AIBU to not let in laws use my villa for free in peak season?

[dilwithvil]

I have a villa in Europe by the beach that I own independently of my husband. It’s effectively a high-end Airbnb in a very popular area and is usually fully booked from mid May until late September. It’s one of my income streams (I’m a SAHM but I manage several investments/assets, and this is part of my income). My husband also earns a very good salary, for full context, but all of “my spending” (coffee with a friend, make up, clothes, dentist) is paid by me from this income. I earn more than my husband.

My in-laws would like to use the villa for a week in peak season for free. My view is that peak season is when the villa earns money. If I block out a week for them, I’m not just “sharing a holiday home”, I’m giving up a week’s rental income.

I’ve said they’re very welcome to use it either in low season, when bookings are much quieter, or at very short notice if a peak-season booking unexpectedly cancels (which almost never happens).

They’re unhappy with this because they want to be able to plan a holiday well in advance, and they don’t want to go in low season because the weather is less reliable. Even if they paid half the market rate this is more than they would usually pay for a holiday, so they don’t want to pay that either.

For context, my parents do occasionally use the villa in peak season. The villa ultimately came from my side of the family (family money/early inheritance), so I don’t really see that as the same thing. Without them, there wouldn’t be a villa in the first place.

Also, while I get on reasonably well with my in-laws, I wouldn’t choose to holiday with them for a week or two, so inviting them while we’re there isn’t really something I want to do either.

AIBU for saying that if they want to use it in peak season, they should either pay the market rate (or even half), or go in low season? Or should family simply be allowed to use it for free regardless of the income I’d be giving up?

"Sharing something you have is not the exact equivalent of giving (or demanding) a substantial gift"

In this case it is though. Your statement would be accurate if this was an empty holiday villa that was simply for personal use. That would be sharing something you have. Offering very cheap rates (so you're not making an actual loss) on a rented property off season is also sharing something you have.

Losing thousands of your own money so somebody else can have a high end holiday, because the compromise you offered wasn't good enough....that is well beyond sharing something you have, and OP drawing a line at this unwillingness of her ILs to compromise is absolutely not why the world is so shit at the moment.

Are you listening to yourself?

You expect FREE holidays from everybody like that? How does it work in real life?

Are you always that generous with other people money, or just on that thread?

This thread is a cornucopia of people who say they're doing a reverse of the sexes and aren't. The OP contributes the home they live in and all childcare of 3 children, so the odds are he's funding less than her.

Personally, I'm surprised he won't show some generosity to his own parents when OP has agreed to pay half the costs of their free holiday. He's got no housing or childcare to worry about after all, but he's refusing to either have a conversation with them about the issue or pay the costs resulting from his refusal.

@dilwithvil could your in-laws afford the holiday, could they afford to give you all the assets you seem to have been gifted from your parents?

The investments you manage how did you get them?

Oh such bollocks.

I was a SAHM decades back for some time and the 'providing free childcare for my H' was never a thought that crossed my mind.

She isn't so much as SAHM as a parent who combines working from home with young children.

What expenses is she covering?

I voted YANBU as you are well within your rights and they are acting entitled and rude. The suggestion to ask your husband to cover your costs is a good point too, and the fact that he won’t is important context. I wavered a bit on the fact that your parents can stay there in high season, but it’s a totally different situation since it was or could have been their property.

Still, the fact that you can afford to let your parents stay there (even though you have to) tells me there is room in your overheads, and losing the income presumably won’t cripple you. I would also factor in the value of doing a really kind thing for someone, and honestly, getting them off your back. I would be inclined to do it, just once (with clear boundaries about no repeats), and take the hit. They are family. No, you shouldn’t have to, but it would be a very kind and generous thing to do. Though I do think your husband should contribute at least half of your lost costs. Do they have a big birthday or anniversary coming up any time - could it be a gift from you both?

This all sounds like nonsense to me.

OP, life is too short for all this. Stop going on about 'your money.' You are married and you have children with your husband. Really, just get over all this money-hoarding and have joint finances. All your money will go the same way anyway. You can still buy your outfits and coffees out and whatever. What difference does it make?

'Your' property is also 'his' because you are married!

So just let them have it for a week. So what if you lose a few thousand in family money that could otherwise have earned in rental income. Who cares?

On a side note, it's so hot here I don't know why anyone would want to go to Europe in 'peak season' anymore. May or September is far nicer, in my view. It's been over 30 in London for weeks. Inverness suddenly seems very appealing!

So your husband earns a 'very good salary' and you still earn more than him from passive investing, including having this villa that was paid for through inheritance. And you can't gift your in laws a week in peak season? You're not someone I'd want in my family, sorry.

Is that how you run your business? That's impressive.
You offer your services/ products to elderly people who can't afford it, instead of fee paying customers? How does it work to pay the suppliers, bills and staff though?

Or do you expect your current landlord to gift you their property because you resent paying rent? 😂😂

You are priceless I give you that. I sincerely hope you do not have a DIL

Let them stay. I would understand your point if your income was essential to meet bills and to keep a roof over your head, but your income isn't used for that. If letting your in laws stay really leaves you short, won't your DH cover a hair dressing appointment etc?

It's irrelevant what expenses crossed your mind. Childcare of 3 children so DH can work and earn is a cost that would have to be paid if OP weren't there to do it or paying for a nanny herself. This is a fact, not an opinion.

She is also contributing the home they live in, which is what I referred to when I said she's covering what are normally the 2 largest costs for a family of their size and stage.

I think that is the intention, to get people riled up and calling them out to get more posts and attention. I cant imagine anyone acting like this towards anyone that they didnt actively dislike and I couldn't imagine a Husband being fine with their parents treated as less important than a new outfit but there we go. Its worked in as far as all the posts they have got.

If the OP was scrimping to put food on the table and they needed this £1K I'd say she was right.

As she doesn't- H is a high earner too- and only uses the income for her personal spending- clothes, meals out, make up (you can get a lot for £1K even if it's all Chanel!).

It's downright mean and nasty.

I'd be interested in her income because even £1K a week all year round is just £52K pa (and then there are overheads and tax) so i wonder what else she is earning?

At the same time, the in laws should have some tact and appreciate it's better to go out of season if they are flexible.

Only on MN do married couples have separate finances like this. There is something about the AIBU forum that attracts them! I swear I never heard of anybody in real life who carries on like this.

We have some separate finances but I guarantee if my dh paid for everything whilst I spent my income stream on outfits and lunches I'd certainly let his parents stay in the holiday let without being grabby.

It’s not much of a villa anyway if it only costs £1k a week in peak season.

You and they are seeing this property as your holiday home, but it’s clearly not, it is your business and your income. You could offer a 10-15% family discount but that’s as far as I’d go. Do the know this is your income that sustains you and is your livelihood? On what basis do the think they can demand a request like this?

So you earn more than him through rental income and he pays all the bills because you own the home? Is this right?

How much spending money does he have compared to you?

This doesn't sound like an equal partnership.

It's remarkable how generous people can be with other people's property and income!

Obviously you wouldn't charge your parents when they enabled you to buy the property (and their contribution presumably more than covers one week's stay!). You've been very kind offering the villa to the in-laws off peak or at a reduced price.

You mean everything except the housing and childcare, the two likely biggest costs.

Yes i was thinking that, you'd pay that for a weekend in a caravan in Cornwall nevermind a high end villa in a popular, highly sought after destination in Europe.

Well, you know, they might assume that as a married couple, they 'financially sustain' each other and their finances are one and the same. Just a wild guess....

He's not paying for childcare. The op doesn't have to work because the dh pays for everything?