Four kids tuned up

[Boymum776]

My son is in Reception, and he’s one of the youngest in the year. We invited his whole class to his birthday party through the class WhatsApp group. There are 30 children in the class. This year I’ve taken my son to pretty much every class party we’ve been invited to, or at least every one we were able to attend. I’ve made an effort to chat to the other parents too, even though a lot of them already know each other because their children all went to the same nursery.

Four children turned up to my son’s party. The venue had a minimum of 12 children, so I still had to pay for 12 places. It’s not even just about the money, it’s seeing your child so excited for their birthday and then watching hardly anyone come. I’m just so angry and disappointed. It honestly feels like a parent popularity contest rather than people thinking about the children. They’re only five years old. At this age, birthdays should be about making kids feel included and celebrated, not about who the parents already know. I feel like writing a bit fuck you in the class chat, obviously I won’t… but HOW do I get over the anger when I have to see these people 5 days a week!

All I was doing was feeling for the OP and her child. And reflecting on how complicated it seems. And wondered if there was an easier way.
There is no need to then interpret my posts as being flippant or generational in any way at all. They were/are not.
Nor commenting on parenting in general.

If you are going to say something, I would do it the other way round. Thank the four family´s that came for coming and for the great time you had. Little whishitsnows really enjoyed himself.

OP, I don't know much about WhatsApp protocols as I have never used it but it sounds like every group has a protocol and you may have missed a step.
It's a shame that you paid for extra children but I hope your child had a great time anyway. Children quite often enjoy the smaller group parties anyway.
Remember your boy is only young and you are quite new to everyone. There is plenty of time for him and you to make friends.

Surely parties are for the kids not the parents? My DD didn't know any of the parents when dgc was in ks1. Mainly as she never did school run and he was a " taxi " child ( as were done others in his class)

But they still turned up to his party. It's shouldn't be about " mummy friends" getting together. It's should be the kids having a good time. . At the party obviously the parents introduced themselves but that's as far as it went

@Boymum776 - I think you have every right to feel upset on your son’s behalf! For so many to flake on the day is awful - especially with no explanations or reasons given.

I would be very tempted to put in the class WhatsApp “X was devastated that so many kids didn’t turn up to his party.” Shame the flaky sods.

I'm really sorry, that's really upsetting. We also do the invite 2 months or so beforehand with a poll in the WhatsApp group, then a reminder a week before, and then one the day before. I'd also always invite a few extra because of illnesses on the day etc etc. My eldest is also in reception and I often feel like I'm back at school myself with some of the politics! I'd try and write it off as a bad experience and just do something different next year. Also, it's still very early days of school and they've got years to make friends.

I’m so sorry this happened and I think it is worth feeding this back to the group without it turning in to a massive flounce!

you should say something “ hi guys , hope everyone well and surviving ok in the heat?
just wanted to mention something. In future I should be grateful if you could let me know if your child cannot attend a party after you've rsvp’d to say you can. Unfortunately only 4 children turned up when I was expecting 12 and my son was disappointed

My dd went to a party a couple of years ago where the parents had hired the entire soft play, with food, personalised cupcakes and someone dressed up as Elsa to come out with named party bags, 2 children turned up, despite 20 ish people saying yes their children would attend, on Monday she took the named party bags into school at pick up and handed them out very loudly to the no show parents and a little thank you cards for the 2 children who turned up. Hope your little one enjoyed his party x

Yes. If I got a message like this I would be thinking you were still trying to work out a date that suits the most people.

I’m sorry this has happened. It’s not you - it’s likely a) it’s summer and families have more social plans and are prob bbqiing with friends etc b) it’s too hot for indoor soft play c) the kids by end of year have been to a million soft play and one more not enticing and d) unfortunately lots of summer born boys are a bit behind socially in the early years so struggle more with friendship groups but he will catch up if this is applicable to him. The most important thing is did he have fun.

not many really responded to the invite.

When people don't say they are coming, they are not flaky.

Rude not to clearly decline, but if someone hasn't told you specifically they are coming, it means they are not coming?

But the appropriate response if you've only had six yes or no responses from a total of 28 invitations by a particular date is to chase the people who haven't replied either way, by resending the original invitation with a REMINDER TO RSVP!! added. Not to start a poll, which just confuses the issue.

What a shower of inconsiderate bastards. Sorry OP, and hope your son had a fab day anyway

This is the reason why I always accept party invitations if we don't have a clash! I would hate for any child to be in that situation.

Did you give an RSVP date not just do a poll? How far in advance did you organise it?

Anything less than 4-6 weeks we would probably struggle to make due to other commitments. Here 2-3 months is normal (more sometimes as we have a lot of Sept birthdays so we start in June with invites!) with a long RSVP date.
for example, I just did DS9 party invites for Sept 12th last night. RSVP date for 29th Aug. 75% have already replied yes or no. We probably get 1 or 2 drop outs each year at 15 in total.

I'm sorry you were disappointed in the turn out, it is very rude of those who said they'd come to not turn up and not let you know in advance if they couldn't make it after saying they would.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't take it personally. He is only 5 and I bet he had an amazing time with the four that did come, he's probably too young to notice the difference in party sizes too much, or at least too young to dwell on it. When I was little there were no huge parties unless it was the neighbours' children coming over and that wouldn't be the same as a whole class I always had a smaller get together with a few friends, neighbours or family members and had such a good time. Please try to forget about it and just remember that people these days can be very flaky/ do genuinely forget at busy times of the year.

It’s inexcusable and these silly people are showing their appalling manners.

So sorry for your little boy. Maybe use it as a step towards resilience - you’d like to think he wouldn’t have to deal with this at 4 but shaking off rude people will be a great strength to have in life.

Can’t understand why you invite 30 children he’s not particularly friends with all of them. Why would you do that when you already have this Feeling that you’re excluded? You created the situationbHopefully you haven’t spread that anxiety to your son and he’s be absolutely fine.

Whole class parties are quite usual in reception.

Aw I'm so sorry that happened but at least some showed up. 4 friends is better than none. My son is 7 and has never been invited to any party apart from family.

Yes. I think it was only in Year 2 at DS's primary that whole class parties stopped being the norm and smaller parties happened instead. Which makes sense, especially if your child is autumn born -- in Reception at least, most of the children won't know one another, so no chance of being able to invite only their friends because they won't have made them yet. Things were pretty fluid all the way through Reception and Year 1 from my memory. Children would move around friendships a fair bit. If I'd invited only DS's closest school friends in Reception, by the time the party actually happened, he would have been hanging around with entirely different children who possibly hadn't been invited!

Sorry haven't read the full thread.

Did you do physical invitations op?

I don’t understand why getting on with the parents, liking the parents matters to anyone. Being completely honest theres few parents that I am particularly fond of at DD’s school and I still go to the kids parties because the invite is from their child to my child and my job is to just transport her where she needs to be. If I don’t particularly like a parent I just sigh and say “yes junior would be delighted to attend x’s party”.

Never? Not even a whole class party?

Because whole class parties are pretty usual for Reception/Year 1!

I duno I've never been friends really with anyone from the school gates and DC parties have always been well attended. Similarly I would still take DC to parties of kids whose parents grated on me if they wanted to go.

It is however, incredibly shitty to say they will attend and then not.