AIBU to feel unsafe about a five-hour drive after his early shifts?

[Silverseahorse]

So...
We have to stay overnight somewhere tonight
It means driving 5 hours at dinner time
My DH drives ..I don't
We had a lot to organise to sort this out ,as family life is difficult.
So it's just suddenly occurred to me
My DH has been up since 4am every day this week for work and falling asleep by 7pm every evening
Today is no different..today is the last day on this shift ,he is off tomorrow,when we have to drive back ..
Now I'm sitting here , thinking shit ..yet again I'm going to be driven somewhere scared again.
Why didn't he say ..".I'm working from 4am that day ..I can't do the drive that evening,we need another plan.."
But this was his plan ....my plan was to drive up half way through the night so he could sleep first ...
Would your DH be able to drive for 4/5 hours in an evening after doing a week of 4am early starts .. including the day of the drive ,??
I've lost sight of what's normal
There's been so many times he's driven me scared..that I don't know what's normal and what's not .
Should I of looked at his shifts and said ..that won't work...
Usually I do ...but this event has caused me so much stress to organise at home (the people we leave at home )..that i didn't think to check his shift today ..
I really feel I'm reaching the end of the road with my marriage..and I'm terrified of what that means

There's been so many times he's driven me scared.

You are not a driver. That means you do not have the training, knowledge or experience to decide what's safe and what's not safe.

Falling asleep on the sofa doesn't mean you're unsafe to drive necessarily, your partner obviously thinks it's doable.

Yes this

I have a driver's license
But I've never driven on a motorway
Was trying to change a few details so I'm not identified
But it's good you think it's ok
Perhaps I just need reassurance

Up since 4 - what time is his shift finishing? 5 hours plus a normal working day isn’t horrific and he must be used to this kind of thing

So you are scared in cars anyway?

motorways are the safe roads

Jesus, do the decent thing and spell him off then.

I don't drive, I don't tell my husband how to organise his driving time, yes he would be able to drive 5 hours after work if we were going somewhere,

Is your husband usually.a reckless driver .?

You think your husband is going to be so knackered that it’s unsafe to drive? Take a turn behind the flipping wheel! Why is the carrying this entire burden?

Are you getting any support for your anxiety? You sound really frightened.

Pragmatically no, this wouldn’t be a problem for my husband. But would be a problem for me as I don’t like driving more than a few hours. So I wouldn’t have made this plan. If he did he must feel that it’s fine for him.

But really you should take a turn at the wheel. If you can’t you should find a way to get help and do it next time.

Is there more to this than you're saying, it seems a lot to say you're marriage might be over because of it.
Is this the straw that broke the camels back or death by a thousand paper cuts, or an over reaction?

Semi-regularly I have a sharp turnaround where I'll get to be about midnight 1am, be up at 4.30 and do a 4-5 hour drive, full day at work then drive home again the next day.. I don't love it but it's doable and I factor in time to stop for a leg stretch or snooze if needed.

If he's been going to bed/falling asleep at 7, that's a full night's sleep still, even if he is up early. On the day you've got the drive, if you're worried could he have a power nap and a coffee before you set off?

Surely its up to him as the driver? I need less sleep than other people so am often the desi driver, as an adult thats my choice to make and other adults have the choice to accept a lift or not.

The fact that you drive but not on the motorway suggests maybe you are anxious in the car anyway. You said you have bern scared before, is that because dh has driven unsafe bc he is tired or just a projection of your anxiety?

Personally I would be fine if my partner queried if I would be too tired to drive but if I said I would be ok then it would annoy me if he laboured the point. If on the other hand he is an unsafe driver or feels he gets dictate the plan all the time then theres a wider issue

Does he not let you drive or you choose not to?

if you have a licence you could share the driving. There is no reason why tonight can’t be the first time you drive on a motorway. If you’ve driven on a dual carriageway it is exactly the same.

I've lost the plot with what's normal any more
If all ,your husbands can do a 10 hour shift,up from 4 am .. driving at 6 pm for the evening...if that's normal..then I'm over reacting ..

I also would do this drive after a day at work. Obviously if me and my husband were going we’d share it anyway but if by myself I’d do it.

If you have a driving licence then you drive?
Unsure how you’re blaming your husband for this? I’d be able to do this drive no probs. Very dramatic to be considering divorce over it, is there more to this story?

Both ..one leads to the other

Share the driving!

My husband (or me) would do this. We’d feel tired but we could manage it safely with one, maybe two coffee breaks. In your situation we’d share the driving.

So can most wives

id take a break at least once - probably twice for a 5hr late drive

Personally I would not do a 5-hour evening drive if I'd been up since 4am, because I know I'd be too tired. But everyone is different.

Make sure he stops for a break and a coffee if he's obviously getting tired, take a mug of coffee if there aren't service stations or you don't want to delay too long. I've done it alone which is worse because there is no one to remind you to stop and walk about a bit and get a coffee when you start to feel really tired. He should be fine, don't nod off yourself!

Edit I had worked all day from 7am to 9pm before driving, we were meant to finish work at lunchtime but everything was going wrong and we had to finish.

Perhaps you should start driving more and overthinking less?

Obviously there's more to it ..but that would influence replies..Andi don't need 20 people telling me to get a life and leave ..I know this already.
I don't drive motorway
But there's plenty in the family I do that he can't
/ Wouldn't/ couldn't.
Motorway driving is literally the ONLY thing I don't do ..
So in this instance it seems I am being unreasonable,and most of you would do this and be fine ..
That's good ..

This is what Red Bull was invented for.