AIBU to not let in laws use my villa for free in peak season?

[dilwithvil]

I have a villa in Europe by the beach that I own independently of my husband. It’s effectively a high-end Airbnb in a very popular area and is usually fully booked from mid May until late September. It’s one of my income streams (I’m a SAHM but I manage several investments/assets, and this is part of my income). My husband also earns a very good salary, for full context, but all of “my spending” (coffee with a friend, make up, clothes, dentist) is paid by me from this income. I earn more than my husband.

My in-laws would like to use the villa for a week in peak season for free. My view is that peak season is when the villa earns money. If I block out a week for them, I’m not just “sharing a holiday home”, I’m giving up a week’s rental income.

I’ve said they’re very welcome to use it either in low season, when bookings are much quieter, or at very short notice if a peak-season booking unexpectedly cancels (which almost never happens).

They’re unhappy with this because they want to be able to plan a holiday well in advance, and they don’t want to go in low season because the weather is less reliable. Even if they paid half the market rate this is more than they would usually pay for a holiday, so they don’t want to pay that either.

For context, my parents do occasionally use the villa in peak season. The villa ultimately came from my side of the family (family money/early inheritance), so I don’t really see that as the same thing. Without them, there wouldn’t be a villa in the first place.

Also, while I get on reasonably well with my in-laws, I wouldn’t choose to holiday with them for a week or two, so inviting them while we’re there isn’t really something I want to do either.

AIBU for saying that if they want to use it in peak season, they should either pay the market rate (or even half), or go in low season? Or should family simply be allowed to use it for free regardless of the income I’d be giving up?

I agree with you @dilwithvil and the 'treating them the same as your parents' arguments holds up when the inlaws also gift you a villa!!

What do they say when you point out - letting them stay for a week costs you (and your family!) £x?

Yes, I would. The villa in the OP's name, she manages the rental of it, she decides what income she is wiling to forego, not her DH, who has also said he doesn't want to lose the money. If they divorce it may be considered a joint asset, but they are not getting divorced.

Should anything happen to you, what provision have you made re: the villa? Would it just go back to someone on your side of the family?

I absolutely think they’re cheeky for arguing after you told them you’d offer them a 50% reduced rate but not gift a week.

But

I would’ve gifted them the week for free. I would have explained that as a one off gift, due to the loss of income it’s not something I could do every year, but I’d let them have one week. If you do it a year in advance you can factor in the loss and it not have too much of an impact on you

If your and your husband's gender were reversed, people would be outraged - a wealthier husband allowing his own parents to use "his" holiday home but not his wife's. Some marriages I see depicted on Mumsnet seem strange to me. My husband's property is my property. Mine is his. My parents are his family. His are mine. But you do you.

If they can't afford it at half price then they shouldn't be going. So many people have no idea just how much it costs to keep one of these luxury holiday homes going with laundry, cleaning and gardening/pool maintenance to the highest possible standards to justify the price ... and that's on top of the usual bills for water electricity etc etc.
they need to pay their way and cover the costs of using it for a week as a minimum

I’ve said they’re very welcome to use it either in low season, when bookings are much quieter, or at very short notice if a peak-season booking unexpectedly cancels (which almost never happens).

actually - the audacity of the inlaws, being offered a FREE holiday and still moaning!!

Gosh - you sound really stingy. You’re lucky enough to have several passive income streams and you’re not willing to gift a week in your villa to your ILs. They’re your DH’s parents. Do you have DC? They’re your DC’s grandparents?

depends what they’re like I guess. My ILs are incredibly generous and have provided tons of childcare, dinners etc and have gifted us loads of holidays with them.

I now own a place abroad and I’m delighted for them to use it whenever they want.

This has blown up way more than expected, I’m reading through responses but have lost some that I wanted to respond to, so apologies, I won’t tag the users I’m responding to but will still reply.

what does my DH pay for / how do our finances work?
my “contribution” is being a SAHM. I look after our 3 kids (1 school age, 2 at home with me) full time and any admin related to investment properties or other assets happens during nap times / after bedtime or quick phone calls during the day. I also employ (and pay from my income) a nanny-housekeeper 2x per week who can look after the children if I need to get something done in the daytime. I always wanted to be a SAHM and I know for a fact without my own income my DH wouldn’t let me, because he feels like the level of income he is on wouldn’t be enough to sustain our family of 5.

do PILs help with DCs or in any other way?
not really. They’ve offered help but on their terms in the sense that they’ll say they’re in town anyway on this specific date and can come to take our eldest out for a couple of hours (so more for their own entertainment than actually helping out) and it’s never really aligned with days we’d need help. Newborn period they’d come over and expect to be waited on, certainly no “help” but an expectation of coming to sit on our sofa and sip tea.

do I need the extra thousand or do I just want it?
want it of course.

where does the extra money go, if I don’t spend it on bills?
my savings, more investments. Ultimately my children’s inheritance.

how do they know my parents don’t pay the going rate?
I’m not 100% sure they are aware but I’d be surprised if they think the people who bought me a villa now have to pay for stay in said villa.

i think part of their reasoning is that the £x000 to them is so much more than to us, for them it’s ridiculous to be paying that kind of money just for one week holiday. Even half for them is ridiculous. But if that’s my “play money” then why wouldn’t I give it to someone who hasn’t experienced it.
and the reason they don’t wan to pay even half, partly, is because it’s in quite a fancy area where you either hire a car (not an option for them) to go further away to cheaper restaurants, taxi to cheaper restaurants (will add up if constantly taxiing) or cook own meals (which feels less like a holiday) so they’d rather get it for free and pay only for their meals out which might add up to what they’d usually pay for a holiday. That’s the logic I think.

Why even post? Bottom line, you're rich, and you don't count your in laws as family. Of course lots of people think it's unreasonable, but you don't actually care, do you? Surprised you let your husband stay there.

Two problems with this.

One, OP has already said she'd be ok with half price. If her DH paid the other half, this issue would be resolved. But he won't. He's refusing to either tell his parents no or pay his equal share of the costs created by that refusal.

Two, OP said she has a higher income, not that she has more free cash. We don't know how they split household bills. You probably know some couples do it in a way that leaves equal spending money, so without further information we can't speculate about who has more free cash.

Oh op just let your dhs parents have a week. Stop justifying it with your lists of costs.

Be generous. Be nice.

Personally, no I wouldn't. But that's because I'm in the 'all money is family money' camp. However, the OP is in the 'independent finances' camp and I think that changes things. I appreciate it's probably oversimplifying the situation, but she's effectively being asked to subsidise her in-laws holiday out of her independently earned fun money, while her husband doesn't want to chip in from his own fun money. If that's the case I can kind of see her point.

Especially when letting them stay high season means she'd only miss out on a meal or two and a couple of outfits. However, that's how she sees it.
What's that phrase? Some people know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

It's cringeworthy to read isn't it.

Do I want a new outfit or to be nice to my dh's parents? A new outfit of course!

Yes I would.

Her parents funded it, there is probably some expectation around their access. Any weeks during peak season given to family will mean loss of revenue.

This all sounds very reasonable to me.

The only part OP has said I disagree on, is charging 50% of the rate for a week in May - as I think in general it should be free if used. You shouldn’t be making money off your family…

I think you're unreasonable because you do it for your parents. If you applied the same rules to both then you wouldn't be unreasonable but I do think it's unneccessary to treat them differently. At the moment, it suits you to do that because it's your parents and I'm guessing you don't like the in laws much. But things change and you're setting up a dynamic where you and your partner treat your own sides of the family differently. You might not always be so happy with that situation.
It's a business so treat it like one and apply the same rules to everyone, i.e. everyone goes off peak or pays full rates.

If I was in OP’s situation I’d do the folllowing:

ILs can’t have peak season unless there is a short notice cancellation, they can have a week low season. Otherwise where does it stop (other fam members, longer than a week) and its an income stream. I think they are very cheeky to ask - we have family with a villa in Spain would not dream of asking them.

My parents could have a week peak season. They brought me up and have given me a helluva lot more than that.

It's interesting how the reverse the sexes posts are leaving out that the parents getting the free week paid for the villa in the first place. Strange that.

You sound very fortunate. You and your DH both earn well. Doesn’t sound like you are desperate for the money. Why would you not want to share a little bit of it?

Agree. I can’t quite see why people think it’s reasonable for DH to expect his wife to take a financial hit. The holiday isn’t free, OP is paying for it of her own income. Why on earth shouldn’t DH pay half - they’re his parents.

It shouldn't matter. Parents of both should be treated equally regardless of who contributed to the precious villa.

Agree with this

Why shouldn't she post? Majority have voted OP is unreasonable and she has had the support of lots of posters who agree with her.

This is OP's livelihood, she is entitled to protect it.