AIBU to be upset by my partner talking about craving younger women?

[Frenchlady14]

My DP and I have been together for six years - we met on a dating site although we knew each other because we live in the same area and have some same friends. He is a year older than me and we are in our sixties = we don't live together but see each other at least once during the week and every weekend. I think I look ok for my age and we make a nice couple. Anyway he has made some comments in the past about me being lucky he doesn't have a mid-life crisis and 'chase younger women' and I said if that is what he wants to do - then go for it! These kind of remarks do annoy me a bit but generally he's a great boyfriend.

But yesterday evening - kind of out of nowhere when we were having a quick drink - he looked at me and said that he could really understand how men of his age can crave a younger women. I got really upset and told him to go home - he thinks I'm overreacting - am I?

I know. I've lived it.

I wasn't talking decades older, but women are generally still more mature than their same age peers.

I've always dated 10 years older since having a child at 20. Dating another 20 year old felt ludicrous.

I wasn't trying to pull a pensioner.

I usually like to give people the benefit of the doubt but that's totally unacceptable OP.

Not only is it crass to come out with a comment like that to you but the fact he's a 60 odd year old man who thinks its okay to letch at much younger women reflects really badly on him.

Is he one of those deluded men who believes 'he's still got it' in the eyes of younger women?

You deserve someone much better OP.

But what you said was incorrect as the data does not support it.

Urrrggghhhhh...creep

Gross

It sounds like the mask is slipping. He uses you for what you provide for him but really wants a younger woman. He's settling in his eyes.

Ok, dude. Those old guys perving on the young women are ew.

But yesterday evening - kind of out of nowhere when we were having a quick drink - he looked at me and said that he could really understand how men of his age can crave a younger women. I got really upset and told him to go home - he thinks I'm overreacting - am I?

So he looked at you, had a thought and said it.

You are underreacting. I too think it is negging, based on your updates. Regardless of what motivates these comments, he has shown himself to be someone you should not share your life with.

I would end it and not look back.

He is an idiot. Honestly life is too short for this kind of nonsense. He is lucky to have you full stop. And if he doesn’t appreciate that fact, you wish him farewell. He is delusional if he thinks younger womem are clamouring for men his age. I mean what is he expecting you to say in response to that comment? “Oh yes, I completely understand you craving younger women, sorry you are stuck with me. I am so lucky you bestow attention on me instead of all these lovely young women”.
What an utter fool. Your partner should build you up, not pull you down. Move on and move up. You deserve better.

Get rid

pretending that women with an older partner can only be gold-diggers, because that was what the post meant, yes, very much insulting.

Not to worry. Not relevant here, is it.

why was that even mentioned and needed to be called out?
It's always relevant to call out people for being bullies.

Dump him. Bad enough that he's looking past what he's very fortunate to have at what he hasn't at chance of. Worse that he's told you in order to make you feel insecure and as though you're the lucky one. You are not.

How many 60 something men living in a cheap flat on minimum wage do you know with attractive young girlfriends?

Pick up your phone, go on Instagram and when he asks why the same song keeps playing make sure it’s a young, fit man on your screen! 😆
Most young women aren’t after old men either unless they’re loaded! He’s an idiot! Though I do wonder if most men think this way to be honest. I’m currently working with an almost 70 year old who thinks he’s got a chance.

Well done for sending him packing, start going out with your girlfriends and put him on the back burner for a bit!

He is revolting. How could you ever trust him again when he is openly leching on other women. Ick. Bin this creepy dirty old man off..doesnt sound like fidelity or respect for women are things that he prioritises.

He seems to keep it well hidden - he is always telling me how lucky he is and how he appreciates everything I do for him - it's weird as my friends think he is a bit clingy (as do I sometimes) - and it has been the same all though almost six years. He hates to argue and takes things really badly if we are at odds with each other - BUT this seems like a mask that slips from time to time. I definitely don't need him as much as he needs me. I have friends and my daughter lives close by and I see her at least once a week. I read things on here and think that I would never put up with some of the stuff that goes on and I wonder if in fact I am? We are very similar in a lot of ways, but to have our relationship diminished to me not being young enough? When he said it, my immediate though was 'oh F**k, I'm not going to be able to get past this one'. It's like a death blow to our relationship in one stupid stupid comment - especially as he knows how badly I took the last ones and told him so.

I'm going to go no contact which is a big thing seeing as we usually talk/text several times a day. I need to get my head around it all and won't see him or talk to him for a while. I suspect this is really it. Honestly, how stupid are some men, how entitled and shallow?

I think a lot of men think about younger women, but to actually voice that to your same age partner is idiotic, crass and bad mannered. I suppose you could train him out of it (blurting out every thought with no filter) but why bother, who can be arsed? Unless he is some tall, tanned, silver fox with a yacht, why would you.

You mention you feel you are good looking but it has now knocked your confidence. One thing about reaching your age, or it should be, is that you no longer need the validation from any man. You can’t help ageing, neither can he. Trouble is, men are very basic, there isn’t much to them, most of them can hide it, but not for long. When you are younger hormones blind you to it, but when those hormones fall away, you see them for what they are. So, let this basic bloke drift away on a sea of medical issues and lack of language skills, and do not let his little fantasies affect your confidence.

I genuinely though I'd found one of the good ones after a 35 year marriage with a controlling, heavy drinking mysoginist.

He also said if we ever broke up - it would be it for him as he felt lucky to have found me (as I did him). It's a really shitty situation that I didn't expect to be in.

I don't know ANY man of any age living in a cheap flat on minimum wage 😂

He sounds like an absolute charmer. Creep.

😂 Nice one.

Youre doing the right thing by going no contact. He sounds like a clingy creepy lecher. Youve seen the mask slipping and showing you the repulsive creep underneath.

Has he suddenly discovered negging? Dump his ass.

Doesn’t matter that he didn’t mean himself, he still says he can see why they crave it. Grim! So he’s obsessed with you but still naking comments like this.. he’s negging you. Making you insecure and feel grateful for him so you’ll never leave him.