AIBU to be upset by my partner talking about craving younger women?

[Frenchlady14]

My DP and I have been together for six years - we met on a dating site although we knew each other because we live in the same area and have some same friends. He is a year older than me and we are in our sixties = we don't live together but see each other at least once during the week and every weekend. I think I look ok for my age and we make a nice couple. Anyway he has made some comments in the past about me being lucky he doesn't have a mid-life crisis and 'chase younger women' and I said if that is what he wants to do - then go for it! These kind of remarks do annoy me a bit but generally he's a great boyfriend.

But yesterday evening - kind of out of nowhere when we were having a quick drink - he looked at me and said that he could really understand how men of his age can crave a younger women. I got really upset and told him to go home - he thinks I'm overreacting - am I?

He’s obviously incredibly insecure, OP. He can see that you are settled and happy, and as much as he likes/loves you, people like that just can’t help themselves. You meet them in all walks of life and relationships, doesn’t have to be romantic ones. They have to get a little dig in here and there, knock you down a peg or two. Unfortunately for him, this has backfired spectacularly.

Well I'm late 50's and with the exception of Mr Pitt and Mr Clooney, don't "crave" men of his vintage.

Crave is a gross word in the context too. 🤢

To me, reading this, it’s the use of the word “crave” as well.

As though a. Women were some sort of food,
drink or inanimate object, or an experience rather than a person, and b. It was some sort of physiological need, like when pregnant women crave a food, or you crave a nutrient you’re lacking in, or someone might crave solitude when they’re overwhelmed.

You can’t crave a section of the population to have sex with. Either an age group or a any other characteristic of person.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing thanks for putting your finger on why that word is just so ick. It’s exactly that - “woman as object”

At least desire, fancy etc are human-to-human words, but “crave” makes it so much worse.

I wouldnt be upset, I'd be single!

Ugh. I wouldn't get past this and it sounds like before too long you could be in Nurse territory with an old perv and wondering wtf happened.

And he’s an Adonis is he? He sounds a right charmer . Definitely bin him OP. I’m sorry he’s such a prick

True! Show the stupid old goat a mirror!

If he's getting on in years and poor, he's going to need a wonderful personality to snag a lovely young woman. What a shame he's lacking on all fronts.

Whilst it’s a small pattern…a comment or two annually…it’s an egregious comment. In and of their own each comment is a reason to say/think this relationship is over.

there is so much on Instagram now showing quite older men marrying quite younger woman with full on wedding dress and veil. Most but not all of these men are exceptionally well groomed dressed muscularly defined with a full head of hair. The woman is always beautiful. Then there is the spoof IG which shows the same woman attending his funeral in her fabulous black dress and red soled stilettos. It seems fantasist at best on both parts.

I think he simply said out loud what a lot of men think privately, but are sensible enough not to voice. I am now often finding myself in an environment where many men in their 50s and 60s, most of them married with children and even grandchildren, suddenly found themselves surrounded by much younger women who were very keen to settle down. Sadly, I can't say I know a single relationship that survived that exposure. For a while, it felt like there was news of another breakup almost every week.

I think you've strayed into 'nurse with a purse' territory, OP.

No, you are not. First of all, it’s gross and rude. Secondly, it’s manipulative. He’s trying to show you how lucky you are to have him when he could “easily” be with some 23 year old babe. But no, probably not. As you say, he is insecure. And childish. Disrespectful. He’s not worth your time. He’s creepy. Tell him he’s giving pedophile vibes and goodbye.

Come on OP. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single, it is vastly preferable to being with a letchy smarm who your friends think is clingy (I promise you they are being polite, and actually think he's an arse).

Between 20 and 30, probably, give or take.

My view of men has changed dramatically over the last few years. I've come to believe that, if a significantly younger woman were genuinely available, the overwhelming majority of men would jump to that opportunity, regardless of how much their wife had sacrificed for them over the years. Some of the stories I've seen are genuinely hair raising.

The moment a 25-year-old gives the green light, the 55-year-old wife becomes genuinely invisible.

I am assuming he looks like a 21 year old hunk?

That’s not what I meant and you know it.

Absolutely not. Definitely not. That’s awful behaviour. You’re worth more than that. Never allow a man to make you feel like this. This is horrid

Yuck. You should have said “yeah, I’d love me a hunk of a younger bloke sometimes”.

Of course it's what you meant and you don't like being called out about it.
And you know it.

🤢

You know 20-30 men aged 60± with girlfriends in their 20s? I find that incredibly difficult to believe. I dont know any and live in a big city and have a wide range of work and social contacts. I can't even imagine why a young woman would want to date someone older than their dad and if they did im sure they'd soon get bored of them.

What on earth makes him think a younger woman would be interested in him??

You know 20 - 30 poor old men with much younger girlfriends?

Yeah. Sounds like BS to me too.