Page 5 | Wedding money how much?

ChiasMarineras · Yesterday 18:02

KitchenColourandstyle · Yesterday 17:54

Umm what makes you soo certain I'm white? Whatever it is you are wrong.

if you know anyone serving truffles and caviar at their wedding, please let me know where to find them

Presumably the people who are having a £250 per head meal.

Some the the very best wedding I've been to have been done with help and love of the community meaning people contributed to food by bringing a dish, making cakes etc but not by feeling that if they couldn't cover a certain amount they would have to forego taking their partner or missing the wedding entirely.

My wedding guests were my guests that means it was on me to feed them, I could afford to provide a nice meal (but certainly not at £230 meal) for the number of people we wanted to invite. If I felt people would have felt obliged to pay me back for that meal I would have chosen a much cheaper option because I didn't want people to not attend because of money. Hence we provided accommodation for friends who were travelling from overseas and one who had recently lost their job. Their being there was of far greater value to us than them 'covering their plate'.

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It actually seems we have very similar values. That is exactly what we do for people who travel for weddings - they are not expected to fork out money on accommodation. The plate cost is (most of the time) a reasonable amount. Nobody would begrudge their friends or relatives not giving huge amounts of money. I only said it’s the social norm.

It reads as if you’ve now assumed we’re all snobby materialistic people who make guests feel unwelcome at our weddings if they can’t pay half a grand in meal costs. Just as you explained, if people cannot contribute cash, they find other ways in which to express gratitude towards the couple and join in with the celebration. It looks different everywhere you go.

Pedant61 · Yesterday 18:06

Mermaidmusing · Yesterday 10:00

£50 is absolutely fine. Some of the suggestions on this thread are wild! Remember you don’t usually hand over cash either, there’s usually a ‘honeymoon fund’ to pay into which I find much less embarrassing.

For all those saying it’s fine to ask for money, because most couples already have a home etc, I would say this: if they already have their life and home set up, why exactly do they ‘need’ cash handouts from friends & family? Have a wedding or don’t; have a honeymoon or don’t, but bloody well pay for it yourselves and only invite guests if you can afford to feed them, and want them there for their company on your special day, not because you want to squeeze money out of them for your tropical honeymoon.

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I agree. Wedding presents used to be to help you set up home (we still have lots of ours, 30+years later). But now people already have homes before marriage, why don't they just ask for charitable donations? So much nicer.

CopeNorth · Yesterday 18:07

narcASD · Yesterday 03:13

My godson is getting married and the couple have asked for money.
I rarely see him but am close to his mum who is my cousin.
4 of us going, husband, myself and my two kids (10&14).
The meal is £230 per head (my cousin told me, same price for kids).

i read that money should cover food and drinks but i don't have over £800 to give!
i was thinking £200 is that mean?

Please don’t feel pressured to give more than you can afford x

ZanyPoet · Yesterday 18:11

Pedant61 · Yesterday 18:06

I agree. Wedding presents used to be to help you set up home (we still have lots of ours, 30+years later). But now people already have homes before marriage, why don't they just ask for charitable donations? So much nicer.

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😂

For many people, a honeymoon is a lot more important than a box of china from Ikea, what's wrong with guests contributing?

Why do you think you can police what is an acceptable gift 😂

KitchenColourandstyle · Yesterday 18:11

ChiasMarineras · Yesterday 18:02

It actually seems we have very similar values. That is exactly what we do for people who travel for weddings - they are not expected to fork out money on accommodation. The plate cost is (most of the time) a reasonable amount. Nobody would begrudge their friends or relatives not giving huge amounts of money. I only said it’s the social norm.

It reads as if you’ve now assumed we’re all snobby materialistic people who make guests feel unwelcome at our weddings if they can’t pay half a grand in meal costs. Just as you explained, if people cannot contribute cash, they find other ways in which to express gratitude towards the couple and join in with the celebration. It looks different everywhere you go.

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But the question was from someone who is attending a very expensive wedding and is being told that if can't cover her costs she shouldn't go. In that instance the bride and groom have chosen to spend a ridiculous amount of money on their guests. She isn't being asked to help a poor couple get a start in life. She is being asked to pay for someone else's life style choices. I'm not assuming anything about you but I am assuming that a couple having a £230 per head event are materialistic (well actually I'm assuming they live a ridiculous Internet fueled bubble that is making them feel they have to spend a fortune when they can't afford to).

DaisyJo94 · Yesterday 18:11

ChiasMarineras · Yesterday 16:21

I am genuinely curious as have never been to such a wedding - what did your £250 meal include? Was that with or without drinks?

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We love food so it was the area we didn’t have a budget for and just went for what we wanted.

We had a 3 course dinner (amuse-bouche and palate cleanser in addition to the 3 courses). We had drinks on arrival, wine on the table (not cheap wine - I was allowed to choose my favourite wines), we also had a drink to toast and we paid for additional cocktails.

I still get compliments on the food and some of my friends with very fussy palates still say it’s the best food they’ve ever eaten.

Tryagain26 · Yesterday 18:14

of course your gift doesnt have to cover the cost of the wedding meal. they invited you, they chose the menu, yu didn't have any choice of venue etc.
Just give them what you can afford

Tryagain26 · Yesterday 18:21

AbzMoz · Yesterday 09:42

Is this a very large wedding or have you only been invited out of duty? I think taking the whole family when you don’t otherwise see him/them is a bit much tbh…

why shouldn't she take them? They have been invited. its not like going out for a meal that you have to pay for yourself,

MeetMeOnTheCorner · Today 09:37

@DaisyJo94 Yes, when you add in drink the cost goes up a lot. DD is having a cocktail station and we are having champagne. Not telling guests the cost! DD and her nearly DH are paying for quite a lot themselves and have chosen their own wines. We have sparkling tea too for non drinkers. The bar is open all night! The venue had 6 contracted caterers so have gone with one of them because they know the kitchen and did some great, very tasty, food options and guests get a choice . DD thinks most guests don’t remember good food, only awful food! I think the overall event is remembered though so venue and a fun time probably mean more. We shall see!

Mermaidmusing · Today 11:44

Pedant61 · Yesterday 18:06

I agree. Wedding presents used to be to help you set up home (we still have lots of ours, 30+years later). But now people already have homes before marriage, why don't they just ask for charitable donations? So much nicer.

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Charity donations are an excellent idea! I don’t care what anyone says, there’s just something so grabby and unpleasant about asking wedding guests for money. It wouldn’t be acceptable at any other type of celebration.

Mermaidmusing · Today 11:51

EatMoreChocolate44 · Yesterday 13:19

I'm from Northern Ireland and £100 gift per head seems to be the norm among friends, family and colleagues (prob £50 per kid) so I would think £300 would be more than enough (though because you are her godmother you might want to add extra). It does seem a lot for food even if the wine/fizz is flowing. From what I read on here though, it seems different in England on what the norm or general expectations are about gift giving.

I’m also from NI but live in England, and one of the big differences between the 2 places is that NI people are super hospitable and English people, generally, are not.

In NI you wouldn’t dream of turning up to someone’s house for dinner without a bottle of wine or box of chocs, but my English friends turn up here empty-handed more often than not. Likewise, this trend of expecting money from wedding guests is less common in NI (it’s increasing, inevitably) and guests certainly wouldn’t be expected to cover the cost of food. Hospitality is a big part of the NI psyche and if you invite people to something, you feed and water them at your own expense. If you can’t afford to feed 200 guests, you need to just invite 40 guests or 20. Whatever number you can afford to feed generously, and without expectation of guests subsidising it.