Wedding money how much?

[narcASD]

My godson is getting married and the couple have asked for money.
I rarely see him but am close to his mum who is my cousin.
4 of us going, husband, myself and my two kids (10&14).
The meal is £230 per head (my cousin told me, same price for kids).

i read that money should cover food and drinks but i don't have over £800 to give!
i was thinking £200 is that mean?

I’m being judgemental because a couple who request cash gifts have you deciding oh no I don’t approve; turning up with an unwanted gift is a waste of money and fobbing them off with something they don’t want or need.
No need to bulldoze your way through life, just go along with a request.

Also, it’s not begging or grifting, it’s useful rather than unwanted tat. What an odd attitude.

I think your plan of £200 sounds perfect.

Crass to share cost per head with any guest IMO.

Though nothing wrong with requesting cash. 🙄 at the grabby comments. It is 2026 people!

OP, give what you can reasonably afford. If that is 200 then that is fine.

I can never get my head around it when people say you should cover your plate etc. The couple are choosing to have the wedding why should guests be expected to pay for a part of it. Just my view.
If
I always give £50 as a gift. £100 if it’s a very close family member.
Do what ever you feel comfortable doing @narcASD and only what you can afford. £200 is more than lovely.

Extraordinarily vulgar to share the catering costs with the guests.

We'd probably give £250 as a family, regardless of whether the catering was a hog roast or Michelin starred. To be fair, we'd probably give slightly more to the couple who were giving a hog roast/buffet in a church hall.

@Liberancho agreed, the weird ‘it’s grifting/begging’ sorry Susan nobody wants your tat you’ve decided on for a gift.

@KitchenColourandstyle Most ventures that are not all inclusive just post hire prices. Only people who know about weddings have much idea of the full price. However mentioning it when someone is asking about a gift is pretty low.

I was removed from a thread by MN HQ for saying wedding couples don’t want tat. Against the rules to be so unkind to the poster who wanted to give the “amazing gift” apparently. I won’t say what it was but ultimate tat!

£100 is plenty

If the ‘rule’ is to cover the cost of your meal then I think maybe five of the 120 people that came to my wedding did that! We chose an expensive venue and good food (can’t remember the per meal cost) and had free drinks all night. We paid (or my DH did) for 70% of the wedding. We appreciated any gifts we received and the only time I though ‘huh’ was when a very wealthy friend of my parents gave us a wooden salad serving bowl (£20), rather than the set which would have been about £50.
People, should they give a gift, should give what they can afford. If that’s £20 or £200 that’s up to them. As there are four of you and you are a godmother and close to the mother I think £200-250, if you can afford that, is fine. My two sisters went to a wedding of a cousin’s son. They know the cousin well but not his son particularly. The wedding was more budget conscious than your godchild’s (on a weekday etc), and my sisters gave £350, because they thought the couple would really appreciate it and find it useful. And they could afford to.

@MeetMeOnTheCornerdo tell what the tat was? it’s probably languishing unsold in a charity shop

I’ve always thought that “covering your plate” was an absolutely bollocks rule. Let’s say you have two good friends, one is wealthy and marries someone wealthy and has an expensive wedding, do you give them more of a gift than a friend who can’t afford a particularly expensive wedding?
Plus, in most cases you don’t know the cost of the plate anyway.

£200 is extremely generous imo.

Do brides and grooms ever consider their guests hotel costs, travel costs, clothing costs, bar bills etc. when they plan these extravagant weddings?? I seriously doubt it and now they expect us to cover the cost of our meals as well 😮what next, we’ll have to chip in for the honeymoon??

Exactly my wedding venue gave a per head figure but that covered more than the food. (We also didn't pay that figure).
If I get invited to Pretty Village hall I have no way of knowing if I'm getting a buffet made by Aunt Doris or a 5 star caterer. But I would rather stretch my gift budget for those doing a DIY wedding on a shoestring than for a couple that can afford an expensive day.

I would be very upset if someone didn't come to my wedding because they couldn't afford that amount of cash for a gift.

@narcASD Your cousin is a CF and a liar. How tacky to talk about meal costs when inviting someone. She did it just to pressure you in to giving more money than you can afford. 200£ is very generous for a family gift to the couple.

its £230 a head for meal & canapés, the meal is 2 courses, the bride comes from a very wealthy family.

I am very close to my cousin, she paid for my car hire at my wedding 15 years ago, she's like the sister I never had. The wedding has around 40 guest, no separate evening reception, if your invited it's to the whole day.

@TheBlueKoala my cousin is lovely, she told me about the cost as thought it was a crazy amount of money, her children have done very well financially, her and her husband are not high earners, but do live beyond their means, always been flashy, but definitely not tacky people. I can afford £200, she said give what you can afford, last wedding I went to was my own so out of the loop!

I'm from Northern Ireland and £100 gift per head seems to be the norm among friends, family and colleagues (prob £50 per kid) so I would think £300 would be more than enough (though because you are her godmother you might want to add extra). It does seem a lot for food even if the wine/fizz is flowing. From what I read on here though, it seems different in England on what the norm or general expectations are about gift giving.

OK sorry. Well, since they are so well off they don't need you going bankrupt for their wedding so don't feel any pressure.

Also drinks are free all night (I don't drink alcohol), parents brought wine, beer, champagne and 3 varieties of spirits, soft drinks, limited amount of tea / coffee, they had to hire bar staff, hire waiting staff, basically hired everything as the venue doesn't provide anything.

£50 in total!

It doesn’t matter what they are paying for the wedding! That is THEIR CHOICE to do that!!! You are a guest at their wedding not there to cover their expenses!!

Telling you how much they are paying for food per head IS TACKY as hell!!!