AIBU to feel unsafe about a five-hour drive after his early shifts?

[Silverseahorse]

So...
We have to stay overnight somewhere tonight
It means driving 5 hours at dinner time
My DH drives ..I don't
We had a lot to organise to sort this out ,as family life is difficult.
So it's just suddenly occurred to me
My DH has been up since 4am every day this week for work and falling asleep by 7pm every evening
Today is no different..today is the last day on this shift ,he is off tomorrow,when we have to drive back ..
Now I'm sitting here , thinking shit ..yet again I'm going to be driven somewhere scared again.
Why didn't he say ..".I'm working from 4am that day ..I can't do the drive that evening,we need another plan.."
But this was his plan ....my plan was to drive up half way through the night so he could sleep first ...
Would your DH be able to drive for 4/5 hours in an evening after doing a week of 4am early starts .. including the day of the drive ,??
I've lost sight of what's normal
There's been so many times he's driven me scared..that I don't know what's normal and what's not .
Should I of looked at his shifts and said ..that won't work...
Usually I do ...but this event has caused me so much stress to organise at home (the people we leave at home )..that i didn't think to check his shift today ..
I really feel I'm reaching the end of the road with my marriage..and I'm terrified of what that means

The world is full of sleep deprived women, new mums, menopausal insomniacs all driving every day, I'm sure your DH will be fine. If he feels sleepy, he pulls over.

What time does your husband get home after these shifts? If he's home for a few hours in the afternoon, he's got time for a nap. If he chooses not to do that, then it must be because he's not worried about the drive. I don't agree that it's a good idea for you to conquer your fear of motorways tonight, while you're already in this state, but I do think you should do it soon. It will be helpful for you as a personal thing.
I agree with other posters though that there seems to be a lot of other stuff going on in your life that you're not telling us about and that makes it hard to answer your initial question simply.

Well if you need a lift and won’t drive then you are limited.

Sounds fine to me tbh. If he's been going to bed at 7 he's had a decent night's sleep each night. So we're talking about one "late night" after a week of healthy night's sleep.

If you have a license you could split the drive with him if you like?

Clearly there's a massive chunk of information missing to go from 'he's driving a long way after an early shift' to I really feel I'm reaching the end of the road with my marriage..and I'm terrified of what that means

Are you scared of his erratic driving?
Road rage behaviour?
Is he aggressive towards you?

OP, you sound very much like my MIL who has massive anxiety about too many things to count. Included within this, is driving and, as you may have guessed, she has never learned to drive.

Do you usually have anxiety over things you can't control? Are you scared of flying, have health anxiety etc?

I'd drive that, coffee mid afternoon, water, put some good tunes on, stop mid way, no bother.

If you're concerned about his tiredness levels then you should drive.

I’m another voice saying it’s ok. In fact, statistically much safer on the motorway than in a city or country road. Make a day of it? Nice cafe or restaurant half way?

On a tangent, there are loads of driving lessons offered to nervy drivers that want to build their confidence. When your ready might be worth a look.

You have to trust the driver. I have driven for over 30 years, I know myself and my abilities and if I thought I was too tired I wouldn't set off. Because of experience on the roads. I don't work early but if he is still getting 7 or 8 hours before starting work the timing makes no difference. Working 5am to 3pm and then driving 4pm to 9pm is no different from working 9am to 5pm, then driving 6pm to 11pm and I would do that without hesitation.

Drivers should know what they are capable and safe to do. I drive about 400 miles a week and I would be able to just about manage this but would be good for nothing once I got there! I’d be putting things in place to make it easier to do such as having plenty of cold caffeinated drinks on hand, keeping the car interior temperature cooler than normal, having several stops to get some fresh air and having music on that’s a higher tempo or an audiobook to concentrate on. Sometimes we do have to do things that are less than ideal so it’s about mitigating the risk.

Why don't you drive on the motorway?

In some ways it's safer than a two way carriageway because everything your side of the barrier is going in the same direction (I've felt safest as a pillion on DH motorbike on the motorway). Your driving test examiner obviously thought you were safe to drive on motorways as you wouldn't have passed your driving test.
Think of this drive as practice.

I think the "there are so many times he's driven me scared" comment raises some concerns though. How is that happening? If he's being intimidating or abusive that's a different matter.

Would my DH, or me also as a driver? I could do that but would need to have a stop half way for a leg stretch and drink.

Don't get in the car then. It's your fault he's doing all the driving himself. What do you want him to do?

So why don’t you drive the parts that aren’t on the motorway so he can cat nap in the car, and he just do the motorway part of the journey?

(Assuming it’s not 5 hours of motorway driving?)

Ps) Motorway driving is incredibly safe, so even if you just tootle along at 65mph in the left hand lane it’s worth building up your confidence so you can do this. You never know when an emergency may arise and you have no option but to drive on the motorway.

Use this as an opportunity to start driving - motorway driving is easy peasy

Don’t be daft about not driving on a motorway! It’s the easiest road to drive on!

I don't understand the "I can't drive on a motorway". Can you drive on a dual carriageway? Can you drive on a road with more than one lane? Can you only drive on days with a "T" in them ?

I’m also concerned about you mentioning being driven scared.

Some people could do this drive after work no problem others couldn’t.

Please be honest with yourself as to why you’re scared. Do you think you’re over anxious or does he drive in a particular way to make you scared?

Too late for your trip... But why don't you get some motorway lessons?? Lots of instructors do them...

So this means you'll NEVER be in this situation again!

You should be able to plot a route avoiding the motorway for big chunks so you could share the driving. My DH I'd say no, but he is a terrible driver. I regularly drive DD back to university which is an eight hour round trip. I always do it at night so she gets longer at home, but also because the roads are far quieter. Motorway driving is much easier the later you go.
I stop regularly (for caffeine), and can always stay the night with DD. I think if you're an experienced driver you know when you need to stop and almost every service station has a travelodge type hotel. I'm always prepared to stay in one of those too.

That's not really true though...

If he's been working since 4am, so possibly awake since 3am, he'll have been up for about 20 hours by the time he's finished the drive, so surely extremely tired.

up at 4 work by 5, finish by 3, drive till 8

still
light as well
which makes the driving easier

whixh means 16 hrs not 20

Would you share the driving if you avoided motorways? Or would there be another reason to avoid sharing?