AIBU to not let in laws use my villa for free in peak season?

[dilwithvil]

I have a villa in Europe by the beach that I own independently of my husband. It’s effectively a high-end Airbnb in a very popular area and is usually fully booked from mid May until late September. It’s one of my income streams (I’m a SAHM but I manage several investments/assets, and this is part of my income). My husband also earns a very good salary, for full context, but all of “my spending” (coffee with a friend, make up, clothes, dentist) is paid by me from this income. I earn more than my husband.

My in-laws would like to use the villa for a week in peak season for free. My view is that peak season is when the villa earns money. If I block out a week for them, I’m not just “sharing a holiday home”, I’m giving up a week’s rental income.

I’ve said they’re very welcome to use it either in low season, when bookings are much quieter, or at very short notice if a peak-season booking unexpectedly cancels (which almost never happens).

They’re unhappy with this because they want to be able to plan a holiday well in advance, and they don’t want to go in low season because the weather is less reliable. Even if they paid half the market rate this is more than they would usually pay for a holiday, so they don’t want to pay that either.

For context, my parents do occasionally use the villa in peak season. The villa ultimately came from my side of the family (family money/early inheritance), so I don’t really see that as the same thing. Without them, there wouldn’t be a villa in the first place.

Also, while I get on reasonably well with my in-laws, I wouldn’t choose to holiday with them for a week or two, so inviting them while we’re there isn’t really something I want to do either.

AIBU for saying that if they want to use it in peak season, they should either pay the market rate (or even half), or go in low season? Or should family simply be allowed to use it for free regardless of the income I’d be giving up?

Tbh OP I get you. I’ve read all your posts. I understand.

That's obvious.

What is clear is that the villa is in some kind of trust or going to her siblings but not her H.

And not their children either?

It’s an interesting financial dynamic when the lower earner pays all the bills. If the sexes were reversed I wonder if people would be happy with that dynamic.

If a woman moved in with a man who had paid off his mortgage or a gifted/inherited house and he expected her to pay all bills including joint holidays whilst he collected money from his investments and had a great social life with his friends would people think that was okay

Yes, I wonder if she really has ownership, as we would understand it.

Your partner pays for his parents, you are effectively paying for yours.

He doesn't need to tell them that it's just between you two.

I think people are seeing the investments that you manage and renting out this Villa as a luxury, rather than your job/career, if you ran a clothes shop would you give away £1,000 of stock? Of course not

OP this has sparked quite the debate!

this often happens when people are self employed - people think they should benefit.

A family member is a builder and people are always trying to get him to do work for free or at antes rates - they don’t seem to care it reduces his salary.

a friend is a dentist and people often think it’s a great way to save thousands. But why should she give away her time and services for free?

I can see why your parents getting for free - they paid for it! They are in effect investors in the business. Your in laws just want a free ride.

BUT it’s causing family tension. What price do you place on that. I would sweetly say ‘this is my income and I can’t afford to take the hit, but I am sure Peter would be more than happy to gift you the cost of the holiday - particularly given the discount I have offered’.

your husbands family, your husbands problem

Yes I absolutely can afford to let them use it for free in the sense that, after tax etc that week will “cost” me perhaps a new outfit and several dinners out with friends. Could I go without that outfit and dinner out? Probably. But would I enjoy buying a new outfit and going for dinner, more than not? Of course!

You sound utterly spoilt and mean.

You'd rather spend money on yet another outfit or dinners than share your villa with an older couple presumably in their 60s or 70s who can't afford the rent.

What I would say is when you are old and in your 80s, the in laws are dead and gone, will you look back and be proud of your lack of generosity, or will you appreciate how you were incredibly mean and selfish by not sharing an asset which you were fortunate to be given (in part)?

There is more to life than money. Goodwill, generosity and being a nice person count for more.

She IS contributing financially to the household - she provided the house they live in!

Why do you assume that? The OP's sex is irrelevant here.
Stinginess is a very unattractive trait, particularly in a wealthy person.

You have offered them a free holiday, its just not on the date they want. If I was getting a free holiday I would feel pleased not pissed its not on a date of my choosing.

OP just tell them that it is fully booked for the whole of the summer and so you couldn't do it anyway.

Agreed.
And there is a feeling of obligation to the parents that doesn't exist to the in-laws. Perhaps this property has also been a family holiday home.visiting the deceased relative so has family history not shared by the in-laws.
Would be interesting for OP to consider how she would feel if she had come to the property through her own investments rather than inheritance.

I'm genuinely baffled at how so many MNers have suddenly decided that it is OK to demand a substantial financial gift from a family member, and to determine the precise terms of the gift ('because they can afford it'), such that it is maximum benefit to the recipient and maximum loss to the gift giver? Why is it not for OP, the potential gift giver, to determine when/how she would like to treat her ILs, and for them to accept, or not. I've literally never ever heard of people asking for and expecting substantial gifts in this way, and being supported by so many strangers! I'll remember this next time somebody is saying they expected a much bigger and more expensive birthday present from their ILs, or they expect their ILs to buy them a fancy new car etc. because they have money and can afford it.

ILs can normally afford their own holiday away, so this is not a case of take pity on the poor folks who have no roof over their heads nor food in their bellies. They want a luxury high end holiday, and they want OP to pay thousands for it. The absolute cheek of it. I know of no single person in real life that would think this was OK.

You sound a bit mean. You and your husband are both earning a lot of money and you can’t offer your in laws a week for free? But you can afford to do the same with your own parents. It If I had so much money I was living of assets and investments, I’d really hope to be able to treat my friends and family occasionally.

Right that's why I said 'should they' as in if they do in future for any reason.

Where did OP say her ILs couldn't afford the rent? She said they don’t want to pay half the rental, not that they couldn't afford it.

I suppose you're happy to hand over a considerable chunk of your payslip to your ILs so they can go on holiday? No? I didn't think so.

Completely agree. Don’t budge or it will become a regular thing and other family members will make similar demands. It’s cheeky to ask.

YANBU.

You've offered them a free holiday out of season of a half price one in May.

People are so happy to be generous with other people's money.

Of course I'm not privy to private documents around where a house will go. If OP and her husband are married then the villa belongs to both of them not just the OP regardless of what documents the family has drawn up - unless he has agreed and signed to this effect.

I certainly wouldn't want to be married to someone so selfish.....

Sharing something you have is not the exact equivalent of giving (or demanding) a substantial gift.

This is why the world is so shit at the moment.

I'd be FAR MORE inclined to offer the villa to elderly family who can't afford it, than fee paying guests who can.

Some people are just so bloody selfish and up their own.

So if a woman moved in with a man (indeed married him) who had no mortgage on his property it would be okay for him to say happy days, no more bills for me, she can pay for everything and she won’t be getting her sticky mitts on the property either.

I read they can't afford it.

I’ve offered half the price and they said they can’t afford that

You still haven't explained why you think that's relevant. And we don't know what jurisdiction they live in either. The rules in Scotland are different from those in England and Wales when it comes to inheritance. Which were you applying here?

Additionally, with the information OP has given about what happens to the property when she dies, it's not actually clear that she owns it in a way that we'd recognise in the UK. It's hard to say on the information given, but what it does mean is that there's even less point in making pronouncements about what would happen in the event of a divorce we've no reason to think we'll ever happen.

Depends how close you are and how much you can afford it, but I'd tell them it's fully booked out in peak season... If you let them have it, you're essentially paying their holiday rental costs for them. It's not unreasonable to say no.

DiL has offered PiL a gift worth £1000.

PiL turn it down, saying they want one worth £2000 instead.

DiL says no, but DH could gift the other £1000 worth.

DH refuses to gift HIS PARENTS the other £1000.

No-one criticises DH for that.

But DiL is the "mean girl"?!