put both of you in a very dangerous situation. In future, do some research before travelling.