Wedding money how much?

[narcASD]

My godson is getting married and the couple have asked for money.
I rarely see him but am close to his mum who is my cousin.
4 of us going, husband, myself and my two kids (10&14).
The meal is £230 per head (my cousin told me, same price for kids).

i read that money should cover food and drinks but i don't have over £800 to give!
i was thinking £200 is that mean?

who is paying for the wedding?
what would the money be for? a honeymoon? or to help towards the wedding?
i think go with £250

i read that money should cover food and drinks
Whatever dark corner of the internet you read that on should be completely ignored. You are a guest, you are not expected to pay for yourself. It is utterly crass that you have been told what the cost per head is. Nobody should be telling anyone that and guests shouldn't be trying to figure it out.

£100 is plenty.

It’s a celebration not a transactional event. The cost of the wedding is a decision made by the bride and groom.
£200 is not in any way mean.

I NEVER give money as a wedding gift when asked…although I’d give it if it wasn’t requested.
To me, asking for money is the most common, classless, cheeky, entitled, grifting, begging thing to do!
If you don’t want gifts then say ‘donate to our chosen charity’ , ‘spend the money on a new outfit for the celebration’ or even ‘just use money to buy drinks at our wedding’ (although I think a free bar at weddings should be mandatory!).

£200 is perfect. Paying that much a head is insane. They shouldn't be paying that if they need money back. The money from you is a gift to show your love. Don't over think it.

Can I ask how that works? Do you Google the venue and find out the costs (you would have been wrong if you'd done that for my wedding), how do you find that information if its not obvious (e.g. the reception is at a hire only venue and outside catering is being used? Do the couple put the 'price' in the invite? Do people not invite old Aunties living on their pension or young adult cousins who have just got their first job in case they can't meet expectations?

You do not cover the cost of your place! Ive seen that on here before. £100 is very generous. You hardly know him either.

£230 per head! WTF! That’s their crazy choice to have a wedding that expensive! My auntie who I love dearly and see regularly gave us £200 for our wedding.
£200 is more than enough for someone you don’t see! I’d probably only give £50 that’s what we had from most guests. You have to think if you could be due to go to any other similar weddings and would need to make the same if not more contribution if those people are closer!

Is this a very large wedding or have you only been invited out of duty? I think taking the whole family when you don’t otherwise see him/them is a bit much tbh…

Sounds like paying for the meal cost is a cultural thing so not really relevant.

Having said that, I do think generally about covering the cost....more to psychologically justify/reconcile with myself that it feels a lot of money to give someone but that it's effectively only likely to be a bit more than the equivalent of a nice meal out (if that makes sense).

I would have thought £230 is package cost and not just food.

You'll get different opinions on here obviously but I'd say £200 is generous but if you can afford it, great. £150 would be fine too. If you really can't afford it then less is fine.

In a scenario where my children didn't know the wedding party I'd probably do £100 with my DH and not take the kids and save them some money that way!

£200 is ideal, also don’t listen to those saying I don’t agree with money;give a gift, that’s just rude when they’ve specified they do not want gifts. It’s their wedding not somewhere for your high horse.

@Gall10you're incredibly arrogant and rude, it’s not for you to judge, every wedding I’ve attended asks for cash, nobody wants your ‘gift’.
Most couples have a home and the cash allows them to choose their own gift.
Mandatory free bar? get a grip.

This nonsense about covering the cost of your meals at a wedding is insane. Weddings already incur costs for guests with travel, outfits, hotels, etc. It is the couple’s choice to have a wedding and they should cut their cloth according to their means. If they can’t afford to feed all their guests, they should cut back their plans and pare down the guest list.

To expect guests to cover costs is the total opposite of hospitality, it boils my blood.

As for gifts, I hate the current grabby fashion for requesting money. I have a reasonable income but if I’ve already forked out a couple of hundred quid on an outfit, petrol and a hotel, I’m not also going to be giving a wad of money.

Assuming there is a payment fund with bank details to make contributions, I send £30 for a friend, maybe £50 or £60 for a niece/nephew. It’s a token payment under duress, I’m not covering the cost of anyone’s holiday!

DO NOT feel pressurised to giving more than you can comfortably afford. And totally ignore the MN loons who claim to give £hundreds as wedding gifts, I assume it’s just the bridezillas who try to sow that seed!

If you’re paying the cost, you’re not a guest. £50 is the most I’d put in a card.

Agree with this.

£30/50? seriously? how tight

£50 is absolutely fine. Some of the suggestions on this thread are wild! Remember you don’t usually hand over cash either, there’s usually a ‘honeymoon fund’ to pay into which I find much less embarrassing.

For all those saying it’s fine to ask for money, because most couples already have a home etc, I would say this: if they already have their life and home set up, why exactly do they ‘need’ cash handouts from friends & family? Have a wedding or don’t; have a honeymoon or don’t, but bloody well pay for it yourselves and only invite guests if you can afford to feed them, and want them there for their company on your special day, not because you want to squeeze money out of them for your tropical honeymoon.

You know nothing about me. I’m not remotely tight. I assume from your rude responses on this thread that you are/have been a recent bride who thinks you’re entitled to a wad of cash from every guest.

I’m going to a friend’s wedding next month. 3 hours drive away and in middle of nowhere so requires an overnight stay at the venue: £130; outfit cost £140; petrol will be £50. So that’s over £300 already. Wtf should I fund their honeymoon on top? Didn’t ask to be invited but friend would be offended if I didn’t go. If they can’t afford a wedding, they don’t need to have one. They already have 2 kids, they are not a young couple setting up home. I will give a token amount.

Most people do not have £300 to throw away on attending a wedding, let alone adding a big cash gift on top.

@MermaidmusingNo, long time since I married my late DH, if you grudge the outlay of attending a wedding just don’t go.
I think £50 for a family of four is on the mean side, I’m in Scotland and everybody is generous with gifts at weddings, christenings etc

As I always say, give what you can happily afford, if that is £50 so be it, if it's £10 so be it.
You most certainly do not have to 'cover your plate' or whatever the awful term is. If they are happy to pay a small fortune for their wedding, that is entirely their decision, you do not have to follow suit.

How tacky of your cousin to tell you how much the meal was costing, or to inflate it. I've been to many posh venues and don't believe any of them charged £230 for a child's meal.

£100 is our usual. £150 would be more than adequate. 200 generous. Give what you can afford

Give what you can. If you like them be generous if not just give a respectable amount you can afford. Not your fault they chose an expensive meal.

But £50 pounds is only 'mean' if you have enough money to easily give £50. If it means you will be going without in order to give it £50 is actually very generous.

I wanted everyone I care about at my wedding, not just those that could afford to pay for my choices. We provided food, booze, transport and even paid for accommodation for several people who might have struggled otherwise because they were our guests, not cash cows.

I think you’re being rude & judgemental over my personal opinion! Asking for cash has always been begging or grifting in my book!