India – loved it, but I came back feeling so violated.

[LondonLass40]

Just back from the Golden Triangle with my husband (43) and 12yr daughter. Stunning forts, incredible food ( lucky no Delhi belly 😀) amazing history is genuinely breathtaking.

But I’m struggling to process the darker side.

One afternoon in Delhi, my husband stayed at the hotel. I took my daughter to a busy market near cannaught place in broad daylight, crowded. A man walked past and grabbed my breast. Right in front of my daughter. He just kept walking. I froze. My poor girl kept asking why he touched Mummy.

Then there was the constant selfie nonsense when my husband was there and men lining up, putting their arms around me, getting too close while my husband stood there awkwardly not knowing what to do.

And the worst part was at the Red Fort queue. This guy kept pushing into me from behind – clearly not an accident. I turned around and shouted at him. He didn't run, didn't even look embarrassed , he just walked away ignoring me like I was invisible. I spoke to a security guard who just pretend to do something and did absolutely nothing.

I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable.

I don't know – does this only happen to Western women? I'm sure men like this do the same to Indian women too. How on earth do they deal with this every single day? I honestly don't think I'd go back.

@LondonLass40 I know these issues aren't isolated to India and this could happen in London too. But this was so blatant, so frequent, so relentless that I simply cannot ignore it. I've been to so many tourist destinations around the world and have never experienced harassment on this scale. It felt inescapable

Come on OP.

India tops one of the worlds worst countries for women and women's rights, and for that, I refuse to consider it for a holiday. Gay and lesbian people are under no obligation to holiday in destinations that trample over their wellbeing, and so I am exercising the same decision making when it comes to which country I choose to visit.

And yet, when working class women show concern about high levels on immigration from counties where western or unaccompanied women are regarded as fair game or sluts, where street sexual harassment is at a much greater scale than here, we're brow beaten my middle class people who call us racists. We know how the world is. We live against the brunt end of every change.

I'm sorry you and your daughter had this experience. Please don't go again. It's irresponsible.

Comparing the UK to Bulgaria 😅Bulgaria is much safer ...

I too had a scary experience travelling in India nearly 20 years ago but I’ve got no desire to ever go back and would be reluctant for my daughters to do so.

I dont think its about respect? We have quite a few women walking around in veils and burkas where i live, i wouldnt expect them to ditch it to show respect for my culture

Who is 'they'. I know this thread has evolved somewhat from the OP. But there is simply no comparison whatsoever between a country like Greece and India.

I have been to India just the once and it horrified me. For all the reasons on this thread and some not mentioned. A friend's cousin had been raped while backpacking over there in early 2000's, and any other female I have spoken to about travels in India report much of the same.

I have lived in Greece for over 20 years and never encountered anything beyond a whistle, though it is definitely frowned upon today and the younger generation would take each other to task over it. I am not saying it doesn't happen, or that your experience was rare, but I have never felt safer as a woman, than I do here tbh - purely speaking with regards to being out and about, walking home late at night etc.

Men are scumbags everywhere, but the data doesn't lie when it comes to men in India.

I wanted to leave both.

The south tends to be a lot nicer. I'm not going to say it's perfect. It's probably not safer than most European cities, but I like it there.

I tried asking AI and I don't think there's enough data to compare like for like the stats between Bangalore and European cities. But Delhi is a lot more dangerous.

Also countries that are interesting, but I won't visit on personal safety and principle reasons. Egypt as well.

Even having a man with you isn't enough. Someone I knew told me never to go to Morocco as a man sexually assaulted his wife in front of him at a market. He kept trying to shove his hand and finger down his wife's trousers from behind.

This, and this is the tip of the iceberg for Indian women.

After that horrific gang rape of the physiotherapy student in front of her boyfriend on a bus and her subsequent death, I have refused to even entertain the idea of travelling to India. That attack was just the tip of an iceberg of disgusting misogynistic behaviour. Such a shame as india would be a spectacular place to visit but it is so ingrained in the male psyche there I wouldn’t risk it. None of my Indian female friends will travel back there either.

Sorry you had this experience

I went to India with a friend in around 2005. We started with a 2 week tour - mixed male and female group, male tour guide, no issues, and it was stunning.

My friend and I then did a couple weeks travelling together. I remember an incident on a public long distance bus where men behind kept putting their hand through the seat gap and pinching our bottoms. Asked them to stop and they just laughed. Until a lady across from us noticed, spoke her husband and he gave them an earful and told us to swop seats with them, as they were sitting in front of 2 ladies.

I would love to show my girls how stunning India is, but just wouldn't feel confident taking them there. We met many kind, welcoming people, but a few awful people tainted our experience.

Nepal is right next door, but we found everyone very respectful of women. I lived there for nearly a year, travelled round on my own at times with no issues at all. Both are predominantly Hindu countries, but very different cultural gender views I found

OMG. DD is in the fabric business and is scheduled to visit the company factories in India in a few months. I'm now terrified for her!

Where in India are they?

I had no idea the attitudes and culture there are so backward that men feel able to sexually assault random women in the street!

India is not somewhere I’ve ever looked into visiting so maybe that’s why I’m a bit naive to what it’s like. But it is what I’d expect of places like Tunisia, Egypt & Morocco and is the reason why I’d never go there.

If it were my dd, I would plead with her not to go. She will be too at risk, no matter what a few on here are claiming about their wonderful experiences, it is simply not safe at all for women.

In fact, I am perplexed at anyone wanting to visit. There is not a chance in hell I would go again, let alone take my 2 dds with me.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, OP. I hope you were still able to enjoy your holiday. India has incredibly high rates of male violence against women and girls. It definitely doesn't just happen to Western women; Indian women and girls go through horrific experiences. People romanticise India, and I think they often don't realise what it's really like, or if they do, they find it too uncomfortable to talk about because they don't want to be accused of racism. It's one of the worst places in the world for women.

So sorry! Clicked YABU in error! Sounds like it has been very uncomfortable for you I am sorry!

OP, I have travelled all over the world on my own. I visited India in my 20s many years ago and had similar experiences to you; being followed by men, being propositioned inappropriately, men staring all the time. Luckily nothing bad happened but it definitely felt dicey at times. The only western women they see are the ones in films and they have this idea that we're all up for it.

It's the only country I tell people not to visit especially women. I would never ever go back. I've heard similar things about Sri Lanka, which puts me off visiting.

I agree. Definitely ask her not to go!

Unfortunately that's how the men behave in Africa

What a sweeping statement and it's rubbish.

I've travelled solo in North, South, East and West Africa and have never had a problem.

A friend and I had a week in Goa about 10 yrs ago, on the beach we were followed by groups of teenage boys who kept taking photos of us , we were wearing bikinis, I shouted at them to stop but they continued harassing us. As the sun was setting on the beach we sat to watch the sun go down with some other western tourists and out of nowhere a group of Indian men who were drunk came and sat practically on top of us, we ran back to our guest house. These men think that white women are sluts because we will have sex outside of marriage.
I’ve been in Cornwall this week and luckily I’m with my husband but I feel deeply uncomfortable at the amount of Indian men on the beaches down here, they don’t swim they are fully clothed and just ogling you in your bikini, it makes me angry because I know their values are so different to ours . Indian woman are never wearing swimsuits or bikinis because in their culture it’s shameful to do so . I was glad to leave the beach today to get away from them and will avoid beaches where groups of Indian men are gathering.

OMG, how did you get away?

I used to work in this and my boss went a fair bit. She stayed in high end hotels and had a driver. never reported anything like this. She wasn’t white but sometimes went with other white colleagues. Just tell her to stick with work people.

Eye opening posts. I’ve not been and probably won’t at any point.