AIBU to not let in laws use my villa for free in peak season?

[dilwithvil]

I have a villa in Europe by the beach that I own independently of my husband. It’s effectively a high-end Airbnb in a very popular area and is usually fully booked from mid May until late September. It’s one of my income streams (I’m a SAHM but I manage several investments/assets, and this is part of my income). My husband also earns a very good salary, for full context, but all of “my spending” (coffee with a friend, make up, clothes, dentist) is paid by me from this income. I earn more than my husband.

My in-laws would like to use the villa for a week in peak season for free. My view is that peak season is when the villa earns money. If I block out a week for them, I’m not just “sharing a holiday home”, I’m giving up a week’s rental income.

I’ve said they’re very welcome to use it either in low season, when bookings are much quieter, or at very short notice if a peak-season booking unexpectedly cancels (which almost never happens).

They’re unhappy with this because they want to be able to plan a holiday well in advance, and they don’t want to go in low season because the weather is less reliable. Even if they paid half the market rate this is more than they would usually pay for a holiday, so they don’t want to pay that either.

For context, my parents do occasionally use the villa in peak season. The villa ultimately came from my side of the family (family money/early inheritance), so I don’t really see that as the same thing. Without them, there wouldn’t be a villa in the first place.

Also, while I get on reasonably well with my in-laws, I wouldn’t choose to holiday with them for a week or two, so inviting them while we’re there isn’t really something I want to do either.

AIBU for saying that if they want to use it in peak season, they should either pay the market rate (or even half), or go in low season? Or should family simply be allowed to use it for free regardless of the income I’d be giving up?

I can see this from both angles. I think they are cheeky to ask and assume you will give the week for nothing. They probably see your parents going and think they should be afforded the same grace. Do they know you have the property due to your parents inheritance?

My question is, would they expect this every summer, if you said yes on this occasion? If it was a one off, I’d probably let it go, but my concern would be them expecting it every year and/or adding other ‘relatives’ into the mix - the neighbours’ sisters’ girlfriends budgie…

You sound truly mean spirited .

some things in life are simply worth more than their material value. And I can guarantee if it was reversed and your husband owned the villa and wouldn’t let your parents go you’d be on here complaining about what a shit he was and everyone would be agreeing with you,

you’ve not had to work hard and save to buy this place - it’s a gift - and you can afford it. Mean.

Could you imagine if the husband didn’t let his wife’s parents use it? There would be uproar

Do you think if they were the ones who had the house, they'd let you have a week? Would they allow you to use it with your friends for a break, for example?

For example, we leave for a week in the north of Scotland tomorrow. Peak season. My mum gifted us the week (she manages all the porperties). But she also gifted my in-laws a week in the adjoining house so that they can benefit. If it was my in-laws who had the accomodation, they would gift my parents the same. Because it doesn't put anyone out, no one's livelihood depends on it and we're a part of a family who want nice things for each other.

I think what you’ve offered is more than generous - I wouldn’t give my in-laws (or even my close friends) a cash gift in the 1000s, which is the equivalent of what they are asking. I would to my parents because they passed on my grandparents inheritance directly to us children which was in the 6 figures. It didn’t come with strings but I have a strong sense of gratitude and I will help them out where I can.

The in-laws may be put out at the so called lack of fairness, but they are not in equal situations. It is not choosing one set of parents over the other, it is showing appropriate appreciation to the people who made it possible.

I think people comparing this income with a weeks work are being unrealistic. You have this income through an accident of birth. Your family enabled you to buy the villa and you are fortunate. If you don't want to share that luck with your husband's family that's okay but own this decision. You don't like them much and don't want to. I do find wealthy people incredibly tight... I suppose that's how they hang on to their money.

If they don’t want the cheap holiday in May I’ll take it!

Would I gift my in-laws a week’s holiday? Absolutely. But my husband and I share finances, they’ve always been generous with me and they love my kids intensely. So this is all quite different.

You and your husband don’t share finances, you both manage your own incomes and you don’t have the sort of close relationship with your in-laws others might expect. Your husband needs to back you up here if he isn’t willing to pay the difference. Also their whining about it would really put me off so I’d be even less inclined to gift them anything.

It's purely the optics don't you think @dilwithvil?

In peak season it's yes, to your parents but no, to your husband's parents

You can afford to absorb the cost, albeit a fewer dresses and coffees with your friends.

Whilst financially you are not being unreasonable, these are you husband's parents, your children's grandparents not just some randoms.

If it were a one off, would you be more amenable or are you completely intransigent because they're just your in-laws?

Why?

We have a holiday let in Europe, not high end, but revenue generating for sure. Friends and family have always known it's dirt cheap for them off season (basically to cover costs of cleaning and utilities etc.), full price for high season. I have treated my parents to a week off season to celebrate a big birthday, but i offered, they would never ask or expect, and even then they kept trying to insist on making a contribution to the cleaning etc. We've had the same with holiday properties of friends etc. When offered we are very happy and grateful, and we make sure they are not out of pocket, but would never ever expect it. I don't understand how anybody has the brass neck to ask for and expect a gift of this magnitude, and be picky about the peak week etc. Really surprised at some of the people here saying you sound mean.

We once had our new house ready before our current flat was fully sold. I am very far from well off. We still let my partner's mother use the new house before we were ready to move in. Didn't think to charge her a penny. Yes, there was no income loss as such, but we didn't even ask her for money for the utilities she was using, as she was really down on her luck at the time.

Especially as you say you inherited the villa and didn't actually pay for it yourself, yes I would let them use it. Why's it OK for your family to use it, and not your husband's?

Nonsense. Irrelevant whose parents they are asking to use someone’s holiday home in peak season for free is absolutely outrageous to pretty much every normal person. Her parents actually bought the villa so that’s a very very different dynamic.

If I were your mother in law, I think I'd rather have a fortnight in a tent in Blackpool than take anything off you.

The optics of the husband expecting his wife to entirely fund a freebie for his parents aren't amazing really.

I love my in laws and we have a genuine, kind enjoyable relationship so I’d not think twice. You don’t seem to feel that way about your in laws, so it comes down to the fact you don’t like them very much. That’s fine and you probably have you reasons.

Sorry my comment was to the poster saying if the posters sexes were reversed there would be different answers.

Not letting your in laws use it when your parents do is pretty nasty. Surely your in laws are part of your family too? You sound very grasping.

I would feel differently if you had made it clear that you rely on this money for day-to-day living and can't afford the hit. You have been super clear that it's a few outfits and dinners. And you prioritise that over offering generosity to your husband's family.

Well it's tricky really as it is stingy and mean for them to know your own family go but not them.
But it is your income and DH should be supporting this. Why is your income higher than him, is he a low earner or are you just quite high? You really should have shared finances being married.

They definitely need to pay something so they don't expect it for free every year.. so maybe the same amount they'd usually pay but for 5/7 days in term time September.

Depending on where in Europe October is still usually hot and enjoyable, especially in Spain. Are they well travelled and know this?

DH needs to explain its family income and you budget the rest of your year to need it and rebook year in advance so these weeks work best/are available for them.

i Think there’s a bit of being unreasonable on both sides. Your in laws should never expect it for free because they can’t afford it and think even reduced rate is too much! They’re lucky to get a reduced rate, but it’s also a bit mean I guess of you as well but I dunno im more on your side than theirs.

thing is as we if you don’t it once tbey come to expect it!

We have a holiday home and can understand this situation. We've had family and friends expecting mates rates during peak season. The holoday home is owned by my Mum so I let her decide on what she charges.
I think your PIL have been naive re. Costs of booking. However do you want to risk causing tension between you and them? I suppose it depends on how much you need them, so they babysit, do school pick ups, visit often or not?

I think it's quite cheeky and selfish of you to let your own parents use it whenever they like but not his. Especially as you say you both have very large incomes.

Oh look, some new bookings just came in OP. You're booked solid now.

You're make a huge assumption that if she can go with out £1,000 she can go without £2,000. And then to say it's mean spiritied if she doesn't is ... mean. Her husband needs to put his hand in his pocket for his parents, like she does for hers.

The optics of a husband expecting both sets of parents to be treated equally is fine to me

she want he DH to pay her on their behalf ? Even though she has more free cash ?