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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel harassed by neighbours' children and their parents?

176 replies

Anto2024 · 11/07/2026 14:30

Long story warning.

I've spent the past five years with my partner in our new home, and suffice to say things started well, but in recent years I feel like our sanity has been stripped away one incident after another.

It started with what some parents on this site seem to think is "the inevitable and acceptable influx of toys" of various kinds being launched into the garden which at first I politely returned and heard no, "thank you!" or "sorry!". When I saw the mother of the children literally encouraging activities that increased the likelihood of toys being thrown into the garden, I stopped returning them as a protest.

At that point, toys were less frequent, but balls started to be kicked at the fence and doors in their new garage conversion started to be slammed. I didn't know if they knew how thin their walls were, so I put some music on loud just to give them a hint, and the banging got worse. Some friends were visiting and were in the garden and the banging started. Our friend said "Blimey, that is loud!", and then we heard knocking. They'd heard what he said and went in the house to purposely knock on their wall. I paid them a visit later that week, as my partner was working in his study and I could hear the banging from the other end of the garden. The father just lied to my face and said he couldn't hear any banging. Gaslighting at its finest.

Lost, and not sure what else we could do, we had a conversation discussing a solicitor, and it was either a coincidence, or they heard me, but the very next day, there was some drilling and the banging stopped from then on. I did later learn that the grandfather of the children had fallen seriously ill and was now living at the house, so I don't think the banging stopped for entirely (or at all) our benefit. The bangs of balls on the fence continued, but at least the banging that rattled through our entire house had stopped.

Out the front of the house our drives are next to one another with no separation, and they've always just let the children cycle all about the place, including over our drive when it was empty, but when I bought myself a car, they continued to cycle and scooter around their own car, squeezing through the gap next to the car I now have on my drive. The parents obviously haven't thought a second about my property, or that it might not be appropriate to let them do that. I've just kept the thought in my mind that the camera I have pointing at my car would capture any incident, should it occur, but it's not the point. I'm sat waiting constantly now, instead of balls to fly over and damage my garden, for a child to dent my car.

Yesterday they were stood on a bin by the fence staring at my partner who was working at the outdoor dining table naked because it was so hot, and he told them to go away, as you would, with our privacy being so completely breached for no reason at all.

I appreciate that kids will be kids and accidents will happen, but there is a certain level of cause and effect that is often completely ignored in situations like this. I haven't imagined having to change the way I can use my space or how stressed I am with a sense of PTSD waiting for the next slam.

At what point does this stop being innocent and a misunderstanding and become harassment. The parents haven't said a word to us about anything, even though it's clear there is an issue, and they seem happy to egg the children on to be as annoying as possible. Am I missing something, because I thought that teaching a child some boundaries and to respect other people and their property would be important if you cared at all about how they will behave later in life?

OP posts:
CleaningWoes · Yesterday 19:26

ShutupLwren · Yesterday 14:13

I don’t even know 😂 But he had no pants at all on. I’d have probably waved back and not noticed if my son hadn’t pointed out his penis just hanging out. He is quite a large chap, maybe I just thought he had his belly out or something and didn’t double take? Im clutching at straws here but I genuinely didn’t see it, despite giving his dog a stroke. Not a euphemism!
I’m not the most observant person but I’d like to think I’m not that daft I’d not notice half naked man in front of me, yet here we are 😂

That's hilarious! It could have had your eye out when you bent over to pat the dog 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Cath082 · Yesterday 20:09

I think there’s more to this story personally.
oh and why would your husband work naked?! Inappropriate or what.

Perimenipausalmum · Yesterday 20:17

Wow! Why would anyone go round naked in the garden knowing that kids live next door! That is just not right! It sounds like you just don't like the kids playing in their garden! But that's what kids do! They play ! Unless it's in the middle of the night or before 9am there's not much you can do! Get something to separate your drives! That will stop them from coming near your car! But i do think you are being very unreasonable! I think you should try and talk to them

BlueHydrangea7 · Yesterday 20:30

Anto2024 · 11/07/2026 15:17

It isn't anticipating an accident. They kick the ball against the fence so hard, and the banging in the house was so loud i started to get palpitations when i heard one and was waiting for the next. Honestly. I didn't know how else to describe how I felt. I don't mean to minimise PTSD.

You absolutely can get PTSD over time from suffering scumbag neighbour issues. The hypervigilance sets in and every loud noise can make your heart race. It's bloody horrible.

ByPinkOP · Yesterday 20:35

You sound a bit deranged. You really think the neighbours moved an elderly relative in because you don’t like the noise of a door? Not to mention everything else. You’re complaining about neighbours being inconsiderate when you clearly have no consideration or tolerance for them. Some of the things are not ok (I certainly wouldn’t allow my kids to recklessly cycle down the side of peoples cars in that way), but seriously? You are not the victim here

AuntieLemonade · Yesterday 20:37

You both sound like my neighbours - I’ve got one set of chavs with screaming kids and diy one side and an old fella wandering around with his old fella hanging out on the other side, trying to give himself chode cancer. I’m looking to move 😆

ThisZanyPinkSquid · Yesterday 20:38

I am sorry but you really are quite obsessive about your neighbours. Kids are kids and they come with noise at every age.

Not throwing the toys over really is petty, it’s not being entitled it’s being kind to literal kids!!

They are entertaining themselves in THEIR house and THEIR garden. So what is a ballot 2 come over the garden, it’s literally not the end of the world 🤷🏼‍♀️ I absolutely would have told mines off for looking in your garden because yes that is a breach of privacy but it very weird your husband had his meat and 2 veg hanging out in the back garden 🙈😂 I mean you do you but that is weird!!

KookyPeachScroller · Yesterday 20:39

Hey OP, It’s tough to balance kid life and adult life especially during a hot summer. Kids are busy, active and noisy and all that comes with added bonuses of all you are getting: toys and nosey kids.
Has your partner ever spoke to the neighbours?
It is hard to have a house of kids tiptoe about too. My 10 year old son sounds like an elephant going up the stairs. Kids are not naturally quiet creatures and that comes from the previous generation of ‘be-seen-and-not-heard’ kids who rebelled.
In understand the noise and banging and the PTSD (I have c-PTSD).
It maybe sounds like you and your partner have outgrown the area and need some peace and quiet and privacy. X

EmmaB1309 · Yesterday 20:41

They sound like a complete nightmare with all their noise, the toys coming into the garden (possibly innocent in itself, but it the expectation that you’ll just continually throw them back that’s unbelievably rude, they should be at least coming over and asking for them back, the in inconvenience of which should act as a deterrent) and riding bikes around your car which could easily get scratched or dented.
Im not sure what to suggest other than moving! I couldn’t abide this OP.
Yeah make sure you have a ring doorbell or similar focussed on your car.
Any excessive noise, speak to them about it.
As for the toys, I wouldn’t have a problem throwing the odd one back over especially if it’s something that’s meant to be thrown/kicked/batted and therefore likely to have arrived there innocently. But if it’s repeated many times, or it’s toys that have no business being lobbed over a fence, I’d leave it and they’ll have to come and ask you for it.
As for being naked in the garden, is your garden not at all overlooked? Not from upstairs windows or anything? I find that hard to believe. Unless it is completely private, this was very poor judgement. It feels a bit like he was trying to bait them. No one sane WFH naked in the garden. It’s not any cooler in a heatwave for a start! It’s cooler inside surely, with fans/windows open/curtains and blinds drawn? Or wear light clothing outside, lest sweaty balls adhere themselves to places! Seriously, urgh.

BuildbyNumbere · Yesterday 21:10

Anto2024 · 11/07/2026 15:33

Contrary to the vision people have clearly got in their minds, my partner isn't laying spread-eagled in the vain hope of exposing himself to preteens.

What's more gross than being naked in our own garden is the fact that anyone thinks it's okay to make those kinds of assertions. Perhaps I should have been more clear about how he makes an effort not to be exposed, sitting on a towel, and will wear that when moving about, but frankly, the garden is very sheltered, and we don't expect to see faces. That was a new thing.

You are not allowed to be in your garden completely naked if you can be seen, especially by children … you’re lucky the parents didn’t call the police!!

Noodles1234 · Yesterday 22:05

I think you’ve probably been one of the more honest posters here.

your neighbours sound a right “p.i.t.a”.
muy may have been better to have had a clear yet frank conversation first, but in real life when you’re busy you just get the hump and try subtle digs at a time that works.

not all neighbours are decent people sadly and understand and appreciate consideration. For him to gaslight you with the banging!
just to say good luck really.

RLou27 · Yesterday 22:24

At first I was thinking yeah that's annoying neighbours, just ignore the toys over the fence etc but then the mention of husband naked in the garden is be more inclined to think, if that was my neighbours I'd be saying they were perverts or paedos. I suspect your the weirdos if I'm honest and they get a laugh from winding you up which is clearly working and are maybe doing it in the hope you move out. I feel there's more to this.
Sitting in edge with anxiety because a ball is being kicked off the fence but not anxious hubby is sat naked in the garden

Maisey1991 · Yesterday 22:24

You’ve made a rod for your own back by not nipping in the bud with parents early doors, and acting petty by not returning their toys
also why was your husband naked 😂 that’s ridiculous to be naked in a garden that is overlooked 🤯

abbynabby23 · Yesterday 23:47

Anto2024 · 11/07/2026 14:30

Long story warning.

I've spent the past five years with my partner in our new home, and suffice to say things started well, but in recent years I feel like our sanity has been stripped away one incident after another.

It started with what some parents on this site seem to think is "the inevitable and acceptable influx of toys" of various kinds being launched into the garden which at first I politely returned and heard no, "thank you!" or "sorry!". When I saw the mother of the children literally encouraging activities that increased the likelihood of toys being thrown into the garden, I stopped returning them as a protest.

At that point, toys were less frequent, but balls started to be kicked at the fence and doors in their new garage conversion started to be slammed. I didn't know if they knew how thin their walls were, so I put some music on loud just to give them a hint, and the banging got worse. Some friends were visiting and were in the garden and the banging started. Our friend said "Blimey, that is loud!", and then we heard knocking. They'd heard what he said and went in the house to purposely knock on their wall. I paid them a visit later that week, as my partner was working in his study and I could hear the banging from the other end of the garden. The father just lied to my face and said he couldn't hear any banging. Gaslighting at its finest.

Lost, and not sure what else we could do, we had a conversation discussing a solicitor, and it was either a coincidence, or they heard me, but the very next day, there was some drilling and the banging stopped from then on. I did later learn that the grandfather of the children had fallen seriously ill and was now living at the house, so I don't think the banging stopped for entirely (or at all) our benefit. The bangs of balls on the fence continued, but at least the banging that rattled through our entire house had stopped.

Out the front of the house our drives are next to one another with no separation, and they've always just let the children cycle all about the place, including over our drive when it was empty, but when I bought myself a car, they continued to cycle and scooter around their own car, squeezing through the gap next to the car I now have on my drive. The parents obviously haven't thought a second about my property, or that it might not be appropriate to let them do that. I've just kept the thought in my mind that the camera I have pointing at my car would capture any incident, should it occur, but it's not the point. I'm sat waiting constantly now, instead of balls to fly over and damage my garden, for a child to dent my car.

Yesterday they were stood on a bin by the fence staring at my partner who was working at the outdoor dining table naked because it was so hot, and he told them to go away, as you would, with our privacy being so completely breached for no reason at all.

I appreciate that kids will be kids and accidents will happen, but there is a certain level of cause and effect that is often completely ignored in situations like this. I haven't imagined having to change the way I can use my space or how stressed I am with a sense of PTSD waiting for the next slam.

At what point does this stop being innocent and a misunderstanding and become harassment. The parents haven't said a word to us about anything, even though it's clear there is an issue, and they seem happy to egg the children on to be as annoying as possible. Am I missing something, because I thought that teaching a child some boundaries and to respect other people and their property would be important if you cared at all about how they will behave later in life?

Yes you are def unreasonable. If you want to live completely privately put a fence on the front to separate the properties and raised the back fence so they don’t see you walking around naked! I am so confused when you say “bangs on the fence with the balls continue”. They are playing with the ball what do you expect. I doubt the mother encourages them to annoy you and throw things to your garden. More likely the kids are older now and she encourages different types of games. It is obvious you don’t have kids yourself and only once you have you will understand.

ThisFluentFatball · Today 00:30

RLou27 · Yesterday 22:24

At first I was thinking yeah that's annoying neighbours, just ignore the toys over the fence etc but then the mention of husband naked in the garden is be more inclined to think, if that was my neighbours I'd be saying they were perverts or paedos. I suspect your the weirdos if I'm honest and they get a laugh from winding you up which is clearly working and are maybe doing it in the hope you move out. I feel there's more to this.
Sitting in edge with anxiety because a ball is being kicked off the fence but not anxious hubby is sat naked in the garden

I think that people that go around calling people paedophiles are probably pointing the finger at somebody else so they don’t have eyes on themselves. They actively seek ways to avoid the children needing or wanting to be interested in their garden. If they were paedophiles, wouldn’t they make friends with the parents and gain access to the children in some way, rather than shun them at every opportunity? Do you have a brain? Are you stupid, or are you just happy to throw vile insults at people you don’t know?

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · Today 03:50

You could always retaliate by getting your partner to bang his balls against the fence

Voneska · Today 09:03

Invest in some extra fencing and extra high fences. SORTED.!!!!!

Sereine · Today 09:05

Perimenipausalmum · Yesterday 20:17

Wow! Why would anyone go round naked in the garden knowing that kids live next door! That is just not right! It sounds like you just don't like the kids playing in their garden! But that's what kids do! They play ! Unless it's in the middle of the night or before 9am there's not much you can do! Get something to separate your drives! That will stop them from coming near your car! But i do think you are being very unreasonable! I think you should try and talk to them

Why shouldn't people dress as they like in their garden if no-one can see them unless they choose to climb up on something to peer over the 6' fence?

You need to disable your exclamation mark key.

PloddingAlong21 · Today 09:05

You could put some pleached hornbeams or something along the wall to raise height perhaps? They’ll they can’t peep over.

Now they’ve seen him naked they’ll keep climbing up as they think it’s funny. Kids for you.

Wildly unrelated…how does he not get sunburnt in the areas which don’t often see daylight?! 😂😂😂😂 I recommend the spray sun cream from Aldi for easy application. Honestly it must be prone to sunburn which can’t be fun?!

Sereine · Today 09:10

Winefride · Yesterday 11:53

If I have to explain it, then we're not going to be able to have a conversation where we see eye to eye. You have your thoughts and I have mine.

Well, if you can't explain it there is no point in expressing your view, is there? I struggle to see the problem with simply sitting there with your naked back and a bit of builders' cleavage on view. It's no more than you can see any day of the week walking past anywhere where men are working in the open on a hot day.

Highlandcows · Today 09:19

I’m not sure why OP has had such a hard time.

i sunbathe naked in my own garden 🤷🏼‍♀️ for either of my neighbours to see, they’d need to stand on something to look over the fence, and if they choose to do that, and then complain or think I’m some sort of pervert, then that’s on them!

I certainly don’t see any issue with her partner sitting at a table in the garden, working while naked, especially given the heat these last few weeks. Most people I know and talk to are wearing as little as possible in their own homes/gardens!

plus, it sounds like the children from next door wouldn’t ordinarily be able to even catch a glimpse of the fact he’s naked, if it weren’t for them standing on bins to purposely look in! That’s just rude, if I caught my children climbing on something to peer into a neighbours garden I’d tell them to stop and teach them about people being allowed some privacy. Sounds like the parents next door do little in the way of actual parenting and let their children carry on however they want with no regard to other peoples property or privacy!

dayslikethese1 · Today 09:30

Funny that everyone is telling OP that her husband shouldn't be naked, there was a thread the other week where a whole PARTY of people next door to OP were dancing around and playing 'balloon games' naked and everyone told that OP to chill out.

MumOf4totstoteens · Today 10:18

Your husband was butt naked in the garden? With kids next door? Sorry but I think YOUR the issue here. You sound very odd

BauhausOfEliott · Today 15:10

pootlingalong5 · 11/07/2026 20:53

Literally op it isn’t normal to be naked in your garden when you can be overlooked. It might be your property but the neighbours also have the right to look out of their window without getting confronted with your husbands ballsack.

The OP says that the garden isn't overlooked and has a 6ft fence, and that the kids had actually climbed up on to their bins specifically to be able to look into their garden. She says that quite clearly in her first post.

A couple of kids deliberately climbing on top of their bins to stare into someone else's garden is very, very different from the neighbours just looking out of the window casually and seeing a naked bloke wandering about.

In her follow up posts she also says that he was seated at a large wooden table so only his top half could be seen, and that he sat on a towel which he put around his middle to walk in and out.

BauhausOfEliott · Today 15:12

Highlandcows · Today 09:19

I’m not sure why OP has had such a hard time.

i sunbathe naked in my own garden 🤷🏼‍♀️ for either of my neighbours to see, they’d need to stand on something to look over the fence, and if they choose to do that, and then complain or think I’m some sort of pervert, then that’s on them!

I certainly don’t see any issue with her partner sitting at a table in the garden, working while naked, especially given the heat these last few weeks. Most people I know and talk to are wearing as little as possible in their own homes/gardens!

plus, it sounds like the children from next door wouldn’t ordinarily be able to even catch a glimpse of the fact he’s naked, if it weren’t for them standing on bins to purposely look in! That’s just rude, if I caught my children climbing on something to peer into a neighbours garden I’d tell them to stop and teach them about people being allowed some privacy. Sounds like the parents next door do little in the way of actual parenting and let their children carry on however they want with no regard to other peoples property or privacy!

Yes, all of this.

People basically just saw the word 'naked' and ignored the fact that the children had climbed on top of some bins specifically to stare over the 6ft fence and spy into the garden at him.

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