AIBU to not let in laws use my villa for free in peak season?

[dilwithvil]

I have a villa in Europe by the beach that I own independently of my husband. It’s effectively a high-end Airbnb in a very popular area and is usually fully booked from mid May until late September. It’s one of my income streams (I’m a SAHM but I manage several investments/assets, and this is part of my income). My husband also earns a very good salary, for full context, but all of “my spending” (coffee with a friend, make up, clothes, dentist) is paid by me from this income. I earn more than my husband.

My in-laws would like to use the villa for a week in peak season for free. My view is that peak season is when the villa earns money. If I block out a week for them, I’m not just “sharing a holiday home”, I’m giving up a week’s rental income.

I’ve said they’re very welcome to use it either in low season, when bookings are much quieter, or at very short notice if a peak-season booking unexpectedly cancels (which almost never happens).

They’re unhappy with this because they want to be able to plan a holiday well in advance, and they don’t want to go in low season because the weather is less reliable. Even if they paid half the market rate this is more than they would usually pay for a holiday, so they don’t want to pay that either.

For context, my parents do occasionally use the villa in peak season. The villa ultimately came from my side of the family (family money/early inheritance), so I don’t really see that as the same thing. Without them, there wouldn’t be a villa in the first place.

Also, while I get on reasonably well with my in-laws, I wouldn’t choose to holiday with them for a week or two, so inviting them while we’re there isn’t really something I want to do either.

AIBU for saying that if they want to use it in peak season, they should either pay the market rate (or even half), or go in low season? Or should family simply be allowed to use it for free regardless of the income I’d be giving up?

Let's hope karma is a bitch doesn't apply to you then....

Well, no. We can have boundaries. So both sets of parents at peak time fine. Aunts uncles cousins, no.

I think if you take out the fact that the income stream happens to be a holiday villa, and with the split family finances, OP could be viewed as being expected to 'pay' for her in-laws holiday from her earned income, while her husband contributes nothing. She allows her parents to go free of charge because they have enabled her to have those earnings, which the in-laws have not.
I'm interested to know why your husband won't contribute to his parents holiday, when he expects you to fund it?

I would say that they are welcome outside of school holiday weeks during peak if it were me, but set the expectation that this will not be possible every year. A free week in a villa is so lucky, I wouldn't be getting too hung up on when that offer was and actually find it quite surprising that they are trying to negotiate the terms.

The only thing I would ask, is do they provide any child care for you. Regular or irregular. This is one thing that might swing it.

I don't get on amazingly well with my own in-laws and I do see my own family differently. Just how it goes, I don't feel like the effort is there either side. If you want a better relationship with then worth considering.

FWIW I’ve just read all of OPs comments and I think it’s clear shes already made her mind up , like a lot of AIBU posts on here ,and is trying to justify her decision .
It’s your family / extended family so your call .
Interesting there’s a 60/40 split in your favour at mo.

So in effect they are annoyed you aren't foregoing earnings to give to them? Already you are supporting the family / their son by being a SAHM. It's different with your family as they gave you the asset / revenue stream

The in-laws need to be less entitled and grabby. Your husband needs to man up and say NO. If he’s that fussed he can pay for their use of the Villa

A week away in May sounds lovely. I will take it if they don't want it!

Oh and ignore the jealousy on here 🙄

This really depends on how you see a marriage. For me and dh we are one unit, all money is shared and his family are my family too and vice versa. 'We' would be happy to let pil stay for free. However it sounds like you and dh have totally independent seperate fiannaces. Perhaps your pil are suprised because the thought you were sharing finances or were combined families in the traditional way.

But as you seem to be completely independent of each other the question is do you want to pay for 1k for your pils holiday out if your own income? and the answer you have given is no.

Easilyforgotten
I think if you take out the fact that the income stream happens to be a holiday villa, and with the split family finances, OP could be viewed as being expected to 'pay' for her in-laws holiday from her earned income, while her husband contributes nothing. She allows her parents to go free of charge because they have enabled her to have those earnings, which the in-laws have not.
I'm interested to know why your husband won't contribute to his parents holiday, when he expects you to fund it?

Honestly you’d say to your husband transfer me the money for your parents to stay at my place? There’s a marriage that would fall apart pretty quickly!!!

Except if you can read properly, they haven’t been offered a FREE holiday.

I'd give them a range of dates.

Free off season rates.
Half price low season.
Full price high season.
Tell them any last minute cancellations they're welcome to.

Makes you looking willing to try to accommodate them. And they're not going to be happy whatever you do.

And then let them decide themselves.

I rather think it's why the DH hasn't already offered to bail his parents out.

But OP's boundaries are peak time for her own parents as they provided the villa/inheritance and off peak for IL's...

and the ILs are already testing those boundaries. Given that, how likely are they to not push further once they get what they want? Pretty high I would say

@ZanyPoet

"Allowing them free access in low season is a lovely and generous gesture!" that's actually not what* *@dilwithvil has proposed, is it though?

She's said;
dilwithvil · Today 07:59
@Pigriver
so we’ve had a conversation about maybe a week in May for them, at half the market price for that time of year.

It sounds like you and your husband are a high income family.

I truly hope I never end up in a depressing situation where I am rich but my family dno't get the benefit of my multiple properties.

Same here. We operate a collective assets system! I inherited money, but now it's family money with my DH and DC.
Perhaps you're right, and the mil thinks it's similar.

I have only read OP posts but am thinking do they help you out in non financial
ways such childcare etc or likely to in the future? I think I would probably let them use it. It comes across that money is the most important thing in your life. I don’t understand how you can have separate finances when you are married but that seems to be the norm these days.

I love the way that on these pages, people are so very generous with other people’s money - comments such as “Oh fgs let your dh's parents have a week in your villa for free.” Suppose the OP earned her money in a different way - would you expect her to work for free for her ILs for a week because it suited them? And OP has proposed a week for them, just not in peak season. I can completely understand why the OP is reluctant to give up both rental income and her own holiday for the sake of the in-laws. She’s offered them an off-season week - why are they not biting her hand off? I would be! As for guaranteed weather, you take a chance whenever you go - we went to France at the end of May and it was just too hot half the time we were there. We went to Portugal two years running in the same week: one we had beautiful weather, the other, not so much. I’m sorry, but I think the OP’s ILs are being very unreasonable. You don’t pressure your DIL into in effect gifting you over a thousand pounds.

This is a case of the in laws reaping what they sow.

Had they welcomed OP into their lives and made her feel a part of the family, OP might feel differently now.

OP, you're not wrong. A woman's income is often seen as incidental and not important.

I guarantee if you let them use it once, they will expect it every year.

Plus is the villa fully booked? Don't cancel paying customers for in laws.

I agree.

People are looking at this as a villa rather than as actual money/income.

If OP's parents asked her DH to give them a week's worth of his wages would people view it in the same way. 'He's a high earner, he could afford to give away a week's wages'.

I suspect there is some underlying reverse snobbery at play in some of these responses because @dilwithvil is apparently wealthy.

Agreed. I would allow in-laws the use only if they were grateful, respectful and didn't expect to use it during peak season every year.

We have treated both sides of our families to holidays over the years (always abroad and we cover airline tickets, very nice accommodation and food), we have learned how quickly our treats to our family became expected/taken advantage of. We now only take my sister because she is always grateful and lovely to travel with. Could we afford to take in-laws too, yes, but we don't because of the reasons above.

For this reason, YANBU

It is not hers, they are married so it is joint. Would you tell a woman that the villa her husband owns is just his and nothing to do with her?

read the OP

AIBU for saying that if they want to use it in peak season, they should either pay the market rate (or even half), or go in low season? Or should family simply be allowed to use it for free regardless of the income I’d be giving up?

low season would be free, market rate and half would be peak season

I think you're entirely reasonable to expect some payment but I think there should be a bit more flexibility to find a compromise they can manage. If they just pay you the amount they would be able to afford to stretch themselves to for a nice holiday - you said that half market rate would be more than they'd normally pay, so would a third of market rate be affordable at a stretch? Then you think what you can do to minimise the impact for you. You could restrict them to choosing only the first or last week of the "high season" period. Instead of paying your normal cleaning and bedding service you could let them have access to the cupboard where the clean bedding is and it's their job to strip the beds from the previous guests and make up their fresh bedding, and run the hoover and mop around, on the day they arrive. They don't get the nornal "welcome" basket of goodies that you presumably leave for full-rate guests.

Or if you keep finances separate from DH, tell him that this arrangement would cost you £XXXX and while you are prepared to give that amount to your own parents occasionally you don't feel able to go that far for his, and suggest that he should pay you the lost income.

Agree with above poster - I see me and my dh as a family unit - his family are my family. I would not treat his parents differently to my own in that respect.

Both my parents and in laws own properties / live in desirable holiday locations and the idea of any us charging each other is ridiculous

I let friends stay in my own holiday destination home when we go away just because I love the idea of people enjoying it.

Im sorry but this sounds miserly and lacking in family spirit.