Wedding money how much?

[narcASD]

My godson is getting married and the couple have asked for money.
I rarely see him but am close to his mum who is my cousin.
4 of us going, husband, myself and my two kids (10&14).
The meal is £230 per head (my cousin told me, same price for kids).

i read that money should cover food and drinks but i don't have over £800 to give!
i was thinking £200 is that mean?

Nobody expects anyone to spend more just because it's cash. The covering your plate bollocks is a seperate and very unwelcome new phenomenon.

@DappledThings I had never heard of it until this thread. It’s unbelievably crass! Who tells guests what the costs are?

When people bought items for the home, the couple were probably moving into their first home with nothing much. Now most have lived away from home and as couples are older, they have first home stuff already. DD and her partner have just consolidated into one flat from 2. The last thing they need is another casserole dish or wine glasses. So they have a present list that’s unique to them. It’s an interest they have and guests can add some money in or not! I thought most people did this or said they would appreciate a contribution to a honeymoon or similar. I’ve never seen gifts linked to food/drink costs!

I disagree
I don't know anyone who would ever dream of turning up to dinner empty handed. Not one single person

I've only ever seen it on MN. I don't know where it came from but it is indeed unbelievably crass. I'd find it really intrusive if someone tried to research my venue and work out which package we'd paid for to decide what they thought they were obliged to pay. Horrible concept.

But the idea of giving a cash gift in and of itself is totally fine. Very welcome in fact as it's so easy. I've appreciated being able to do that easily many times and never once felt that a specifc amount was required.

Depends on the circumstances. Someone I didn't know very well or didn't see often and it had any degree of formality then I'd take something. When we used to have dinner and games about once a month with the same couple neither of us would bring anything after the first few times. Gets pointless quickly.

It's the sort if thing I would also do if it was invited to someone's house now and it wasn't part of an established pattern but it wouldn't register with me if someone turned up empty-handed to mine.

It's not a 'free' bar if every guest feels obliged to up their gift but 200 quid. Even in my prime drinking days I couldn't get through £200 of booze on top of the table wine and the toast. Again if you can't afford a free bar don't have one but don't expect everyone to contribute more than they would spend at a pay bar.

That's actually hilariously OTT.

Just stumbled across this.
Last month we went to a friends wedding that was on a Thursday. Which forced anyone with a job to take at least 1.5 most 2 days leave from work. It is 4 hours drive away from where they, us and a lot of their guests live. No real connection to the area other than they wanted a countryside wedding and did it in this place.
Hotel was £200 a night. We all had to pay for taxis to venue as venue nowhere near hotel. So given the annual leave we had to book off work, cost of hotel etc we gave £50 per couple towards a holiday voucher.
Had it been a weekend wedding (far more considerate to guests!) location nearer etc we’d have given £150. For a god child/ family would also give more.

@Pigstroff25 exactly the point I have tried to make on this thread, only to be called ‘tight’! It costs a few hundred ££ as a minimum to attend a minimum when you factor everything in. And as a single person, my costs are considerably higher as I don’t have anyone to share the cost of petrol, hotel room etc. I think £50 per couple is absolutely fine, but watch out for the grabby bridezillas who will be along in a minute to squeal at how mean it is! 😂

In your heart of hearts you can’t seriously think that you need to give £800? Including £230 for a 10 year old!

Is the whole extended family very wealthy including yours? Maybe that is the norm in some circles but literally since when do you give to receive? Does your family indicate Christmas present costs so you can receive the same value goods? It’s a joke and totally commercialises a romantic event in my view.

I don’t mind couples asking for money. Means I don’t have to think about what to buy.

in this case, if you can afford it then £150 would be nice.

Would you spend £200 on a meal out for your family if 4? If you couldn’t afford that for yourselves, no way should you feel obliged to give £200 as a wedding gift. Only give what you can COMFORTABLY afford. If that’s £50, fine. You will already be forking out for 4 outfits, hotel rooms etc. Your cousin is common as muck and grabby even telling you the cost per person. Who gives a flying f? It’s their choice to pay that - if you invite people to a wedding/christening/60th party, etc etc it’s on the host to feed and water everyone, with hospitality and generosity of spirit.