AIBU to feel harassed by neighbours' children and their parents?

[Anto2024]

Long story warning.

I've spent the past five years with my partner in our new home, and suffice to say things started well, but in recent years I feel like our sanity has been stripped away one incident after another.

It started with what some parents on this site seem to think is "the inevitable and acceptable influx of toys" of various kinds being launched into the garden which at first I politely returned and heard no, "thank you!" or "sorry!". When I saw the mother of the children literally encouraging activities that increased the likelihood of toys being thrown into the garden, I stopped returning them as a protest.

At that point, toys were less frequent, but balls started to be kicked at the fence and doors in their new garage conversion started to be slammed. I didn't know if they knew how thin their walls were, so I put some music on loud just to give them a hint, and the banging got worse. Some friends were visiting and were in the garden and the banging started. Our friend said "Blimey, that is loud!", and then we heard knocking. They'd heard what he said and went in the house to purposely knock on their wall. I paid them a visit later that week, as my partner was working in his study and I could hear the banging from the other end of the garden. The father just lied to my face and said he couldn't hear any banging. Gaslighting at its finest.

Lost, and not sure what else we could do, we had a conversation discussing a solicitor, and it was either a coincidence, or they heard me, but the very next day, there was some drilling and the banging stopped from then on. I did later learn that the grandfather of the children had fallen seriously ill and was now living at the house, so I don't think the banging stopped for entirely (or at all) our benefit. The bangs of balls on the fence continued, but at least the banging that rattled through our entire house had stopped.

Out the front of the house our drives are next to one another with no separation, and they've always just let the children cycle all about the place, including over our drive when it was empty, but when I bought myself a car, they continued to cycle and scooter around their own car, squeezing through the gap next to the car I now have on my drive. The parents obviously haven't thought a second about my property, or that it might not be appropriate to let them do that. I've just kept the thought in my mind that the camera I have pointing at my car would capture any incident, should it occur, but it's not the point. I'm sat waiting constantly now, instead of balls to fly over and damage my garden, for a child to dent my car.

Yesterday they were stood on a bin by the fence staring at my partner who was working at the outdoor dining table naked because it was so hot, and he told them to go away, as you would, with our privacy being so completely breached for no reason at all.

I appreciate that kids will be kids and accidents will happen, but there is a certain level of cause and effect that is often completely ignored in situations like this. I haven't imagined having to change the way I can use my space or how stressed I am with a sense of PTSD waiting for the next slam.

At what point does this stop being innocent and a misunderstanding and become harassment. The parents haven't said a word to us about anything, even though it's clear there is an issue, and they seem happy to egg the children on to be as annoying as possible. Am I missing something, because I thought that teaching a child some boundaries and to respect other people and their property would be important if you cared at all about how they will behave later in life?

If he asked you did you want to pet his cocker spaniel, I'm so glad you picked the spaniel.

I spoke to my neighbour about the frequent banging of the doors, and they basically laughed in my face saying they hadn’t heard any banging. The reason I don’t believe that at all is because he just walked out of the house that the banging was just happening in moments before I pressed their door bell. As I said, I talked about contacting a solicitor and the very next day it stopped, so either they knew exactly what they were doing or we are living in a world of impossible coincidences.

I guess I can take the wins that we are no longer bombarded with balls and the banging mostly stopped. I will take the advice posted somewhere above about blocking the gap where the face appeared yesterday.

Literally op it isn’t normal to be naked in your garden when you can be overlooked. It might be your property but the neighbours also have the right to look out of their window without getting confronted with your husbands ballsack.

Luckily for them, they were never at any risk from seeing his ballsack. I can’t edit the main post for some reason, but I have explained in great detail throughout the thread below about how the garden is laid out and what can and cannot be seen. The one window can be seen on the back wall above our pergola. That’s the only window that looks in, and sight lines don’t cover the whole garden.

Not the point but your garden is so pretty and the pearl clutchers will be pleased to see it's currently ballsack free 😉

Thank you. Balls very much put away.

Perhaps the OPs husbands' penis is so small they needed to get closer to see it 🤣🤣

It is quite dinky, actually. A bit like a small clitoris. 🤷🏽‍♂️ What’s it to you.

Ah you could have played a trick. Hide the balls in the bushes somewhere 🤣🤣

I've skimmed all the pages, but I'm still concerned about naked work in the garden. All manner of health and safety issues at play here.

I like to wear a bikini in the garden, but to be honest, I'd probably be cooler in something floatier.

Maybe your dh needs to take inspiration from the man from del monte.

I think that you need to find a way to stop fixating on them. Sitting around anxiously anticipating a noise from next door isn't healthy behaviour. Noises can't hurt you, the bang isn't a gun shot, it's a completely harmless noise, a bit irritating sure but the level that you have allowed it to wind you up to isn't right.

As someone with noisy neighbours the best way I've found to cope with it is just to tune it out. My neighbours army of grandkids also throw things into our garden on purpose, I gather them up and leave them aside then dump them over the fence every so often. I've never made a big deal out of any of it, Ive lived beside them for 15 years now and barely notice their existence anymore. Sounds wishy washy but it's a mindset, if I got worked up about everything they do I'd have gone mad long ago. Kids grow up the toys will stop being thrown, the noise will ebb and flow as their family grows and changes. None of it is worth creating bad feelings over for me, life is too short to live it grouching over neighbours.

They’ll be writing a post about you soon - I’d be horrified if my adult male next door neighbour worked naked in the garden! Neither me or my kids need to see that!

While next door’s kids are stood on a bin staring at him over a 6ft fence…😂

Interesting. When I commented on another thread about how disgusting and full of debauchery it was to be nude in public, someone called me a pearl clutching Plymouth Brethren, or something equally nonsensical. It is good to see that it's not just me who sees no good reason for someone to be nude in their garden where others can see. A grown man doing this is doing it for nefarious reasons and I don't care who disagrees.

"Get on the bin, folks, Billy Bollocko is swinging it about again!"

Another one all to happy to call someone a pervert in not so many words. If you’ve read all 100 and something comments to check people agree with you, you might have seen the pictures of my beautiful garden, and how not overlooked it is. My neighbours’ children have been told if they make a habit of being peeping toms the police will be called, because, funnily enough, we don’t want them looking in our garden for any reason, and they have no reason or right to do it, either.

What is nefarious about sitting working at a table naked where genitals can't be seen, and covering up with a towel when he moves around?

If you’re standing on a well placed bin to see into someone else’s garden with no reason, maybe you’re asking to see things you shouldn’t.

Now we see the photos, I was imagining tiny new builds jammed together, it all looks quite spacious.
OP is fixating on these people who sound like they’re pretty normal with general family living.
If you don’t want anyone possibly looking in your garden whilst balls are flying(not footballs) move to the middle of nowhere!

Isn't the point that they can't see OP's husband without deliberately climbing up to look over the tall fence?

I think had you experienced what I wrote about yourself, your (and other people’s) opinion on it would be somewhat different. However, I understand that it is difficult to imagine what something is like without actually being there, much like picturing treeless yards behind endless rows of back to back overlooked shoe box houses instead of what we have. It’s actually quite an unusually garden. We are in the corner of a cul de sac (no puns intended), and so the garden is quite long but thin, and lined with trees blocking out all but the one window.

We’ve spent thousands on our garden and won’t be moving, but advice about raising the fence where they were seen has been taken on board and I will be getting that done asap. Not because we wonder around nude all the time, but because I just don’t like the thought of being spied on.

if you live in close proximity to others their is going to be some noise (depends on time and level )if thats unreasonable.
To complain abour children playing with toys in their garden that sometimes come over your fence makes you seem unreasonable too.
The complaint about children cycling round your car at the front seems reasonable .
As for working naked where children may see you that is a NO! Where some light clothes.
Some people are more sensitive to noise than others and it seems you are so perhaps consider moving to a more peaceful location because if people arent doing anything unlawful its difficult to get them them to be more considerate if they don't want to.
Harrasment ? No.

I really do appreciate the opinions. I didn’t come here to be sided with or be applauded. I don’t think anyone is the perfect neighbour, and yes, we all make noise. I just think people that have three children and a dog are much better versed at coping with that. I have made a rod for my own back for not talking to these people in the first instance, but it is easier to be passive aggressive behind a fence than it is to talk to someone who you feel has wronged you. They don’t like us because the children’s things came over here and we didn’t just throw it back, but they never came and asked us for it. They didn’t even shout and ask us. It just went silent.

They talk to other neighbours and ask for their ball back. We’ve not been unapproachable. We let them use our drive while they were having their garage converted. I guess I was just expecting not to be greeted with so much ignorance over something that they had all the power in the world to prevent.

Quite apart from that, using a laptop outside on a bright sunny day is almost impossible. Most screens aren't high powered enough.

OP, they are your neighbours and they have children. They have a legal right to enjoy their property which means their children can play in their garden, they can bang doors, and do DIY between 7am and 11am. That is normal domestic noise and is a typical part of semi-detached living.

If you want to protect your car, put a fence down the side of your drive, and a gate across the front.

Or you could move to a detached house with more space around it. Or to an older semi with thicker walls and better sound proofing.