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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel harassed by neighbours' children and their parents?

176 replies

Anto2024 · 11/07/2026 14:30

Long story warning.

I've spent the past five years with my partner in our new home, and suffice to say things started well, but in recent years I feel like our sanity has been stripped away one incident after another.

It started with what some parents on this site seem to think is "the inevitable and acceptable influx of toys" of various kinds being launched into the garden which at first I politely returned and heard no, "thank you!" or "sorry!". When I saw the mother of the children literally encouraging activities that increased the likelihood of toys being thrown into the garden, I stopped returning them as a protest.

At that point, toys were less frequent, but balls started to be kicked at the fence and doors in their new garage conversion started to be slammed. I didn't know if they knew how thin their walls were, so I put some music on loud just to give them a hint, and the banging got worse. Some friends were visiting and were in the garden and the banging started. Our friend said "Blimey, that is loud!", and then we heard knocking. They'd heard what he said and went in the house to purposely knock on their wall. I paid them a visit later that week, as my partner was working in his study and I could hear the banging from the other end of the garden. The father just lied to my face and said he couldn't hear any banging. Gaslighting at its finest.

Lost, and not sure what else we could do, we had a conversation discussing a solicitor, and it was either a coincidence, or they heard me, but the very next day, there was some drilling and the banging stopped from then on. I did later learn that the grandfather of the children had fallen seriously ill and was now living at the house, so I don't think the banging stopped for entirely (or at all) our benefit. The bangs of balls on the fence continued, but at least the banging that rattled through our entire house had stopped.

Out the front of the house our drives are next to one another with no separation, and they've always just let the children cycle all about the place, including over our drive when it was empty, but when I bought myself a car, they continued to cycle and scooter around their own car, squeezing through the gap next to the car I now have on my drive. The parents obviously haven't thought a second about my property, or that it might not be appropriate to let them do that. I've just kept the thought in my mind that the camera I have pointing at my car would capture any incident, should it occur, but it's not the point. I'm sat waiting constantly now, instead of balls to fly over and damage my garden, for a child to dent my car.

Yesterday they were stood on a bin by the fence staring at my partner who was working at the outdoor dining table naked because it was so hot, and he told them to go away, as you would, with our privacy being so completely breached for no reason at all.

I appreciate that kids will be kids and accidents will happen, but there is a certain level of cause and effect that is often completely ignored in situations like this. I haven't imagined having to change the way I can use my space or how stressed I am with a sense of PTSD waiting for the next slam.

At what point does this stop being innocent and a misunderstanding and become harassment. The parents haven't said a word to us about anything, even though it's clear there is an issue, and they seem happy to egg the children on to be as annoying as possible. Am I missing something, because I thought that teaching a child some boundaries and to respect other people and their property would be important if you cared at all about how they will behave later in life?

OP posts:
HortiGal · Yesterday 10:53

@Anto2024you do come across as rigid and paranoid that’s it’s all aimed at you, it’s normal family living.
The not throwing stuff back because they didn’t ask is just odd, your neighbours no doubt think you’re a pair of stuck up oddballs. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, then this is life, anything comes over I chuck it back, stop analysing everything and chill out and wear clothes outside.
Id love to see the neighbours post 👀

Anto2024 · Yesterday 11:17

HortiGal · Yesterday 10:53

@Anto2024you do come across as rigid and paranoid that’s it’s all aimed at you, it’s normal family living.
The not throwing stuff back because they didn’t ask is just odd, your neighbours no doubt think you’re a pair of stuck up oddballs. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, then this is life, anything comes over I chuck it back, stop analysing everything and chill out and wear clothes outside.
Id love to see the neighbours post 👀

The concept that I’m considered odd because I feel a little put out having to collect someone else’s things from my garden and return them before I can enjoy the space myself is exactly the kind of entitled nonsense that I absolutely loathe about people today. It’s clearly possible for them not to litter my garden. It’s just a shame that they had to learn not to do it through fear of losing their toys instead of being told to be careful by their parents.

Hey. Sometimes we have to learn lessons the hard way, and I don’t feel bad about teaching that one.

OP posts:
Anto2024 · Yesterday 11:41

HortiGal · Yesterday 10:53

@Anto2024you do come across as rigid and paranoid that’s it’s all aimed at you, it’s normal family living.
The not throwing stuff back because they didn’t ask is just odd, your neighbours no doubt think you’re a pair of stuck up oddballs. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, then this is life, anything comes over I chuck it back, stop analysing everything and chill out and wear clothes outside.
Id love to see the neighbours post 👀

The neighbours post would probably say,

“My arsehole stuck up odd ball neighbours didn’t return little Johnnys shit we taught him to throw and kick into the air in our very surrounded garden, so we now bang our doors, encourage the kids to kick the ball at the fence and cycle within a few millimetres of their car to teach them a lesson.

I know I’m not being unreasonable because I’m a parent and my bastard brood can do whatever the fuck it wants and to hell with anyone else!”

OP posts:
Winefride · Yesterday 11:53

Sereine · Yesterday 09:26

What is nefarious about sitting working at a table naked where genitals can't be seen, and covering up with a towel when he moves around?

If I have to explain it, then we're not going to be able to have a conversation where we see eye to eye. You have your thoughts and I have mine.

SunnyRedSnail · Yesterday 11:55

@Anto2024 addressing the issues individually...

Firstly, to stop them looking over, put some trellis up on the fence (if it is your fence).

Secondly, ignore the banging. The more you complain, the more they will do it as they know it's winding you up. they're clearly dull people who have nothing better to do.

Finally, if your deeds don't mention a right of way over each other's drive ways, then you can put some sort of chain fence in the middle but on your side to stop them riding the bikes across. Or planters. It depends how much space there is.

Purchasing a semi with a shared drive is always a risk.

Winefride · Yesterday 11:56

Anto2024 · Yesterday 09:22

Another one all to happy to call someone a pervert in not so many words. If you’ve read all 100 and something comments to check people agree with you, you might have seen the pictures of my beautiful garden, and how not overlooked it is. My neighbours’ children have been told if they make a habit of being peeping toms the police will be called, because, funnily enough, we don’t want them looking in our garden for any reason, and they have no reason or right to do it, either.

I don't really know what to say. You put your situation out here for advice and opinions and then pretend to be surprised when they are offered. The world isn't a clone or a mirror. We're all going to have thoughts and feelings and they will be expressed when invited. I like how you put the responsibility of not looking onto children instead of putting the responsibility on you, as adults, on yourselves by not giving them anything to look at. Like I said, nefarious. I stand by my statement. It's not up for debate. Whatever you're seeking here, best of luck. You won't find validation from me.

HortiGal · Yesterday 11:57

You’re imagining this is their attitude because you’re now fixated on them and interpreting everything as aimed at you when it’s not.
Balls coming over happens, encouraging them to see how high they can throw isn’t with the intention of going in your garden.
Put a fence up to protect your car or some plant some berberis.
Your line of thinking is paranoid.

Anto2024 · Yesterday 12:00

Winefride · Yesterday 11:53

If I have to explain it, then we're not going to be able to have a conversation where we see eye to eye. You have your thoughts and I have mine.

Maybe you and my neighbours can mind their own business about what we do in our garden. I could put a chair next to the fence and look into their garden if I wanted to but I don’t because I don’t have the right to invade their privacy. The children’s parents are responsible for what they let their children do, and if they let their children climb on bins or chairs or boxes next to their fence that’s a them problem. We aren’t existing for them, sweetie. We aren’t waiting for them. I think you don’t understand, not the other way around.

OP posts:
Winefride · Yesterday 12:01

Anto2024 · Yesterday 12:00

Maybe you and my neighbours can mind their own business about what we do in our garden. I could put a chair next to the fence and look into their garden if I wanted to but I don’t because I don’t have the right to invade their privacy. The children’s parents are responsible for what they let their children do, and if they let their children climb on bins or chairs or boxes next to their fence that’s a them problem. We aren’t existing for them, sweetie. We aren’t waiting for them. I think you don’t understand, not the other way around.

I understand perfectly. All the best.

DidYeAye16 · Yesterday 12:14

Your garden wasn't what I was imagining and is really private. Id block off the bit they looked over and put a fence or wall up the middle of your drives and then both issues are resolved, now the banging and toy throwing has stopped already things should be more peaceful for you.

Edited to add, if my children were climbing on something to look in someone's garden and I seen them. They'd be told to get down right now and never do that again.

Friendlygingercat · Yesterday 12:15

Working naked is liberating. I am sitting here naked (apart from flip flops) as I write this, But my blinds are closed and I live alone. I don't answer the door unless someone expected and I have a ring doorbell and cctv so I can see who it is and carry on a conversation without being seen. If your DH is going to work naked then its not a good idea to do so where people (and small children in particular) can see him.

As for the toys I would have gathered them in a heap and simply put them outside "available for collection" at some random time when any passing kids might have taken a fancy to them. This is what happened when my NDNs grandkids got balls over the fence. They quickly learned that I don't answer the door and I am not a ball repository. At the same time I cant be accused of keeping the balls.

Anto2024 · Yesterday 12:15

Winefride · Yesterday 11:56

I don't really know what to say. You put your situation out here for advice and opinions and then pretend to be surprised when they are offered. The world isn't a clone or a mirror. We're all going to have thoughts and feelings and they will be expressed when invited. I like how you put the responsibility of not looking onto children instead of putting the responsibility on you, as adults, on yourselves by not giving them anything to look at. Like I said, nefarious. I stand by my statement. It's not up for debate. Whatever you're seeking here, best of luck. You won't find validation from me.

You will notice I say their parents are responsible. They are adults. They should know better. I repeat one of my first comments that he wasn’t laying spread eagled with his balls pointing towards the fence. He was sat with his lower half under a table. I don’t expect you to agree or have your validation. You’re clearly more crackers than me deciding to put some kind of perverted spin on this, riding some kind of moral high ground. Well good for you! Have the day you deserve!

OP posts:
neilyoungismyhero · Yesterday 12:15

I would either move as other posters suggested or plant a quick growing hedge next to the back fence. I'd also put a smallish wrought iron fence along the boundary of the front area as you're concerned about your car.

Neighbour disputes are awful

Friendlygingercat · Yesterday 12:18

Neighbour disputes can also be fun. You can wind them up no end in ways that they dont know (or cant prove) its you.

Anto2024 · Yesterday 12:19

Friendlygingercat · Yesterday 12:18

Neighbour disputes can also be fun. You can wind them up no end in ways that they dont know (or cant prove) its you.

I think they would guess who it was quite quickly. What’s the point.

OP posts:
CleaningWoes · Yesterday 13:20

ShutupLwren · 11/07/2026 19:03

Absolutely not the point of this thread but a few years ago (luckily a different house to the one we’re in now) a neighbour a few doors down kindly took in a parcel for me.
My eldest and I went to collect it and I thanked him, had a polite few sentences and left. My DC as we’re walking down his path says, “mum, his actual dick was out” I’m saying “shush don’t be daft”, and neighbour is in the window waving to us and I look down and yep, cock and balls all just on display. To make matters worse I’d even stroked his dog stood next to him, imagine if I’d missed and patted his bollocks or something?! Anyway sorry to derail.

I roared at this! So many questions! How did you not notice it?!

CleaningWoes · Yesterday 13:21

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 11/07/2026 20:10

If he asked you did you want to pet his cocker spaniel, I'm so glad you picked the spaniel.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

ShutupLwren · Yesterday 14:13

CleaningWoes · Yesterday 13:20

I roared at this! So many questions! How did you not notice it?!

I don’t even know 😂 But he had no pants at all on. I’d have probably waved back and not noticed if my son hadn’t pointed out his penis just hanging out. He is quite a large chap, maybe I just thought he had his belly out or something and didn’t double take? Im clutching at straws here but I genuinely didn’t see it, despite giving his dog a stroke. Not a euphemism!
I’m not the most observant person but I’d like to think I’m not that daft I’d not notice half naked man in front of me, yet here we are 😂

Rubyupbeat · Yesterday 14:48

Your husband is disgusting knowing that children could see him. Unless you have several acres to hide away in, then being naked in an overlooked garden is dodgy behaviour

HortiGal · Yesterday 15:22

@ShutupLwrenstroking the spaniel will now have new meaning🤣🤣🤣
MN is so odd, somebody posted earlier in week about neighbours and friends having naked hot tub get togethers and her young son had seen them and she was shut down and called a prude, nosey etc and so what they can do what they like.
If there’s any chance of being seen don’t be naked.

ShutupLwren · Yesterday 15:29

HortiGal · Yesterday 15:22

@ShutupLwrenstroking the spaniel will now have new meaning🤣🤣🤣
MN is so odd, somebody posted earlier in week about neighbours and friends having naked hot tub get togethers and her young son had seen them and she was shut down and called a prude, nosey etc and so what they can do what they like.
If there’s any chance of being seen don’t be naked.

I grab a hoodie to answer the door if I don’t have a bra on. The naked ones among us have confidence I can only dream of 😂😂

Anto2024 · Yesterday 17:06

Rubyupbeat · Yesterday 14:48

Your husband is disgusting knowing that children could see him. Unless you have several acres to hide away in, then being naked in an overlooked garden is dodgy behaviour

They couldn’t see the bits that matter, and ordinarily they can’t see at all. Do you and any of the other people accusing us of being perverts know that it isn’t against the law to be naked in your garden, and only becomes an offence if you are doing it harass or cause others distress? Well neither of those things are the case and nobody saw him naked, so frankly I think you all need to calm down.

OP posts:
Tableforjoan · Yesterday 18:04

If you’ve got to climb on a bin and look over a fence to see your neighbour naked your a peeping tom.

maxslice · Yesterday 18:35

DidYeAye16 · Yesterday 12:14

Your garden wasn't what I was imagining and is really private. Id block off the bit they looked over and put a fence or wall up the middle of your drives and then both issues are resolved, now the banging and toy throwing has stopped already things should be more peaceful for you.

Edited to add, if my children were climbing on something to look in someone's garden and I seen them. They'd be told to get down right now and never do that again.

Edited

I must be the only person on here to think it’s dangerous for children to be standing on the bins at all. They could fall and get seriously hurt. Not to mention being scarred by seeing the husband naked. Also? Doesn’t the husband sweat and stick to seat? Get a sunburn on his nethers? Agree with other posters that loose boxers or shorts would actually be better.

Tableforjoan · Yesterday 19:18

@Anto2024 I do take it you don’t have slatted chairs however as there have been rare cases where cool balls drop Through and then become trapped once warmed up again and scared. And erm yeah not nice. Some a towel if they are.

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