AIBU to not let in laws use my villa for free in peak season?

[dilwithvil]

I have a villa in Europe by the beach that I own independently of my husband. It’s effectively a high-end Airbnb in a very popular area and is usually fully booked from mid May until late September. It’s one of my income streams (I’m a SAHM but I manage several investments/assets, and this is part of my income). My husband also earns a very good salary, for full context, but all of “my spending” (coffee with a friend, make up, clothes, dentist) is paid by me from this income. I earn more than my husband.

My in-laws would like to use the villa for a week in peak season for free. My view is that peak season is when the villa earns money. If I block out a week for them, I’m not just “sharing a holiday home”, I’m giving up a week’s rental income.

I’ve said they’re very welcome to use it either in low season, when bookings are much quieter, or at very short notice if a peak-season booking unexpectedly cancels (which almost never happens).

They’re unhappy with this because they want to be able to plan a holiday well in advance, and they don’t want to go in low season because the weather is less reliable. Even if they paid half the market rate this is more than they would usually pay for a holiday, so they don’t want to pay that either.

For context, my parents do occasionally use the villa in peak season. The villa ultimately came from my side of the family (family money/early inheritance), so I don’t really see that as the same thing. Without them, there wouldn’t be a villa in the first place.

Also, while I get on reasonably well with my in-laws, I wouldn’t choose to holiday with them for a week or two, so inviting them while we’re there isn’t really something I want to do either.

AIBU for saying that if they want to use it in peak season, they should either pay the market rate (or even half), or go in low season? Or should family simply be allowed to use it for free regardless of the income I’d be giving up?

Surely when you marry someone you accept that their family becomes your family? I really don’t understand the bizarre outlook that so many people have on Mumsnet about in laws or about one half of a partnership only paying for their blood relatives.

I agree with this.

I don’t see it that way, in our family we share

Maybe put it in money for them.
I'm sorry, I can't afford to give you a thousand pounds. I rely on that money to pay my share of my and husband's bills.
Ime, people understand money more than stuff.

I dont want to let you use my villa v I cant afford/ dont want to give you a thousand pounds

No, stranger, I dont want to give you my window seat on this plane v no, stranger, I dont want to give you a hundred pounds.

@JuliettaCaeser theb we simply disagree.

And the many threads on mn aibu/divirce/relationships would back up my views.

Are the in-laws, mean at all for expecting OP to give up a weeks income so they can go for free? Sounds pretty entitled to me.

Be really clear about the loss of income

Oh dear. Would you not be able to afford your coffee, or makeup, or clothes or the dentist without their contribution? It seems very unlikely.
Your avarice makes you a very unattractive person.

I cannot stand my mother in law - we do not get along but even i agree with this!

As much as I dont loke her shes part of the family now.

Banning them, or expecting them to pay full rate all year round would be shitty.

Allowing them free access in low season is a lovely and generous gesture! Even if the weather is "less reliable", most people would love a free holiday, even if it's 2 weeks - 10 days at any time in the low season. What you do with your own parents/ best friends or anyone is NONE of their business

Your in-laws are entitled CF. I would stand firm.
But a "you are welcome any time between October to early May, let me know the dates you would prefer so I block them for you" sounds better than a strict no. And repeat.

Yes, you can come, when is suitable between October and May...

Oh yes. I did that. I bent over backwards to do it. After about ten years when MIL's nice mask had dropped too often and there'd been numerous snidey and hurtful comments, I stopped bending over backwards.

My worry would be that they really like it and want to use it every year.
It’s your income stream.
No. A half price week on May is generous IMHO.

You share? So the loss of income should also be shared, yes? Or is it more of a one way street?

I had relative like that re holiday home. I thought they were very entitled to assume I would be fine about it. There can be a lot more involved than just being agreeable to relations in such arrangements. They may expect it every year.

I agree. Are you going to benefit when they die? I hope not!

But have you thought about every year allowing parents and in-laws having a peak week each and increasing your rent for the remaining (18 weeks?) by 10%? It would actually make you look quite generous.

I’ve voted YANBU as incorrectly presumed that the money would you would be losing out on would be more than a new outfit and a few dinners (we spend £1000 very differently!). When you phrase it like that, yes I would let them use the Villa for free.

Do they help with childcare? Or dog sitting? Either way, there may come a time when you would like to call that favour in. Plus it’s just a nice thing to do for your husbands parents.

I think you are a bit selfish , considering you are obviously fairly wealthy. However their insistence on a week in high season and not going with a compromise of paying half is also not great behaviour. So I'm firmly on the fence!

They've never gifted me 1000 pounds ,why should I essentially gift them 1000 pounds
I suppose it comes down to not everything has to be transactional ,usually and especially with close family who we tend to get along with we are just generous and kind in whatever way we can be . Your in laws soul d like they don't have that type of cash available,if they did would they help . Do they help you in other ways ? Maybe with childcare ? Are they always welcoming and well meaning ? I think you do tend to come across as greedy and self centered. That's would make question your character if you where my partner .
However despite all that fundamentally you are correct and it's your villa to do as you please with .

If I was your in-laws I wouldn't ask it's too CF for me. But has your DH asked or was it in-laws.
What does she say.

I doubt she's in their will! What a joke!

You love your parents and you don't much like your in laws by the sounds of it OP so why would you feel obliged to lose thousands of pounds for them?

I don't get people who think you marry the whole family - nope I just married my husband thanks.

I don't think anyone is being covered in glory here. The ILs are being rather entitled by not accepting half rate/free accommodation depending on when they go. OP is being hypocritical letting her parents have a free week in high season. It's a clash of opinions and nobody will likely ever agree that the other is being unreasonable - not sure what the solution is but someone will be unhappy regardless.

You are not being unreasonable OP. Your in-laws are being beyond cheeky. It is not comparable with your parents because they financed it and yes I’d say that if the sexes were reversed.
To start to try to negotiate with you on the discount gives me the ick personally and I agree you may end up with the worst of all worlds where you lose income and they feel cheated. A mess. I might even go so far as to say you feel really uncomfortable with the conversation and don’t want it to become a problem so don’t want to discuss it further. They are welcome to a week off season but you can’t afford to fully lose the income in peak and don’t feel comfortable negotiating with them so don’t want any money to change hands. If DH doesn’t like it he can transfer the money from his account to yours for peak season and job done.
Given how they have behaved to date, I feel confident to guarantee if they get their week for free peak season or at a price they are happy with, they will demand this every year for for the rest of their lives.

why? It's random people that you are only forced to mix with because you marry their child. And that you will never see again if you ever divorce or lose your partner. You stay polite, make efforts because of your partner and you facilitate a relationship for your children if they are not toxic.

How can you compare that with parents who have raised you from birth, who will always be your parents?

On no planet are in-laws family. The ones you get on with, they do respect boundaries and let the relationship grow organically. The CF who make demands and think they have rights you stay away from.

^^This with bells on.

That they’re being so picky about the dates is suss. (Surely the flights are also more expensive across the peak dates…)

Yes i read the thread thanks, doesn't stop me thinking it's very mean, especially as she says she can easily afford it but would rather spend the money on a new outfit!

If I'd been gifted a villa and I could easily afford to, I'd certainly want to let my family/friends use it