AIBU to resent tidying an adult son's very messy bedroom?

[Baconrollplease]

I work for a family four mornings a week doing the cleaning, laundry, ironing and general household jobs. It’s worked really well around childcare, and overall they’re lovely to work for.
The house is quite large though, and I often struggle to get everything done in the time I’m there.

Their son has just graduated from university and has gone away on holiday with a friend. His mum has asked me to tidy his bedroom while he’s away so like hoover, dust, put things away etc.
The problem is that his room is an absolute bomb site. There are clothes all over the floor, rubbish everywhere, and it’s generally a huge mess rather than just needing a quick clean. I’ve tidied it before, but within a few days it was back to exactly the same state.

I’m finding myself reluctant to do it because it feels less like cleaning and more like clearing up after an adult who is perfectly capable of doing it himself. It also takes a lot of time that I could be spending on the rest of the house.

AIBU for not really wanting to do it, or is this just part of the job and I should get on with it?

It wouldn't be unreasonable to ask for the clothes to be picked up and rubbish put in the bin. And for extra time and be paid for it.

However, cleaners don't seem to move anything. I had a one off clean and the cleaner didn't even pick up a shampoo bottle on the bath to clean under it which is why I'd never have a cleaner again. By the time I clear off the shampoo I could have a cloth in the other hand to wipe under it for one seconds more work. I want someone who cleans like I do. Pick things up and dusts / cleans underneath. Not clear all surfaces in every room, clean then put everything back.

That’s not so good. Yes anyone can clean but it takes a certain kind of person to do it well. I would always lift items on the side of the bath when cleaning… you’d be surprised what can lurk under these items! I wouldn’t move items on a busy shelf though unless specifically doing a deep clean.

You say you wouldn’t want the job if you have to move dirty clothes, which is understandable, but if there aren’t that many jobs with the regular pay and hours you find convenient, it might be worth it to keep this one.

Oh don’t worry. I will never struggle to find work.

Be honest. Tell the Mum 'I can't clean X's room, because it's a mess. Either he needs to tidy it before I arrive, so I can clean or if you want me to tidy and clean, then it will take me longer and therefore cost you more'. The ball is then in her court. Don't be afraid to put in boundaries. You are their cleaner, and you need to be given time and paid accordingly; you're not their slave!

Cleaners are there to clean NOT to tidy up. It is disrespectful.

But op is a housekeeper not a cleaner

I always advertise for a housekeeper/home help rather than a cleaner because my neurological condition means I find the tidying just as, if not more, impossible than the cleaning

Edit - I meant to quote @Valeriekat

Mixed views on this one. I can see why it grates to pick up after a grown adult. On the other hand, people have cleaning/housekeeping help to make their lives easier not harder. If you work for disorganised/untidy people, it's unrealistic to expect them to make a huge effort to tidy up for you coming regularly when really what they need is help that will reduce their workload not increase it.

You need to talk to them and ask what they prefer.

If you're sorting laundry and rubbish, either you need to miss out other tasks, or do extra time for extra pay.

Or you need to grab everything thats out of place and dump it on the bed in bin bags so you can clean. He can sort his stuff later, their choice.

can definitely spot the snobs on this thread. Most of the folk saying there’s little difference between this and what I usually do, or be grateful for the work are just looking down their noses at the job. Jokes on them though. I’m getting paid twenty pound an hour and I’m finished by lunchtime to enjoy the rest of my day. How many of them can say that!

What's snobby about it? I am glad it is good money. It's such an important job.

My housekeeper/cleaner is indispensable to me. But I need her and pay her precisely because I can't do those jobs myself. If I could tidy up easily I could spare myself the money.

I want a tidy clean house but I can't achieve it on my own. So someone else is able to profit from that by charging me. It's a win win surely? I don't see where snobbery comes into it?

Nope. I’m the daughter of a cleaner and a bin man. I’ve worked as office cleaner and in hotel housekeeping. You are the person feeling demeaned by cleaning an untidy room, and have drawn some personal line in the sand about not picking up someone’s dirty clothes. That is your right, obviously, but you need to communicate that to your employer, because they’re not unreasonable to expect it. Your job, as with any cleaning job, is literally cleaning up after adults who could perfectly well do it themselves.

I'm not the least bit snobby about it. I've been a cleaner myself though not a housekeeper.

I think, especially in a housekeeper role, it's absolutely fine for her to ask this, and also absolutely fine for you to say no. The problem only comes if you get offended by her asking, or she has an issue with you saying no.

The thing about 'service' jobs where you provide services to individuals is that, as the service-provider, your services are more valuable when they're tailored to the particular client. I also work in the service sector so definitely not looking down my nose at you at all. But the reason we are often engaged is to reduce stress and improve life in some particular way for those we work for. While of course there are some things that I absolutely agree that you should not be expected to deal with, if you're working with chronically untidy people then I don't necessarily think it's disrespectful on their part not to tidy up for you coming given the level of stress that might add to their daily routine when your presence is intended to alleviate stress. It's of course up to you to set your own standards and decide if this is a job you want to do, and it sounds like the convenience of the job may make up for the annoyances involved.

I don’t think anyone has been snobby - in fast most of the judgement has been shown by you about the man with the messy bedroom.

You have a red line - you won’t pick up dirty clothes - it would seem your red line also has some social judgement attached in that you feel this man is spoiled/ill mannered/lazy. You don’t like him and are offended at having g to pick up his dirty clothes.

that is okay - but instead of arguing with people on the internet about your duties and red lines why aren’t you talking to your employer? If my employer expected me to do something that I didn’t want to do; that I felt was unreasonable and that wasn’t in my job description I would have a mature professional conversation with them.

i think you wanted everyone on this thread to agree that this grown man is a disgrace for having a messy bedroom. To be honest most couldn’t care less. I occasionally have clothes on my bedroom floor - I do now. When I had a cleaner I lifted them and put them on the laundry basket before she came. I occasionally forgot - and she kindly lifted them and set them on the bed.

you don’t want to have to touch dirty clothes - tell your employer not us😊

Say so to the client.
'In the time I'm paid for I just about manage to do the house. Would you like me to schedule an addditional XXX hours to do his room and the extra cost or shall I deduct the time from the house'.

My children always tidy their rooms before our cleaner comes but every family is different. It doesn’t matter that it doesn’t feel right for you to be tidying up after him. Everyone had parts of their job that they don’t particularly want to do.

Though if tidying isn’t in your job spec, then say this to your employer. If tidying is part of your job spec and you genuinely don’t feel you have time to tidy his room, then say this. Or given their son is away on holiday, you could spend 15 minutes each morning this week tidying his room, day one pick up the rubbish, day 2 the clothes, day 3 dust, day 4 the floors type thing.

If you don’t want to pick up his underwear from the floor, wear a pair of gloves and toss all his dirty clothes into a pile on the floor. Or say to your employer that you do not expect to have to pick up anyone’s underwear. They will either accept and respect this or else show you the door.

OMG you are MASSIVELY undercharging them!!! Especially when tidying and ironing is involved!! The lack of respect from the parents towards you that they expect you to pick up their adult child’s shit is what would have me saying hell to the no I’m not doing that!!! I tidy up and also clean the toilets before my cleaner comes because I respect her and don’t think it’s right for her to have to pick up after me like a skivvy!! You are doing a housekeepers job which is £35 per hour minimum!! Good cleaners will never be short of a job and can pick and choose their clients!!! My cleaner has a waiting list of people desperate to get onto her books and the rest of us treat her so well and respect her as apart from that being the right thing to do we don’t want to lose her!! She makes my life soo much easier coming home to a clean house and everything done is the best money I spend every month.

You clean the toilets before your cleaner comes? Isn’t that what SHE’S (or he) supposed to do? I find that bizarre.